Travelog - College Visits

Stanford.

Berkeley.

New York University.

Columbia University.

Princeton University.

These were the colleges we visited during our trip. We wanted to give our older boy a feel of these higher institutions of learning, since he will start his college applications process in the coming two years.

Columbia University

I know, I know...very lofty aspirations we parents have for our children, but hopefully, by showing our boys what's out there, they may be inspired to reach for the heights! Haha, just kidding. Seriously, these colleges are just a handful of so many excellent schools here in the US, not just Ivy Leagues, but also smaller & academically rigorous ones like Lehigh, Renselaar, Colgate, just to name a few.

Stanford - Corridors of learning

The ones we visited this time ranged from State universities (Berkeley) to private ones (NYU & Stanford) to traditional Ivy Leagues (Columbia & Princeton). All were excellent schools but had very different curricula with foci on different aspects of education. The Ivy Leagues tend to be more liberal arts-centric while the private universities had more professional courses to offer.

UC Berkeley

They all offered information sessions for students & parents, which outlined their curricula, admissions process (generally holistic although given the kind of applications they get, scoring at least 1400 in the SATs is the norm rather than the exception!) & financial aid. College costs are hefty - in these colleges, they were around the USD50K per annum ballpark. Hence schools which give a lot of grants & scholarships (to US citizens) like Stanford & NYU sound very attractive to us parents!

Campus tours were also useful in giving the potential students a sense of the size of the school as well as the atmosphere. For me, I found Stanford, located on over 8,000 acres of land (!) to be less "cosy" than Berkeley or Columbia, while NYU was very vibrant, since its buildings are not confined within the typical college campus, but rather, become part of the landscape of the Village in NYC. Basically, you step out of a school building on to the New York city sidewalk!

Columbia, with its old historical buildings & Grecian columns, had a very academic feel to it. For those looking for a good liberal arts curriculum, this is the place for you.

My personal favorite is Princeton. With a smaller campus than Columbia, it had a more homey feel to it, with the added plus of being surrounded by quaint neighborhoods & nice restaurants :). If I had to do it all over again, this would be my first choice (assuming that I could get in!!!)

Princeton - my favorite!

Tough Calls

How does one make such a decision?

Oct 22, 2007

Weigh options when saving premature baby

I REFER to the article, 'Saving tiny tickers' (ST, Oct 11).

It is indeed heartening that medical advances allow the babies mentioned to enjoy a new lease of life.

Infant mortality has been reduced drastically because of the excellent medical care and services provided by Singapore's health-care workers.

However, we should not use the plain vanilla number of initial infant survivals as the basis of a job well done by health-care professionals.

This holds true, especially for extremely premature babies.

With advances in medical treatment, younger and younger 'premmies' are able to survive.

However, some will have disabilities, from minor to major, because of their early arrival and subsequent damage to their brain and under-developed organs.

If a baby is severely brain-damaged, where his quality of life in future is likely to be almost non-existent, should the doctor go all out to save the baby, just so he is alive for another painful day?

Or should the doctor let the baby die with dignity, through compassionate inaction?

Who should be the one to make such an important judgment call on the treatment (intensive, moderate and just enough to prolong the life, letting go) for the tiny patient?

For parents, this dilemma can be very much be like that of the relatives of a brain-dead patient.

It is therefore important that a clear standard set of rules and guiding principles be provided and adopted for extreme premmies' treatment, as this is a sensitive and grey area where emotions, and personal and religious morals and convictions play a big part.

It is important that the parents have a say in the premmie's treatment and can make informed decisions.

This is because, as parents, their decisions will be based on what is best for the baby.

Doctors should not be biased against their young patients' parents, even when the parents' views and opinions differ greatly from theirs.

Doctors should also respect parents' decision on treatments offered to the baby, even if they disagree with the parents' decision.

At the end of the day, it is the parents, not the doctors, who will have to care for the disabled child.

Thus, treatment options should be scaled towards what the informed parents want.

Olivia Siow Yan (Ms)

As a resident working in the NICU, I grappled with such dilemnae almost daily. Why save the premature, especially the severely premature, when the child eventually develops disabling conditions like cerebral palsy, bronchopulmonary dysplasia, ROP, all requiring long term medical care, with questionable quality of life. And the caregivers, having had to deal with the heartbreaking situation, are now saddled with a huge hospital bill, & look forward to a life time of probably repeated hospital stays & visits & seeing their child suffer.

But as a resident, one sworn to save lives, we pretty much did our damnedest to save even the most premature of babies until we knew that there was nothing much else we could do for him. I don't remember any one of the parents trying to stop us from doing so. I sometimes wondered why.

But then I became a parent. I then realized that the love one has for one's child, even unborn, is undescribably all-encompassing. I understand now, why these parents would want the doctors to try their damnedest, no matter how disabled or how much suffering their child might end up with. In a way, it's a selfish kind of love.

In any case, it's a tough call to make. To save or not to save. You tell me.

What's In A Name

Apparently, a Chinese couple tried to name their baby this symbol.

There are strange sounding "Westernized" names that many Chinese people give themselves, especially those who work with foreigners. I have come across "Silke", "Yippe", "Fancy" just to name a few.

The idea is that these names are easier to remember than Chinese names spelt in HanYu PinYin. Many non-Chinese speakers find it hard to pronounce, let alone remember strange sounding names like Xu Qinjin or Zhang Xinli. Even Chinese speakers like me find it tough. I think it would be easier to remember if one knows the Chinese characters for the name as they actually mean something, since remembering Chinese characters is kinda like having to remember pictograms or logograms.

So if I were to introduce you to a girl named Meilian, for example, it would be easier to remember her as beautiful lotus (which is what the name means).

With China's economy expanding faster than the speed of light, & the Internet inundating everyone's lives, it is inevitable that sooner or later, someone would come up with the idea of naming his child "@", poor kid.

Actually, I think being named @ may not be too bad after all, compared to Tabooger, Fifi-Trixiebelle or I.P. Freely according to this website of Strange Celebrity Baby Names.

My Son, The Rocker

My 13-year-old has discovered the advantages of being a really good lead guitarist in a rock group. (Before anyone starts accusing me of being a biased mom, there have been quite a few other more objective people who have commented favorably on his skills as a guitarist at his age - heh heh).

For the last couple of months, my basement has been turned into a rehearsal studio for his band to practise for a Middle School "rock concert" which happened last week.

This was the song they did:


It has been loud. Real loud.

There were teenagers running in & out of our home after school almost everyday. And recently, I discovered that among these teens were also a bunch of groupies - MY SON HAS GROUPIES??? But he's my baby boy!!!

Anyway, apparently, he has become quite popular among the ladies due to his reputation as a rock guitarist, especially after the performance. He pointed out from his yearbook who were the girls who like him (although, he clarified, he doesn't reciprocate the feelings).

This is new territory for me. My older boy has lots of friends, both girls & boys, but not the target of adulation. I will have to tread carefully & slowly through this.

O, sweet child o' mine, is growing up...

I don't get it

Someone please explain this to me.

How can a mother, let alone THREE mothers do this to their children???

THE SCARS LEFT BY ABUSE
Thursday May 24, 2007

Incest victims battle trauma as mothers are sentenced

Loh Chee Kongcheekong@mediacorp.com.sg

THEIR father's incestuous acts have left the six daughters, now aged 14 to17, with profound psychological scars.

One of them now has "difficulty in managing her sexual urges" while another has developed a "phobic reaction" to the words "torn" and "tear"as they reminded her of the sexual abuses.

And they will have to cope without three of their mothers, who were sentenced to jail yesterday for helping their husband - who had 10 wives and 64 children - commit incest over a period of 15 months.

Yesterday, District Judge Shaiffudin Saruwan sentenced the first and second wives, aged 39 and 38, to three years' jail, for persuading each of their daughters, both then 14, to have sex with their father.

The heaviest punishment went to the third wife, 42, who was sentenced to nine years behind bars.

She had pleaded guilty to three charges, including an aggravated incest charge of persuading her own 12-year-old daughter to have sex with herf ather.

Describing the jail term as "appropriate", Judge Shaiffudin stressed that the act of abetting incest is a "serious case of abuse of trust", evoking strong public outrage. The sentence must thus "accurately reflect society's abhorrence for this type of offence", he added. He also read out how each of the victims was coping based on the psychological treatment reports that were submitted to the court.

According to the reports, most of them were angry at their father's actions, although one of them still "expressed strong loyalty towards her father's (religious) teachings and downplayed the seriousness of the abuse".

The man is currently serving a 32-year, 24-stroke sentence.

The victims had sought the court's leniency in sentencing, as they were concerned that their family would suffer more if their mothers were jailed.

But while acknowledging the emotional and financial burden on the family,Judge Shaiffudin noted that the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) and the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore (Muis)have been assisting them.

For example, he pointed out, all 29 of the primary school-going children had been placed under a student care programme run by the Student Care Centre, with their fees waived.

Said the judge: "I am assured that with this holistic approach towards the provision of financial and emotional assistance and support, they would be better able to cope in the aftermath of this unfortunate episode."

"The family members and relatives present appeared distraught, especially when the third wife was sentenced, and several wept as the three were led away.

Copyright ©2005 MediaCorp Press Ltd All rights reserved

Like most mothers, I am protective of my children. The maternal instinct is one of nurturing, & of protecting one's young. Yet, these three people (I don't want to call them mothers anymore) have demonstrated a morally reprehensible & disgusting act, one which I cannot comprehend.

What kind of brainwashing did they go through by their husband, probably under the guise of some warped religious belief, to make them force their daughters into incest?

I don't understand. I don't get it.

Young, Gifted, and Not Getting Into Harvard

I read this article from the New York Times this morning.

I must admit that I am a parent with hopes of at least one of my children getting into an Ivy League school, or at least one of the top tier colleges. Although I don't push them by enrolling them into all kinds of prep courses to increase their SAT scores (not yet anyway!), I do occasionally drop hints like:

"Hey, you know, you really need to high score in the SATs to get into XYZ University"; or

"Hey, you know you should take part in more community service groups so that it will look good on your college application."; or

"Hey, you know, if you are REALLY good in basketball/football/fencing/hockey/tennis/badminton/synchronised swimming/lacrosse, you will stand a better chance of getting into XYZ University?"; or

"You know, you should start working on improving your writing skills because you will need to write an outstanding essay in your college application."

Realistically speaking, the chances of getting in is very slim. So I am going to try & let go of this pipe dream; if my kids are happy doing what they love & have passion for, it will not matter which college they do or do not get into. After all, life is more than about getting an Ivy League education.

Heck, Life itself is an education.

Rant

So, this is the thing that’s been bugging me for the last few days.

My son & his friend went to a school musical last Friday evening. They came home after school to hang out before heading out for dinner then the show in school. Just before they left for dinner, I heard my son say, “Hang on, I need to get my school ID.” His friend said that he didn’t bring his, to which my son replied,” Oh, but you don’t need to show it. You’re white.” True enough, the guards checked my son's ID but didn't ask for his friend's.

Somehow, it made me sad to hear him say that in such a matter of fact way. Apparently, the security guards in school don’t check ID’s if the kid is Caucasian. I am not sure if they check ID’s of Caucasian adults or not.

I guess I shouldn’t be naïve about the existence of such double standards. But I am very surprised at this colonial attitude being present here in China. After all, historically, China has always been wary of foreigners. However, it seems that now, the reverse is happening & Caucasian foreigners are being placed on pedestals. Not just in this example that I have just quoted, but also in the workplace, where white expats seem to be treated with a bit more reverence than non-whites.

It may seem like a small thing to get upset over, but I want to make the point to my kids that it is NOT okay to discriminate based on skin color, and one shouldn't be complacent about it either.

Teach Your Children Well

Teach Your Children by Crosby, Stills & Nash

You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by.
And so become yourself because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well, their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of the tender years can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth, they seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well, their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix,the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.


I agree with the author of this letter:

April 5, 2007, ST Forum
Wardrobe malfunction? Teach our kids proper values

I REFER to the letter, 'Models exposed too much, by design or otherwise' (ST, April 3), by Ms Wong Kam Fong.
I disagree with the writer's view and her suggestion of regulating fashion shows. If so, we will also have to regulate shows like music concerts, telling the superstar singers and dancers to be discreet with their clothing.

We have to restrict Jolin Tsai from revealing her cleavage, Alex To from taking off his top and Madonna from wearing her undergarments on stage because these shows have also a large number of children watching.

No, I am not suggesting that we should encourage indecency on public shows. I think the key is on education. We should teach our kids to be able to receive information of all kinds, analyse them and learn from it.

We should teach our kids to be able to identify the good and bad information, put them to good use in their life.

Yes, all these can be done through parents teaching their kids proper Values. Shutting out such information from our kids through regulations is not going to help - we are not teaching them how to face the real world, instead, running away from it.

Our kids will grow up not being able to face reality but run away from it. Our kids should be able to look at the exposed breast of the model and say 'Oops! Okay, if I am the designer or the workers backstage in future, I will make sure this blunder does not happen and put the model in such an awkward situation'.

Our Government has so far done a lot in this aspect and constantly reviews its regulations to meet the standards of the ever changing world.

Even with such stringent regulations on our land, we still have problems with our kids. We have a nine-year-old child getting pregnant, teens having multiple sex partners and teens who think there is nothing wrong having pre-marital sex and no qualm filming themselves doing it.

We can stop pornographic materials on our land, we can stop Crazy Horse from advertising but we can't stop the Internet world from having pornographic materials, we can't stop the people on the streets from wearing revealing clothing, we can't stop accidents happening on fashion shows, showing off the wrong things.

Go to the news-stands and you will see that almost every issue of fashion, entertainment, women's and even car magazines have models in bikinis, lingerie or clothing that reveals lots of cleavage or legs on the cover.

Yes, Ms Wong has a valid concern. But I think the way to deal with it is to educate our kids with proper values and face it with the right attitude and not regulating and avoiding it.
Parents and schools play an equally important part in teaching our kids correct values of life and shaping their character to meet the challenges of the world.
Lim Soo Huat

It's hard to shíeld one's children from the "badness" of our world. Technology has made it so easy to access information through the Internet. There is Internet radio, video websites like YouTube, even Internet TV. Attempts at censorship by blocking websites can be bypassed using proxies (personal experience here!).

I know of parents who do not allow their children to watch "Power Rangers" or MTV because of violence in the former & promiscuity in dressing, explicit lyrics in the latter. It's easy to do so when the children are toddlers & preschoolers. But once they reach school-going age, & we let them out into the big, wide, scary world, they will start to pick up things from their friends.

So Mr Lim has it right when he says we need to teach our children well, starting from home. Having strong values & morals will allow our children to see for themselves what is right or wrong, what is inappropriate & what is not. Blocking out what we don't want them to see or hear is not going to work. Eventually, they will have to grow up & decide for themselves what is good or bad. We need to help them start building up a strong moral center, beginning when they are children, and continuing through their teen years so that when the time comes, they can make the right decisions in their own journey through life.

Hip & Happenin'

Apparently, I’m a “hip mom” – this from a friend/fellow doctor’s daughter who knows about the existence of this blog. I guess I am hip for being a blogger, when many others in my generation (man, that sounds so old) are still trying to figure out how to use email.

I’m glad I’m hip. I think it’s important for parents to keep up (or at least try to!) with the latest in technology or top of the chart hits or latest fashion or teen hottie etc. I think if your child sees you showing an interest in what he or she is into, it strengthens the relationship, and also helps parents understand the mysteries of their children’s minds a little bit better. Plus I also think it keeps you young at heart.

And it’s also great if your kid thinks you’re a cool mom.

:)

Stirring up the Passion for Learning

I watched a debate about the pros & cons of a democracy vs. communism this morning. No, it wasn't a discussion among a group of adults about politics. It was by a bunch of 7th graders (13 & 14 year olds) in school as part of their year long class project called "City on the Sea".

The premise behind this project is for them to develop a whole new city from the "ground" up within the scenario of the polar ice caps melting & covering all the land on earth. They had to figure out how much space they would need for the population, how they would generate energy to run the city, what kind of government they would want for the city (hence today's debate) & so on & so forth. Math, Science, Social Studies are all covered in this project as well as public speaking skills (when they make their own presentations on different aspects of the project).

This is the kind of teaching in schools that will stimulate the students, & encourage their passion for learning. And it was passion I heard during the Q & A session at the debate as the students all voiced their questions & opinions about the kind of political system they would want to have in their city. Hands were shooting up left, right & center as so many wanted their voices to be heard. The teachers were there, not to criticise their opinions, but more as moderators to keep things moving along smoothly.

I think we can argue till the cows come home about which education system works best for whom & in what country...but end of the day, when I see the enthusiasm stirred up in these students & their eagerness to question what is placed before them, it's clear to me what works...and what doesn't.

Education

How will MOE or any of the local schools respond to this letter, I wonder?

March 17, 2007, ST Forum
Which school would students rather be in?

LET me contrast the approaches taken by an international school and an autonomous school in Singapore.
Guess which school offers customer-service orientation to parents and students (teachers respect students and do not scream at them); later-starting school hours; curriculum that allows learning to take place (teach less, learn more); good and motivated teachers; small class sizes; no pressure on students/staff to win accolades (the journey is more important than the destination); minimal homework and tests/exams; hiphop dancing exercise for PE and, best of all, cellphone and laptop usage.
Students and parents are welcome to see the teachers and the principal himself whenever possible - no bureaucratic system to block access, even the security is friendly.
The typical Singapore school's philosophy is that 'children should be seen and not heard'. The moment they arrive in school, they have to sit down quietly in the hall to read. During recess, there is no time to play. They are not allowed to talk in class (too noisy). Small wonder many do not grow up articulate and find school to be, at best, a forgettable experience.
Shoes, socks and hair pose no big issues in the international school (don't sweat the small stuff). Students are free to show individualism (and do they look good). But not the stern Singapore school - it wants the students to look like factory-produced robots. I do not think this is the only way to instil discipline. I recall the time I had to go out late at night to buy white school shoes with laces for my child (velcro not allowed).
Education should reflect changes in the workplace and society - including cellphone usage. Everyone is using cellphones everywhere, except in our conservative schools. How do you expect students to learn to use their phones properly in public if they are not allowed to do so in school? Education is also about teaching them responsible use of the phone during lessons.
Ultimately, it boils down to mindset and how a school manages the students. It is time for the local schools to loosen up.
By the way, ask the international school students if they are happy and the answer is an affirmative 'Yes'. The students also do reasonably well academically, in case you wonder.

Lam Mun Wai (Mdm)


Regular readers of my blog would know that one of my pet peeves is the Singapore educational system. Some of the issues have been highlighted by Mdm Lam: teachers’attitudes towards their students (perhaps not screaming at them, but stern all the same), expecting students to be “guai”& sit quietly listening to the teacher doing all the talking instead of an interactive learning environment, class sizes, the emphasis on results (i.e. exams/tests) instead of the learning process etc.

Will they cite cultural differences as an excuse for the different approach to education? The need for a strict dress/appearance code to instill discipline? Banning cellphones to avoid distractions?

Let’s see what they say…

Supermom

There is a loud resounding silence as far as response to this letter is concerned.

Dec 2, 2006
Mothers deserve more support from Govt

I READ the articles under the heading, 'Disparate housewives' (The Sunday Times, Nov 26), with much interest.

I am a housewife by choice, having previously worked as sales support manager for a US-China joint venture after completing my Master of Science degree. I also have an MBA.

When our first son was born nine years ago, my husband and I decided that I would give up my career to be a full-time mother/housewife. This decision drew sneers from well-meaning relatives and friends, while my parents thought I was wasting my education and talents.

We now have four lovely children. Motherhood is truly a sacrificial and demanding task but I have no regrets. No childcare service can replace the mother. Mother is often the best caregiver and teacher.

However, what bothered me is the inconsistency in government policy. When I applied recently for permanent residency for my parents, the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority (ICA) rejected my application with the statement, 'You may wish to submit another application for our consideration after you are gainfully employed for a period of time.'

Does the Government think that full-time mothers are not gainfully employed? As reported, stay-at-home mothers/housewives contributed approximately 8 per cent of Singapore's GDP, not counting the long-term impact on Singapore's future. This has been clearly documented in academic-research finding after finding worldwide, including Nanyang Technological University Associate Professor Euston Quah's findings, as was also reported.

Since around 1999, the Government has been actively encouraging Singaporeans to have more babies, offering baby bonuses and tax rebates in the face of a declining and fast-ageing indigenous population.

While one can understand the Government's wish at the same time to encourage mothers to return to the workforce, a policy conflict-of-interests and dilemma is inadvertently created.

The future of Singapore is in mothers' hands. It takes commitment, patience and, above all, sacrificial love to nurture children, for the future of the country.

The letter I received from ICA was a true dampener. Should not mothers deserve more support and understanding from the Government?

He Ruo Fan (Ms)"

I guess one of the spin doctors in ICA is trying to craft a response that

a) empathises with Ms He's sentiments that SAHM's are important in the process of child-rearing;
b) will support the Government's call to have more babies;
c) calls for more companies to be more pro-family so that more SAHM's can return to work at least part-time (like being a mother is not work???);
d) will also support the Government's call for women to return to the workforce.

Maybe the silence from the general public is because many Singaporeans feel that housewives/full time moms don't really have a job? Forget about the night calls (i.e. night feeds/diaper changes for infants), nursing (i.e.sick child/sick husband), chaffeur (i.e. driving kids to/from school & activities), housekeeper (i.e. housework), accountant (i.e. keeping track of household accounts & making sure bills are paid), cook (self-explanatory), teacher (i.e. reading to kids/revision/helping them with assessments), COO (of the household). Oh, and also you cannot take MC as no one will be able to take over your duties, and also no vacation days either, for the most part.

On Being Parents

A couple of days ago, a toddler’s big toe was ripped off when it got caught on the side of an escalator. She was wearing rubber clogs (you know, the one that is damn ugly but damn comfortable). It was highlighted that these clogs are very pliable & hence would get caught & pulled into the gap between the side of the escalator & the step.

Hopefully, the clogs won’t be made the scapegoat of this kind of accidents. If you think about it reasonably, it would be quite difficult to edge your foot to the side of the escalator so that it would get caught. But knowing children, they have a propensity to stick things where they don’t belong. I have had to, on many occasions during my A & E posting, extract a variety of foreign objects from various orifices in the head of a number of children.

My point is this: an adult (usually the parent) is supposed to supervise the behavior of children, especially those under the age of 5. They are supposed to teach them that certain actions are dangerous, and that certain kinds of behavior are unacceptable in civilized society. They are supposed to teach them how to do certain things like crossing the road, going up & down stairs, going up & down escalators. Obviously, we don’t expect the kids to pick up on the safe way of doing these things immediately. You would expect the adult to hold the child’s hand, for example, while crossing the street (I still try to do that to my 12 year old, to his chagrin ☺). You would expect the adult to watch the child & admonish him if necessary, if the kid starts misbehaving on an escalator (like trying to stick his/her foot into the crevice between the step & the side…I don’t know if this actually happened in the above mentioned case, but it could have).


Parenthood is a full-time job. You need vigilance, care, and attention on top of TLC. It’s easy to love a child (especially your own☺!) but it is hard to keep them safe 24/7.

When my kids were little, I had child-proof locks on all my kitchen cabinets/drawers; child-proof covers on the knobs of the stove; a plastic shield attached to the front of my stove to prevent inquisitive fingers from reaching up & pulling a pot of boiling liquid on top of his head; child-proof gates preventing the kids from getting into the kitchen while Mommy was cooking (no maid while living in the US – I survived ☺); child-proof gates on the bottom AND top of the staircase, bumpers on the corners of my coffee table to prevent accidental bumps & scalp lacerations.

Whenever we ate out, I automatically would move breakable crockery or glasses full of liquid or hot dishes out of reach of grasping hands…I still do this if I happen to be dining in the company of small children!

Locally, many children are being looked after by domestic helpers. I think many parents become very lackadaisical when the time comes that they have to take care of their own child (eg. on the maid’s day off). They need to wake up, step up to the plate & take responsibility, not only for keeping their children safe, but also in teaching them how not to behave like hooligans.

Educating the Whole Person

I share Dr Huang's sentiments & hopes on the recent initiatives announced by the MOE.

Educating our young is something I feel very strongly about. My gripe about the local system is the narrowness of its curriculum & its emphasis on getting good grades in tests & exams.

When we moved back here, my older son went directly into Primary 1. He was in the 1st grade in the US system. What a culture shock it was! So unsurprisingly, my son took about a month of tears & stomach aches before he adapted to the local classroom, crowded with 40 boys & one very harrassed teacher!

Coming from a Pennsylvanian suburb, where tuition classes for preschoolers/kindergarteners are unheard of & where the only enrichment "classes" I'd heard of were Kindermuzik & Gymboree, I was flummoxed to see such classes being advertised in newspapers, community centers, etc etc catering to children as young as 3 or 4 years old! As a matter fact, I refused to have my son take Chinese tuition lessons at the tender age of 7, as I expected his school to be able to teach him what he should know. Alas, 6 months into the school year, I received a call from his Chinese teacher asking if he had any supplementary help from a tutor at home. Upon finding out that he had none, she "gently encouraged" me to find one for him. In my heart, I thought that something was very wrong with a system which requires its students to spend additional time OUTSIDE the classroom with external tutors in order to achieve what they are expected to achieve IN school. Time spent outside of school should be reserved for recreation, leisure or relaxation. Or so I thought.

After 5 years of enduring this (during which my second boy started in Pr 1), my husband & I made the decision to transfer them into an international system, where we hoped that our childrens' potential could be explored more fully. Yes, Math & Science are important but are other areas which are similarly important like the Arts & Music. And the standard of English being taught...don't get me started on that!

We didn't want our kids to become automatons churned out at the end of their primary/secondary education, excelling only in passing exams from rote learning, but not daring to/not knowing how to form their own opinions about the world around them.

What a turnaround it has been over the last 3 years! My kids' minds have been challenged to think deeply & to analyse what they are reading instead of wholesale remembering/regurgitating the contents of a text book. In English, they actually read literature books & learn how the authors have used the language to tell a story & express themselves. My older son actually had some problem "re-aligning" his neurons to think this way in the initial few months, as he was so used to just filling in the blanks & choosing answers for multiple choice questions!

In addition to the quality education they receive, they also get to 'hang out' with children of other races & nationalities, an opportunity they would never have been able to get if they had stayed local. This is especially important in a world that is ever growing smaller with globalisation. Despite what they say about greater integration of races in schools with organised events, together with the media hype focussing on the few who actually DO mix with other races, I still notice that in real situations, like still clique with like.

So yes, there has been some sacrifice on our parts, in order for our children to get the education which my hubby & I feel they should get. The formative years are sooo important to how they will turn out as adults.

My hope is that our current Education Minister's visions will be realised (hopefully sooner than later). The incentives & gratuity payouts to the teachers are commendable indeed; what needs to be fixed next is the way that students are taught, & the system that places emphasis on test/exam results. We have to remember that we are shaping a whole being, & not just that area of the brain reserved for memorising texts & formulae.

As the slogan for the United Negro College Fund goes: "The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste"

Mind-boggling

My jaw dropped & I could hardly believe what I was reading today in the Straits Times. One of the Singaporeans interviewed about what their hopes & wishes are, & their reaction to PM Lee Hsien Loong's National Day speech was a working mum, Mdm Kimberlie Chong. She is a mother of 4, & director of a business she runs with her husband. I reproduce part of the answer which she gave that had me gasping in disbelief.

Madam Chong was also pleased with the stress placed on schools to teach young Singaporeans to acknowledge their roots.
"Parents these days simply don't have the time to teach their children such subjects as moral values and Singapore's post-independent history."

Is it a wonder that the kids are growing up the way they are? The "Me" mentality, materialism, etc. With parents like Mdm Chong who do not make the time to teach moral values to their kids, I'm not surprised. I had previously blogged on this very issue, & Mdm Chong's statement seems to support what I am seeing in parents & kids today, with child-caring being left predominantly to their domestic helpers.

Being a parent is not to be taken lightly. That's why I feel that the Baby Bonus is not something that is beneficial in the long run in producing a society that we want to be proud of. If one can't make time to raise your kids right, then don't have kids at all. Period.

Proud Mom

Warning: the following post contains material that is maternally braggadocious in nature!





My 8th grader graduated from Middle School yesterday. He also received a President’s Educational Award for Academic Excellence. The certificate came with a letter signed by George Dubbya himself (printed, not handwritten; but I reckon it’s still pretty “awesome”, as my son would say!).

Surprisingly, I didn’t get all emotional like I did when he graduated from Kindy, though I did feel a prickling of tears when the school choir sang “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion.


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

Excerpt from “Because You Loved Me”



My little boy is growing up…

Back to School

Ha! Scored a 6 out of 10 for a Math (Algebra) Quiz today.

No, I didn’t go back to high school ☺; it was one of those student-parent-teacher conference thingys with my 8th grader today. And his Math teacher thought it would be a novel way for the parents to see what the kids have learnt in Math this past school year.

My son does Algebra. (They split the kids up according to ability: Pre-Algebra, Algebra & Geometry with the majority of kids doing Pre-Alg while Algebra & Geometry are considered faster-track courses). So I had to do an Algebra quiz.

Here are some of the problems I had to solve, starting with the easiest ones first:

David has 83 coins in nickels (5 cents) & dimes (10 cents). He has a total of $6.95. How many of each coin does he have?

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Simplify:



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Solve the equation if possible:



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Factor by grouping

rs – 6r – 5s + 30


Here are some I couldn’t do:

Write an equation in slope-intercept form for the line described below:
Containing (4,8) and (-2, -1)

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Solve:



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Graph the system of inequalities and state the solution:




(it’s been eons since I’ve drawn graphs from equations….!!!)



Considering the fact that it’s been more than 20 years since I’ve worked on mathematical formulae and that my brain has been used for memorizing medical facts more than anything else in the last half of my life, I was not too disappointed with my score ☺ .

Besides, two other parents there who took the PRE-Algebra quiz scored a ZERO and a 5 out of 10, respectively....hehehe...

On raising a child

It was heart-lifting to read this letter in today's newspaper:

Young adult thinks parents should take responsibility for their children rather than rely on 'the authorities'

I REFER to the letter 'Kidz Bop spreads wrong values' by Mr Nicodemus Ching Cheok Hui (ST Online Forum, May 20).

As a young adult, I have yet to experience parenthood and am unable to share my sentiments with Mr Ching, but letters to ST Forum by parents showing concerns over their children have given me an image of 'modern' parents in Singapore.

All too often, there are letters from parents with concerns or complaints about contents in the media or issues their children have to deal with in and out of school. Almost always, a reply is expected from 'the authorities'. This raises a question in my mind: 'Are parents fulfilling their roles as parents?'

Let us face the harsh reality. The influence of media is growing exponentially and the environment around us is ever changing. There is no way to put a stop to 'undesirable' materials being displayed via any medium, nor can we choose what experiences we want our children to go through.

Please do not seek solutions from the authorities or the Government. You, as a parent, chose to have a child, and it is your responsibility to bring him up to be an upright person.

One may argue that I am still too young and inexperienced to put forward any comment on how a child should be brought up, but I beg to differ. One simply needs to move outdoors and observe parent-child interactions to see the seriousness of this problem: for example, children showing disrespect to their parents and parents taking no action to correct their children's behaviour.

Perhaps parents today are too soft-hearted and resort to other means to teach their children. It is time for parents to reflect and take the responsibility of teaching their children rather than spend time and effort trying to get a solution from 'the authorities'.

Eric Ho Wee Kim



Parenthood is a hands-on endeavour. This seems to be an oft forgotten fact by many Singaporeans. Because of easily available & affordable domestic help here, much of the parenting has been left to the maids. And having husbands who are mostly hopeless on the homefront as far as childcare, & housework is concerned, doesn’t help either, thanks to their mothers who think that their darling sons should not be allowed to lift a finger to help out at home. I know of people whose husbands have not even touched their own children’s diapers. And these are mostly guys who have grown up locally, and not had the experience of living overseas & having to take care of their own household without Mummy or a maid to help. (Note: I am not saying that ALL local guys are helpless; this is the impression that I have gotten from my encounters).

Giving birth is probably the easiest part of parenthood (or perhaps the creation of the child ☺). After that come the sleepless nights, the dirty diapers, the messy emissions from various orifices, the childhood illnesses with the accompanying anxieties, the tantrums, the adolescent angst, teaching your child right from wrong, school choices, school grades, colleges choices…the list is never-ending.

Parents should take it upon themselves to raise their children & not rely on the government or their maid to do so. Oh sure, have someone help out with some of the housekeeping chores. But for heaven’s sake, discipline your own child, & teach them to behave in a civilized manner instead of relying on your maid to do so. Speak to your children about the birds & the bees instead of blaming the schools for not giving proper instruction on sex education. Help your children make the right decisions instead of asking the government to ban certain books/music/movies/TV programs because of questionable content (be it religious, moral or ethical).

We, parents, are the grown-ups, and our children look to us for guidance. It is OUR responsibility that they grow up to be well-rounded individuals, who are able to make wise choices in their own lives.

Motherhood

Yesterday was Mother's Day.

I realise that I am only less than halfway through this journey through motherhood; and what a journey it has been...

The Beginning - I first fell in love with my child when I found out of his existence. Hard to imagine for some, but there it is, the strong maternal bond that can develop even before the child is born.

Giving Birth - done it both ways: C-section (because of breech presentation) as well as the normal way (if you can call pushing what feels like a watermelon out of one's body normal!). To all you mothers-to-be out there, the epidural is THE WAY TO GO...THANK YOU to whoever discovered/developed/invented the epidural procedure...you are a godsend!

The Trials & Tribulations - breastfeeding (actually just the initiation of breastfeeding with the accompanying sore nipples, engorgement & anxiety over whether one is producing enough or not :) ), sleepless nights (especially if one does not rely on a maid to bring up one's baby!), childhood fevers which sometimes seem neverending, the toddler tantrums, dealing with the sibling rivalry (still ongoing), worrying about the quality of education they receive...

The Cost - self-explanatory. This brings to mind an exchange between Homer Simpson (speaking in a very fatherly way) & his son Bart:

Homer: "Do you know why your mother & I share the same bed?"

Bart: "Because we're poor?"

Homer: "Yes...and do you know why we're poor?"

Bart: "Why?"

Homer: "Because we have children."

It had my husband & I ROTFL because it is so true!!!

The Rewards - immeasurable.

My Baby

My little cherub graduates from Middle School in a few weeks.





This picture was taken almost 14 years ago. He is now a strapping young man who has outgrown both my husband & me (in size), & probably knows more about IT related stuff than I do.

This may seem like a minor achievement to all you non-parents out there, but for parents (well, for me anyway), every step they take, no matter how small, is a milestone. Each milestone marks the end of one phase of your child’s life, & heralds the beginning of a new one. My son goes into high school come August & I know that the 4 years will fly by in the blink of an eye & off to college he will then go. Each milestone brings the child closer to the day when he (or she) leaves home, which I know will suddenly feel incomplete without my baby (& eventually my babies) there.

Once, my younger son said to me, “I’m NOT a baby” in response to something we were discussing regarding childish behaviour (I forget the details ... age, you know.). My response to him was: “You may not be A baby, but you & your brother will always be MY babies no matter how old you are.” That pretty much silenced him!

My message to the mothers out there: cherish the time you have with your little ones now…because time DOES fly & you will need to let them go sooner than you think.