Chillin' 2

Z & I are visiting with my sister in Houston where the heat is sometimes worse than in Singapore.

It is nice to have nothing on our daily agenda, to wake up when my body tells me to instead of being jolted awake by the shrill ring of an alarm clock, and to just relax for a while.

SoCal

We've been here in Los Angeles for just over a week now & have been enjoying the great weather, the clear blue skies & most of all, just being together as a family unit. Living separately makes this time together all the more precious.

It's been several years since I've been in Southern California. We've done all the usual Disney/Universal/Legoland theme parks before, when the kids were much younger. This time around, these places are not as appealing as before. Instead, we visit the less

hyped about places in Los Angeles like Venice Beach & the Griffith Observatory.

Venice Beach, with its bohemian atmosphere, is a great place to people-watch. Apart from the

touristy souvenir shops, one can also visit a "doctor" to get medical marijuana (and I am

assuming that one would need a legitimate prescription to do so!), as well hookahs & shisha pipes & other such similar "herbal" paraphernalia!

The Griffith Observatory is located on a hill in Griffith Park not too far from Beverly Hills. Apart from the exhibits inside the observatory, you can also see amazing views of

Los Angeles & its surrounding areas, including a nice shot of the Hollywood sign.

We watched an amazing panoramic presentation titled "The Center of the Universe" which gives a history of astronomy, and an explanation of how the universe began. We were treated to a view of the night sky, the planets & the galaxy with occasional vertiginous views as we "flew" through space to see these wonders of the universe.

An unintentional detour up a twisty hillside road through the Hollywood Hills brought us as close as legally possible to the Hollywood sign! This was an unexpected treat which resulted from Z pressing the wrong button on our GPS unit. Some of the homes we drove past probably cost millions of dollars & belong to celebrities but I can't imagine living in a house perched on the side of a hill (magnificent view notwithstanding) in an earthquake prone area.

Anyway, here's a picture we took when we hit the dead end. The only way up was a dirt track which had numerous warning signs telling us that it was a restricted area, no trespassing, no stopping etc etc etc. In any case, we were thrilled to be so close to this almost legendary landmark.

Another beach which is featured quite commonly in TV shows & movies is the Santa Monica beach & the pier located on there.

With music-crazy kids, we HAD to visit the Grammy Museum located within a complex called LA Live. Here, one can learn about the history of the Grammy awards, and about how music is written & produced & recorded with hands on exhibits which musician wanna-be's can try, from "playing" a musical instrument to recording to mixing a track. Basically, it's paradise for music lovers. For me, the most fascinating part of the museum was a special exhibit featuring John Lennon. Included in the display were actual lyrics of some of his famous songs handwritten on note paper & envelopes during the songwriting process. Unfortunately, photography is not allowed inside, so I didn't take any pictures of this museum.

I must say that I am surprised at how much I have enjoyed L.A. The weather has been great (check out the blue skies in the pictures!), the people friendly, and a lot more laid-back than the East Coast grittiness one gets when one visits NYC. We have been staying in a hotel in the Marina Del Rey area, which is right by the ocean so we get the coolness of the ocean breeze. There are lots of restaurants, supermarkets & coffee bars around (at last count, at least 4 within a one block area, including our favorite, Peet's Coffee).

W is doing a four week college course at USC. Both he & Z have hinted at how they would not mind living in LA. They like the cosmopolitan feel of the city, as do I. So, who knows....

Chillin'

We've been in Los Angeles 2 and a half days now & have not done any sightseeing at all. We are just enjoying being a family together in one place at one time again! Meals, movies, a bit of shopping & just trying to get over jet lag (read: waking up at 4 to 5 am) are enough for now.

Over the next few days, we will visit the University of Southern California, perhaps Venice Beach, Hollywood, and of course, with my guys, possibly visit a guitar factory.

Whatever we do, it won't matter....'cos we'll do it together.

:)

Vacation

We start heading out tomorrow for our yearly sojourn to the USA. A is already on his way from Singapore. W & I make our way out first thing in the morning, followed by Z at mid-day.

The logistical planning of this vacation has been challenging, to say the least.

I have started to feel quite unsettled, unsatisfied, in limbo with this lifestyle. With one son in college and the other heading to college next year, I am yearning for a Place To Call Our Own, somewhere for the boys to go to when they are on vacation, where A & I can retire to eventually.

The problem is: Where?

Diurnal Rhythms

It is my belief that teenagers are , innately, nocturnal creatures.

Reunions

Our house has become Hangout Central, with returning alumni on their summer break trying to spend as much time as possible with each other before everyone heads out to their various destinations.

I can't blame them, really, as many of these TCK's will soon not have a "home" to return to in Beijing as their parents get posted to other cities & countries. They will have an amazing network of friends around the world, stretching over many continents.

It's hard to say whether the pluses outweigh the minuses in being TCK's. One thing is for sure - goodbyes are damned hard to say.

Summer Summary

Our family of 4 lives in 3 different countries. The logistical complexity of this situation is summarized in our summer itinerary as follows:

7 travel dates

9 cities of origin, transit & destination

11 different flights on

7 different airlines

an alien at home

I am back in Singapore for a short spell. Although I have been making fairly regular trips back here from Beijing, the pace of change that happens here is so fast that I feel lost when I am here.

It's almost like I am slightly out of phase from the rest. The buildings are different, the streets have been diverted, the people whom I interact with are also different. I look for familiar restaurants & they are gone. There are so many new condos that have been built & old ones demolished.

I don't quite feel as at home as I thought I would.

I am not sure that I like this feeling.

Senior Year

The class of 2011 graduated last weekend, so the students of the class of 2012 are now officially seniors.

Which means W is now a senior in high school.

My baby, the senior.

O. M. G.

I can so clearly remember the first day of pre-school with him clinging so hard to me & crying when I dropped him off. It was hard for me to contain my own tears.

I know this coming year will just fly by. And it will be even harder to let go (for me) on the day when we have to drop him off in college.

Quilting Bee, Quilting Me

My new hobby, quilting. Here's what I've done so far.

My first creation, using a mixture of modern batiks & material cut from my late grandmother's sarongs (she was Penang Peranakan):

This cheerful flowery quilt now resides in my sister's home.

This was my next creation - a quilted comforter for Z to bring to college. It was made with predominantly blue colored material (Z's favorite color).

Then there are these two throws made up of leftover material from the previous quilts. I hate waste, so with winter coming, I figured our house needed a couple of extra throws for chilly winter Beijing nights.

Throws & comforters aren't the only things you can quilt...

Here's a reversible bread basket, again made up of scrap material.

Side A...

...and side B!

And how about some quilted coasters, again made up of scrap material from previous quilts.

I made a set of 10, found a big blue ribbon, bundled them up & voila...! A housewarming gift for the dear friend who first introduced my to the world of quilting. Alas, she will be moving back to the UK this summer, but the one-of-a-kind coasters will remind her of Asia ( and me!).

W, not wanting to be left out, asked me when I would be making him one, when he saw me making one for Z! So here is his, complete with guitar motifs and all.

The flannel backing makes it a very comfy blanket.

This was another farewell gift for a friend. Using the "Tumbling Blocks" design, it is also made up of material from my grandmother's sarongs.

You can even quilt for a good cause. Our school recently held a fund-raiser for the victims of the earthquake in Japan. I made a quilt throw to contribute to the Quilts for the Quake silent auction. I called it Summery Reds, also using the Tumbling Blocks design and here it is. It feels good to make a difference to a good cause.

And my latest creation, using t-shirts belonging to Z which he got as freebies from all the gigs which he performed in before going to college. Being extraordinarily large in size by China's standards, he could never fit in any of these free shirts. So instead of allowing them to collect dust or eaten by moths in the closet, I decided to find a way of creating something useful which he could also keep as a memento of his musical "career" in high school! This is an extra large throw (for an extra large guy!) that will keep him warm in the cold winter nights of Indiana...

I find quilting to be therapeutic in times of stress. I love the satisfaction that comes from piecing the different patches together into a cohesive design. I like the way contrasting colors which seem like they would clash seem to be able to come together once you group them in certain ways using different materials to mesh them into a pleasing blend.

I guess it's kind of like life, isn't it? No matter how different we all are, if we work at it & come together, the Whole is usually more beautiful than each individual piece.

Debut

W. & his band release their first EP this weekend.

I am eager to see what kind of reception they get. I have yet to listen to the whole thing, just a couple of songs at a few of their gigs.

In my biased opinion, pretty good, for a bunch of teenagers.

Stay tuned for details....

The Radical Notion that Doctors are People, Too

This article was written by one of my favorite doctor bloggers.

She says what I've always felt about people's (as in non-doctor people) perceptions of what doctors are/should be.

Upgrades

A & Z keep telling me to upgrade my mobile phone to a Smart phone.

I don't need a smart phone, I tell them. I am happy with the one-handed action of my trusty old Motorola Slider. None of that hold-it-in-one-hand-while-you-slide-your-finger-of-the other-hand-on-the-touch-screen that one needs to do in order to answer a phone call. If I want to browse the internet or check my email, I have my iPod touch.

I've had my cell phone for the last 4 years - a record in my family, I think, as far as cell phone possession is concerned. I'm a simple girl, I am. I'll just use my phone for phone calls & text messaging for now, thank you very much.

Changes

It's that time again. Lots of change happening.

Z has just returned from the US having finished his first year of college. Wasn't it just yesterday that I saw him parade down the aisle during the high school graduation ceremony with his classmates?

W is preparing to apply to colleges this fall. Here we go again...

A's job brings him to Singapore, which leaves me single parenting for the moment. Because of W, I am remaining in Beijing till he graduates from high school next year. It would not be fair to uproot him from high school in his senior year. Besides, we don't think Singapore will welcome him with open arms (a whole different story which will be left to be told another day).

Me? Well. I just finished my 2nd year heading the parent organization in my son's school. It's been a fun & occasionally rocky ride. What a difference it has been from clinical practice as a physician. It has exposed me to so many people from so many cultures & backgrounds. It has enriched my life, and I have made friends whom I will call friends for the rest of my life. When we eventually leave Beijing next year, it will be with a heavy heart as we say goodbye & farewell to so many good friends. Some have already left. Some will be leaving at the end of this school year. But with technology, we will remain connected somehow.

Change is inevitable, I know. But it doesn't make it any easier.

Politics

I admit, shamefully, that I have never been much into the political scene in Singapore. I think it's partially because of the fact that growing up in the 70's & 80's, the PAP, under the leadership of the revered Lee Kuan Yew, was held in high esteem by most of the citizenry. And rightly so, as it was under its governance that Singapore was able to progress the way it did, from pretty much a Third World country, to the modern city with the super-efficient infrastructure of today.

Now, with the General Elections coming up, it has been wondrous to see the enthusiasm & interest shown by the citizens of Singapore. Living behind the firewall that China has built, it has been difficult to follow who is running for what, and in which constituency, Even with a VPN, it is difficult to view videos of speeches posted on Facebook and Youtube. What I can see are numerous postings of links to videos & articles about various candidates, but it gives me a disjointed picture of what is happening.

I will not be voting this election, only because when I tried to register myself as an overseas voter, the information required of me was quite impossible to get (detailed dates of when I arrived & left Singapore for the last three years???!!! Puh-lease.).

I do hope that it is a wake-up call to the PAP that they have to listen. Their arrogance in thinking that they will remain in power, no matter what they do has to stop. From personal experience, this arrogance permeates different departments in various Ministries; and their refusal to listen may come with a price.

We will see in about a week.

Impressions from China - Blockage

Here's the usual sequence of things whenever I try to watch a video on Youtube or Facebook these days, behind the Great Firewall of China:

Connect to VPN

Go on to website.

Wait for website to download (may or may not happen. If it happens, may take a few minutes to do so)

Select video

Wait for video site to download (ditto - see above)

Click "Play", then pause to allow download to happen

Open new tab & browse other website while waiting for video to download (if at all).

or Go do an errand (eg wash some dishes, put laundry in the washing machine, or dryer....you get my drift...)

Go back & check if video has finished downloading.

If partial - watch whatever you can first till the video stops, then press Pause again, to allow remaining video to download.

This way, a 10 minute video may take about an hour to finish watching, if I am lucky.

Or it may not load at all.

That is the state of internet blockage in China.

Frustration +++

The Big M

There's something to be said about living in a temperate climate during a certain phase in one's life. Especially when said phase involves hot flashes which occurs sporadically without any warning, making one feel like there is a furnace within one's chest whose heats spreads upwards & outwards & makes one feel like one is suddenly sitting in a sauna.

I am going to miss the winter.

Hormones are powerful things.

My internal thermostat as been reset to a temperature lower than previously. I used to be the one to turn up the temperature setting in the winter. Now, I am the one who turns it down, much to the dismay of my significant other & our two boys. I throw off the covers in bed in the midst of winter, whilst A continues to snuggle deeply within its warmth next to me.

My sleep pattern has altered, & sleep requirement diminished.

My taste in food has changed: I suddenly crave salmon sashimi where previously I would turn my nose up at it & push it aside. Similarly, I now love cold soba & choose this over hot ramen soup. Cherry tomatoes are suddenly delicious. Perhaps the Chinese theory of the balance between heatiness & cooling-ness has some meat to it.

Some of my friends are surprised when I tell them I am peri-menopausal. I am in my mid- to late 40's already, I tell them. Perhaps I should be flattered that they think I am younger than I really am.

As the bumper sticker says, "I'm still hot, but now it comes in flashes. "

Impressions from China - Spring Fling

The magnolia & apricot blossoms are gone.

Apple blossoms are on the tree.

26 degrees Celsius today. Two weeks ago, it was 5 degrees.

Man, that was a quick Spring.

Ideals

"Is it worth having a liberal arts college here?

THE deal is set for the Yale University and the National University of Singapore to set up a liberal arts college here ('Yale-NUS College gets faculty, alumni backing'; April 1).

But the question I want to pose is: Is it worth it?

The college will be offering a degree in liberal arts, which is not exactly a commercially viable qualification.

The fact is, to live and succeed in a competitive country like Singapore, there is more pressure on students such as myself to get a degree that will help us get a stable job, rather than something we would like to do.

The unfortunate truth is that students go to university for the degree, and not for the experience.

Also, the liberal arts 'scene' in Singapore is virtually non-existent. Students who want to actually apply what they learn in the programme will have to migrate to a country with more liberal arts opportunities, something conservative Singapore cannot provide.

Therefore, having a course that binds Western and Eastern cultures becomes moot.

Also, why not go straight to Yale, or any other university in a liberal arts savvy foreign country to study since they will have to migrate anyway? How useful will the students find this programme?"

I wonder if the author of this letter to the editor is being sarcastic or does it truly reflect the attitudes of the youth in Singapore today?

Inside Job

I have never taken a course in Economic.

And I would be the first to admit ignorance when it comes to the why's & wherefore's of today's global economic woes.

Watching this Academy Award-winning documentary has opened my eyes somewhat on what went wrong in the US. I am astonished at how this blatant abuse of power was allowed to go on and work its way insidiously into the American financial & banking system. I am also amazed at the millions & billions of dollars that ended up in the pockets of those who played their part in causing the 2008 economic downturn in the first place.

Shame on you.

U Turn

TODAYonline | Commentary

Bring back medical fee guidelines

Concerns about over-charging highlight the need for a guide to

private doctors' fees

by Conrad Raj

04:45 AM Mar 22, 2011

In the wake of the Susan Lim saga, it might be time to review the ban by the Competition Commission of Singapore (CCS) on medical fee guidelines.

Without going into the merits or demerits of the ongoing court case involving Dr Lim, many among the public have become concerned over the high charges being levied on medical services here in Singapore.

Singapore's reputation as a medical hub and its medical tourism business may also have been adversely hit by the court revelations and the testimony given by many in the medical field to overcharging by the profession.

In June last year, the CCS ruled that the guidelines were anti-competitive, on the grounds that price recommendations by trade and professional associations might harm consumers because they "distort independent pricing decisions" as there may be no incentive for cost-effectiveness or innovation.

The Guidelines on Fees (GOF) for services and procedures in the private sector were put in place in 1987 by the Singapore Medical Association (SMA) - which represents the majority of medical practitioners here - after complaints of overcharging for medical services by doctors who were more interested in squeezing their patients than in curing them.

The GOF is a set of recommendations on private doctors' professional fees, which includes fees for consultations, surgery, preparation of medical reports and court appearances.

But the CCS felt that the GOF was now redundant as other benchmarks had become available - namely that of government hospitals, which provide hospital care and medical services for 80 per cent of the population. And the CCS noted that since these restructured hospitals do not refer to the GOF when making pricing decisions, patients could use their charges as a basis for price comparison when going to private hospitals.

The CCS had also pointed out that the Ministry of Health (MOH) requires patient medical bills to be itemised and financial counselling be provided and that hospital bill sizes are made public on MOH's website.

The commission urged the SMA to "work with MOH and hospitals to further improve the delivery of pricing information ... so as to allow patients to make more informed choices".

"In general, price recommendations by trade or professional associations are harmful to competition because they create focal points for prices to converge, restrict independent pricing decisions and signal to market players what their competitors are likely to charge," the CCS said. "This is a common position adopted by many competition agencies in the world, even for the medical sector."

But now, in response to a recent article in Today, the CCS has suggested that the SMA could provide information on actual pricing.

"In general, CCS recognises that information on actual pricing, and transparency in the reporting of prices actually charged in the market, are useful for consumers to make informed choices in their purchases of goods or services. CCS, therefore, supports the publication of historical price information to help consumers.

"However, this is very different from issuing price guidelines, which by their very definition, are intended to influence what prices should be set rather than merely providing historical price data," the CCS said in its letter.

Although the SMA had voluntarily scrapped its pricing guidelines in 2007, in October 2008, it wrote to the Ministry of Trade and Industry to request that the GOF be excluded from Section 34 of the Competition Act. After consulting with MOH, the ministry declined the request last year.

But it may be time now for the SMA to restore the public's faith in the medical services by bringing back guidelines, perhaps with the proviso that these are only guidelines and not mandatory charges binding all doctors.

These guidelines could provide a range, as suggested by the CCS, rather than a specific price that those in the medical services could charge. However, they should avoid the extremes which could give a distorted picture and could include overcharging by the unscrupulous.

The guidelines are a useful frame of reference: Patients should not be asked to buy a pig in the poke - a service they do not know the true value of. Dying patients may not be in the proper frame of mind to make the right judgement call.

And foreigners could use a guide to the range of charges they can expect in Singapore, enabling them to compare the expense with that of other medical hubs.

Perhaps private clinics should be requested to post their range of fees, either at their premises or on their websites, so that it would be possible for patients to shop around, like in the case of restaurants. Some doctors might feel it beneath their dignity to post their service and price menus - but then, being unscrupulous is even worse.

More importantly, such a move would not be anti-competition.

Well.

I guess it takes sensational headlines to make the CCS wake up to what the original price guidelines were supposed to do for patients. Call it "historical price data" or call it guidelines. It's semantics, really. What they have suggested was really what the guidelines were meant to do in the first place.

Light Bulb moment

Finally, a bright spark.

(Letter to the editor, Straits Times Forum, March 19)

Ban ineffective screening tests

I REFER to the reply from the Ministry of Health ("Why Medisave can't be used

for all screening tests"; Thursday) to Mr Arthur Lim's letter ("Allow use of

Medisave for more screening tests"; Monday). In the name of medical ethics,

the Ministry of Health should perhaps consider a ban on tests that are of

questionable effectiveness when used as screening tools.

Going by the phenomenal growth of some medical centres, and the increasing

complexity of some packages they offer, medical providers must be doing

a roaring business.

With some packages costing as much as $9,000, could it be that a large

proportion of tests in the packages are probably not recommended as screening

tools? And if they are, why are they even allowed to be there? Shouldn't

the public be protected from such practices?

(Addendum: I am not advocating banning these tests, some of which are useful

for patients recovering from cancer, to check for recurrences. I just hope that

this is a wake up call for both patients and doctors - patients to start asking

intelligent questions about the tests & procedures which they allow themselves

to be subjected to; and doctors to stop pushing some of these health screening

packages to laymen who may have the false impression that these tests magically

detect early cancer.

Wake up, people.)

Feeling Small

Watching the horrific images of homes and cars and buses and ships being swept away so effortlessly by the tsunami in Japan is sobering indeed.

Mother Nature is a force that humankind cannot contend with. We are like little ants in the greater scheme of things. One big step whether in the form of an earthquake or a tidal wave is all it takes to wipe us out.

And to make things worse, we put in place potentially dangerous things like nuclear reactors in one of the most earthquake-y countries in the world and we have a disaster in the making, this time with regional, if not global implications.

We live within stone's throw (relatively speaking) of Japan. If there is going to be a nuclear explosion or meltdown, or whatever it is called that results in the spread of radioactive material, we can, potentially, be in harms' way.

I am hoping for the best.

Why Aren't Doctors Allowed to Care About Money?

Read this.

And this.

These two articles articulate very well the reality that has to be faced by all.

No, not all doctors are altruistic, nor should they be. Neither should they be ashamed of wanting to be rewarded financially for the work they do, same as anybody else, be they a banker, or engineer or waiter or plumber or bus driver.

Do not put us on pedestals and think that we are noble creatures who would work for less than what we are worth. We don't deserve to be on that pedestal. We do what we do because it's our job. And we should be paid for doing that job. We are not God. We have families to support, dreams to aspire to (some more expensive than others), children to educate.

We are human, after all.

Globe Trotting

Z in the US

W in South Korea

A in China

Me in Taiwan

We got the world covered.

Generation Gap II

Today, W. travels to Seoul, Korea for a Band festival with his school concert band.

In our day, participating in any kind of festival or inter-school sports league meant taking the bus to the local concert hall/stadium 20 minutes away.

College Apps (Again)

Time is just whizzing past. Before you know it, the school year will be over & we will be into the summer holidays then in a flash, W will be a senior with college applications to work on. I feel tired just thinking about it. Because of what he wants to study, the process will be even more intensive than Z's with auditions & samplings of his work & additional essays to write in some cases.

He has already started working on his music portfolio which he will need to submit to apply to some music programs. We will be meeting with his counselor soon to talk about his list of college which he (we) is (are) thinking about applying to.

We've done this once before. Maybe it gets easier the second time around.

I hope.

Impressions from China - February Snow

It's been as dry as a bone this winter in Beijing, until last night. When I went to bed, there was a light dusting of snow; but when I woke up, this is what I saw.

Admittedly, it's nothing compared to the snowstorms that have been hit

ting the USA this winter. But the little girl in me who grew up on a tropical island just one degree north of the Equator can't help but feel thrilled at the sight of the white stuff drifting down. It also gave me an excuse to put on my brand new snowshoes which I had mail ordered back in the Fall in expectation of stupendous amounts of snow & more crazy weather this Winter. But alas, the boots only just saw the light of day today. And I admit, it was probably a bit of an overkill to wear them boots which were probably more suited for a blizzard rather than the inch or so that we had. But hey, I had to break them in :).

(Sidenote: snow boots are damned difficult to put on. And almost as difficult to take off)

I love making footsteps in the freshly fallen virgin snow!

Travel

Flights between China & the USA are getting increasingly more expensive & difficult to book. I guess I should not be surprised given the vast number of Chinese sending their children there for college, hence flights between these two continents during the popular summer & winter holidays get filled up six months ahead of time. What's left are the more expensive seats & business class seats - way beyond our annual traveling budget. What's made it worst are the cost-cutting measures implemented by many American airlines which have resulted in fewer (& more expensive) flights.

Z, who traveled back to Beijing for his winter break, said that on both legs of his trip, the plane was filled with mostly mainland Chinese students studying in the USA, going home for the holidays. I was horror-filled to discover that the economy saver seats (read: cheap) on direct flights between the the airport from which Z flies out of to Beijing were already full for the May flights (which is when the college semester ends for many). So Z will have to make one transit stop on his way "home".

I have just booked our trip for the summer. We travel in June, peak travel period, and I do not want to be left in a lurch with no tickets or stupendously expensive tickets if I book them too late. The early bird, in this case, truly gets the worm.

Year of the Rabbit

It's been 3 years since we've spent Chinese New Year with my extended family. We head to Singapore tomorrow to do so with family members still remaining there.

Over the years, uncles, aunties, cousins have all moved away to various parts of the globe. I have just realized that once upon a time, I was, what one may consider, "foreign talent" in the Lion City, where being such may not mean a warm welcome. I have also realized that my family's roots have not grown as deep as some of my friends, whose extended families have been in Singapore for at least 2 generations.

On tracing back my genealogy over the last 100 years or so, it has dawned upon me that my ancestors have lived in 3 different countries in 4 generations. Is it any wonder then that I find it hard to feel a deep connection to the country in which I grew up? Is it possible for this wanderlust to be passed down through the generations?

These questions arise now when I try to think about where we will be when I am an empty nester, which is looming closer. Z & W would both have spent their lives in 3 different countries. Will they, too, be global nomads in their adult lives?

I would like to have a place to call Home; a place where both our boys can go to when they are on vacation; a place where we can put our furniture & hang up our pictures and not have to worry about uprooting all our possessions every two years.

Our next move will be in less than 2 years. When the time comes, I hope that we will have a place to call Home, finally.

Manage 'managed care'

THE Jan 6 report ("Docs may face changes in ethics rules") highlighted the three ethical issues which the Singapore Medical Council (SMC) is grappling with, namely, organ donation under suspicious circumstances, overcharging by doctors and the possibilities for manipulation by managed-care companies.

The American Medical Association recently revealed that two-thirds of 200 doctors polled in the United States said they would misstate the reason for a diagnostic test for Medicare insurance reasons.

A recent survey revealed that most American doctors support a "single payer" plan that will eliminate the central role of private insurers.

Doctors in many countries are resenting the iron hand of large companies as they are held to ransom by insurers and large hospital chains. The corporatisation of health care is producing a seismic shift in the way doctors look at public health care.

They are experiencing a sudden loss of control at the hands of the insurers and hospital networks, while being snowed under by paperwork and bureaucratic battles with insurance companies over authorisation and payments.

The SMC should consider these global trends and tread carefully lest our health-care system is hijacked by the insurance companies.

Heng Cho Choon

Perhaps unbeknownst to the author, this has already started to happen in Singapore....

Parenting

Read this article about parenting - Chinese style, in the Wall Street Journal online edition. I couldn't believe that the author would actually advocate this!

My parenting style is the direct opposite of what she describes, and yet, I have one child going to Engineering school (one of the desired outcomes of the stereotypical Asian parent, although in his case, it was entirely his choice altogether), and I have another child who is immensely talented musically, though not classically trained in either violin or piano.

I know of people who have grown up with the sort of parenting style that Ms Chua describes. And oh my goodness, what a dysfunctional lot they have become, with neuroses & baggage galore.

No thank you, Ms Chua. I will treat my children with respect, teach them how to be good, civilized human beings and allow them the freedom to choose who & what they want to be.

Outlander

Help!

I am hooked on to this "Outlander" series of books by Diana Gabaldon! I can't stop myself from wanting to read more & more about the relationship between a time-traveling surgeon (Claire Randall) & the Scottish Highlander (Jaime Fraser). Not the typical romance, this epic (and I mean EPIC! Each book ranges from 600+ to 1000+ pages!!) has love, fantasy, mysticism, history, science fiction, and a bit of medicine all rolled into one.

I just finished the 4th book, The Drums of Autumn, and can't wait to start on the 5th one soon.

I love my e-reader :) .

Time

I think the older one gets, the faster time flies....or at least, the perception of time does anyway.

It's already the 4th day of 2011. Z's 3 weeks here will be almost over - he leaves in 4 days :(, to return to college.

School starts next Monday. W. will start the second half of 11th grade & before you know it, will be a senior. Then comes the college application process (sigh) & in the blink of an eye, my baby will be off to college. Argh.

I remember, as an adolescent & then as a medical student, how daunting the "many" (again, perception) years of impending study looked. First the PSLE*, then 'O' levels, then 'A' levels. And in medical school, the pre-clinical years seemed to stretch on forever & the final MBBS exam looked like a distant unreachable target.

But once out of university, time started to speed up, from one rotation to the next; and on a personal level, when the children came, time again seemed to just fly by... infancy, toddlerhood, elementary, middle then high school, and now college.

With an impending empty nest, I have already started thinking about how I will use my time. I must admit that a part of me is excited & am anticipating this new found freedom with relish. That is not to say that I will not miss having my boys around. But it's part of growing up & getting older, one of those milestones that every one of us have to encounter eventually.

2010 Favorite Things

Here are my favorite things of 2010:

1. My handy dandy Brother ES-2400 sewing machine which I have used to make so many quilted gifts for family & friends!
2. My iriver e-reader & Nookbook (technically my husband's but then what's his is mine too :)) - it has widened the choice of books available to me infinitely, especially here in English books -deprived China. Now it follows me to the gym & makes my workout much shorter than it seems (thank God), & I can carry it along with me if I am stuck in traffic (a frequent occurence in Beijing) & yes, I will admit it, it also makes for bathroom reading. And don't forget that it is much greener than buying actual paper books!
3. The Garmin GPS navigator - one of our best buys of the year! It was invaluable during our road trips in the US, enabling us to find not only our destinations, but also last minute stops at supermarkets/movie theater/restaurants/department stores etc.
4. My new favorite restaurant in Beijing: Hatsune! I usually am not a fan of sashimi, but the salmon here is to die for...
5. One of my favorite reads of the year, "Three Cups of Tea" by Greg Mortensen.

Merry Christmas & Happy 2011!

Impressions from China - Corruption etc

For those who have lived/are living in China, this article should not come as a surprise.

Sad to say, I do not have a favorable opinion of the Chinese insofar as ethics is concerned. Money is the god that is worshiped here. Anything goes. Contaminated milk, medicine, toothpaste and what have you...ethics be damned. Anything for some extra money in ones' pockets. Whether you are a government official or a private entrepreneur does not matter.

It is fine & dandy that those who get caught are punished (severely, by world standards: some are executed). And Chinese history has shown that breaking the law comes with harsh punishment (if caught, that is). But this has not seemed to deter those who are determined to make that extra buck, no matter the consequences.

Doing business here, or the mere simple act of shopping in a local market can be dicey. For those new to these shores, getting cheated or being charged exorbitantly is not uncommon. Hence my aversion to bargain shopping at places like Silk Street or Hong Qiao, where foreigners are seen by the vendors as prime bait carrying wallets full of cash, ripe for the picking.

This aspect darkens the glory & achievements of the Chinese civilization. Along with civilized social behavior, & proper traffic etiquette, the Chinese need to catch up with the rest of the developed world in realizing what ethical behavior is.

Otherwise, China will remain, essentially, just one big cowboy town with a heck of a lot of economic clout. A scary thought indeed.

Christmas Cheer

Our house is decorated with Christmassy paraphernalia, both old & new.

There are our precious ornaments collected over the years, hanging on our Christmas tree...

Nostalgic pieces...

This was hand-made by Z. in preschool...

And this by W...

A fairly recent addition...

Then there are our Christmas stockings which used to hang over our fireplace in Pennsylvania but have since hung on staircase banners or wooden decorative grills or whatever else space I could find to hang them from, for lack of a proper fireplace!

Then there are these two snowmen buddies, & our snowman sitting on a wreath, bought right here in Beijing 3 years ago...

And our latest addition, this Christmas bunting, handmade by a very craft-y friend here in Beijing; the very same friend who introduced me to the world of Quilting. I will soon have to say farewell to her as she will leave Beijing in several months' time :(...but this memento will stay in our collection of precious Christmas possessions that have followed us around the world ...

Reconnecting again

Z. comes back to Beijing in less than a week to spend his Winter break with us. We are all looking forward to the reunion.

I met with a couple of friends, ex-classmates from medical school, who were here with their family on holiday recently. Their kids are younger - one in primary school, the other in secondary school. He asked me how I feel about being an almost-empty-nester to which I reply that I am looking forward to the next phase in my life.

However, to reach the next phase, we will have to go through the transition of separating with W. Now, THAT, I do not look forward to.

New York

For some reason, being in New York City always seems to put me on edge.

Maybe it's the crowded & dirty sidewalks, with people milling around or walking to their destinations or tourists/locals talking loudly to each other.
Or the heavy traffic & honking & often heard sirens of the police car/ambulance/firetruck.
Or the sight of the homeless drunk stumbling along or trying to stay warm under his pile of raggedy blankets & cardboard boxes.

Great place to visit. But I don't think I could ever live here comfortably. Give me the wide open spaces or suburbia anytime.

Yearnings

I felt rather depressed walking through the supermarket this afternoon for the last time before heading "home" to Beijing.

The abundant variety & availability of anything you may need to stock your pantry was almost too much to bear. The high prices of imported goods (the limited selection that is actually available) in Beijing add salt to the wound.

The locals take it for granted, this convenience.

We have packed our suitcases to the brim as we prepare to head home in a couple of days.

Until next time, America....

Sigh.

20

I guess ours was, what one would call, a whirlwind romance. We knew within 6 weeks of meeting each other that "This was IT". We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, as mates, partners for life.

To call it being 'madly in love' was an understatement. We spent almost every single free minute we had together, in each others' company. We were an unlikely pair: an American Naval Officer, and an exhausted intern who had never met that special someone who sparked even the remotest of romantic interest. Until him.

That was just over 20 years ago.

Tomorrow, we celebrate our 20th year together as a wedded couple. The intense, passionate, fiery feelings have smoldered into a deeper and lasting emotion. As with most marriages, we've had our ups and downs, but through it all, the constant love has always been there.

Happy Anniversary, A. What a ride it has been.

In America

Whenever I come back to America, I

• don't have to look at the air pollution index before venturing outside
• enjoy unfettered internet access
• don't worry about being knocked down at a pedestrian crossing when I have right of way
• wander the aisles of the supermarkets in wide-eyed wonder
• say hi, how are you to virtual strangers

It's wonderful.

Thanksgiving

On this day of thanks, I am thankful for

the love & support of my family, both nuclear & extended
the chance to explore & experience this world way beyond what I have ever imagined being able to do so
my two darling boys who have grown into strong dependable young men

Separation (again)

Much as I am happy that Z. has transitioned well, it doesn't make separating any easier.

We will see him in three weeks when he comes back to Beijing for his winter break. But saying farewell still tugs at my heart.

I suspect that the separation process will never be absolutely painless, no matter how old my children are.

Reconnection

It has been wonderful for A. & I to see Z. again. He looks well, enjoying college life, having made some good friends to hang out with & to study with.

He has transitioned well, my teddy-bear-son.

I am content.

Now for Round 2 with W.....

Reconnecting

It's been 3 and a half months since I left Z. halfway across the world to attend college. This is the longest we've ever been apart since he was born. I have to say, though, that the separation DOES get easier. I suppose it's the natural progression of life after all, the young separating from their parental units.

I see him again this weekend when I travel with A. to the US of A. I can't wait, thrilled at the prospect of being able to see him, hug him, talk to him face to face (as opposed to via Facetime), see his dorm room, meet his room mate, his friends, see whom he hangs out with, where he has his meals - basically stuff that moms are concerned about.

In the words of Borat, I am so excite!

Impressions from China - winter

You know Winter is approaching when

• you feel the frigid, chilled-to-the-bone cold when you go outside
• you smell the distinctive odor of charcoal smoke (in the area where we live, charcoal is the main source of heat)
• you are reluctant to leave the warm & steamy shower stall after your shower
• your skin starts to dry up, looks like fish scales, and feels like sandpaper
• riding your bike to school no longer seems very appealing

Maternal Pride

Tonight, I watched as my younger son, W., give an absolutely fantastic performance on the timpani in "Carmina Burana". At the post-concert reception, many parents congratulated & praised his work; his band teacher walked up to me, extended his hand to shake mine, and said what a great job W. had done, not just in his performance, but also in his leadership skills as section leader in class.

Nothing warms a mother's heart more than to hear such kind words & unwavering praise of one's offspring.

Impressions from China - Chinese wedding

I witnessed a bizarre scene today while working out at the gym.

See, our clubhouse has a lakeside al fresco area that is popularly used for events like, in this case, a wedding. Thing is, it is in full sight of the people working out in the gym.

This morning, I saw the area decked out for a wedding. Orange streamers, orange flowers in bouquets. I saw the groom dressed in a formal suit, the bride in a Western-style cream-colored bridal gown holding a bouquet of orange flowers (I'm thinking the theme is Orange).

The bride was waiting near the entrance to the lakeside area, just adjacent to the gym. We heard the MC speaking over the PA system, at full blast, in Mandarin, then a child's voice, speaking in a cutesy way, something about switching off hand phones (I think).

Then the introductory part of the theme from Star Wars starts playing, at which point the bride starts walking into the celebratory area (& where A. asks softly into my ear, "Where's Darth Vader?" to which I burst out into uncontrollable laughter - fortunately, we were in the gym, out of earshot of the bridal party - in any case, with the volume at full blast, I doubt we would have been overheard anyway). The Star Wars theme segueways into the theme from Exodus followed by a few bars from the Amazing Race theme song.

I am not kidding you.

Then the groom starts speaking & shouts "I love you" (in Mandarin) among other things which I did not understand.

Then I was done with my workout.

It was pretty surreal.

Aches & Pains

Groan.

Moan.

I played basketball today for the first time in 26 years. And boy, am I sore. The knees are wobbly, and the back aches; I can't imagine how much worse it will be tomorrow as these things generally feel worse the next day.

I used to be extremely active in university. Softball, volleyball, tennis, basketball...even played for my Faculty. However, after graduation, my physical activity level dropped tremendously due to work, and then motherhood.

Now, with age catching up, I try to make it to the gym every other day, in the hope that it will improve my cardiovascular health.

Despite my fairly regular gym-ming, I realize that competitive basketball is way way way beyond my capability now.

Sigh.

Bookaholic

Despite have an e-reader, I still find myself inexplicably drawn towards bookstores in the USA & Singapore.

Something about the rows & rows of bookshelves, & browsing through the books according to authors' names, & thumbing through the pages to read snippets of the books before deciding on whether to buy or not....the experience cannot be replicated digitally.

Although now, I have to stop at the stage of thumbing through the pages & remind myself to buy said books online instead.

Survivor

Forget about the reality TV series.

It is heartwarming to watch the rescue of the Chilean miners who have been trapped underground for 69 days, being pulled out painstakingly, one by one. The resilience of the human spirit is amazing.

The miners have been brave, but the true heroes, I think, of this saga, are the supporting crew, who have helped maintain the physical, emotional & spiritual well-being of the miners & the engineers who managed to figure out a way of getting them out.

These days, we need more good news like this.

Next Generation

I was browsing in the toy department of a store a few days ago, looking for a present for my nephew's first birthday. I noticed a few other parents in there, with their kids, mostly toddlers. And then it struck me that they all looked soooo young. (The parents, I mean.) I saw them & thought to myself: "Wow, what young parents."

And then I realized that I, the half-empty-nester, could, physiologically speaking, be a grandmother (although I DO NOT WANT TO NOR DO I EXPECT TO BE ONE ANY TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!!) and that once upon a time, I was in their shoes running after my two little boys in the toy department.

And then I suddenly felt old.

The Big Chill

Dinner and drinks.

Scintillating conversation, nostalgic reminiscence.

Laughing till tears roll down our faces.

Chatting about anything & everything.

That was what we did a couple of nights ago, a group of friends from medical school.

Recent deaths within our circle of peers has made us all more aware of our own mortality. We cope in different ways: some becoming more conscious of our health, while others, like me, try almost desperately, to get in touch with old pals. My trips to Singapore happen once, maybe twice a year. During these trips, I try to connect with old friends - classmates from high school, medical school, previous work colleagues.

We try to catch up on a year's (or more) worth of updates in a few hours. Death, divorce, separation, our children's milestones - we try to cover all that in the short time we have together.

We always have a good time; and we always end the night reluctantly. This time, we chatted till after 1 am, till we all could not fight the sleepy yawns & heavy eyelids, before we said our farewells.

Good friends, good times, always.

Long Distance

Long distance parenting means interpreting one's child's mood via Facebook, & the emoticons used in his/her status.

Example - ...beijing :( means he is missing Beijing, more specifically Beijing food. I guess mid-western US cuisine does become monotonous after a while. And I inferred correctly that this feeling of woe has been triggered by the increasing work load of college and the realization that being in college does not mean one continuous party without supervision from the parental units.

After a month and a half, the honeymoon is finally over.

Metamorphosis

Once upon a time, I wished there were more hours in the day because I had to

• work
• supervise my children's homework
• make sure the household was running smoothly
• make sure we had meals on the dinner table
• sleep
• have some kind of leisure time/activity (if at all)

Now, I find myself wishing there were more hours in the day because I

• preside over the parent organization in my son's school
• quilt
• get body/foot massages
• have lunch with my friends
• shop
• play mahjong
• watch the latest movies & TV series on DVD
• volunteer in school
• and soon, take painting lessons

If the Me of today could go back in time and tell the Me of yesterday about my current lifestyle, I am sure my previous Me would scoff & say,"Ha! If that ever happens, I will eat my hat!"

I am thankful for what I have had the chance to experience, and for what I have.

Labels

People need to remember that behind the labels of "Doctor", "Lawyer", "President", "Engineer", "Captain" etc, lies a human being who does the best he/she can in what he/she has been tasked to do, sometimes makes mistakes despite the best of intentions and has real emotions & real feelings which oftentimes get hurt by thoughtless words and false assumptions.

Peace.

Three Cups of Tea

This is a must-read for everyone - the story of this amazing man who made a difference to thousands of children in one of the poorest parts of the world.

Greg Mortensen, ex-mountaineer turned humanitarian, is an eccentric character, to say the least. The book is written (by Mortensen together with David Relin) in a captivating narrative which captures the reader & refuses to let him/her go till the last page is read.

The roadblocks faced by this man as he tried to build schools for the voiceless in Pakistan & Afghanistan would have stopped the average person. But (I think) because of his eccentricity, and a huge amount of persistence, with perhaps a bit of recklessness (or stupidity, depending on whom you are talking to), he literally built his first school stone by stone.

His achievements are inspirational. This should be mandatory reading for The Powers That Be who sit on the governments which send troops to the Middle East or Afghanistan.

This paragraph sums up quite neatly why the war on terror is not being won by the politicians:

"We only stayed a minute, while I was introduced," Mortensen says. "And I wish I could tell you I said something amazing to Donald Rumsfeld, the kind of thing that made him question the whole conduct of the war on terror, but mostly what I did was stare at his shoes.

"I don't know much about that kind of thing, but even I could tell they were really nice shoes. They looked expensive and they were perfectly shined. I remember also that Rumsfeld had on a fancy-looking gray suit, and he smelled like cologne. And I remember thinking, even though I knew that the Pentagon had been hit by a hijacked plane, that we were very far away from the fighting, from the heat and dust I'd come from in Kabul."

His work has inspired me.

This book has made me see that in the greater scheme of things, we need to appreciate what we have instead of focusing on what we don't, and yes, it is cliched, but there are always others MUCH less fortunate than us. Oh, I have known it all along, but reading about the people in Pakistan & Afghanistan & how the live has made me appreciate this so much more.

It has also shown me that sometimes, we need to take small steps at the beginning to reach a seemingly unreachable destination.

I think I will take my first step now.