America the Not So Beautiful

 My love affair with the USA started to flounder in 2016, when Trump was first elected as the 45th  President of the United States.  How can people vote for someone like him?  A narcissistic sociopath, with doubtful morals, poor business practices, a known swindler, adulterer, misogynist, and recently a convicted criminal.  He is the epitome of the obnoxious American.  

And now, he has been re-elected to be the 47th President of the United States.  He even won the popular vote.  His voters seem to be siloed within their own bubble of misinformation and scare tactics.  But I also see how those on the left are also siloed .  The politicians need to realise that for the average person, how high the stock market is or how low unemployment is, does not translate into how well they are doing personally, as far as their pocketbook is concerned.  We have all felt the pinch of increased food prices and cost of living in the last few years.  It is easy to blame the bright shiny object, in this case, the incumbent political party, of which Ms Harris is a part. It doesn't matter that Trump is a snake oil salesman, or that what comes out of his mouth is only what he knows will appeal to "his" people.  Whether or not he is able to solve there economical problems doesn't really matter to them.  All they want is change.

I hope that the "Centrists" in this country can rise up over the next few years and gather strength and support from the masses to make changes to the political system that resulted in the election of such a flawed human being.  I am afraid of the people that he is going to be surrounding himself with during his Presidency- those with far right views and ultra conservative ideas.  I fear for the reproductive rights of women in the coming years.  I fear that America will become more insular.  I fear that immigrants will be ostracised by this country.  I am saddened and disillusioned with this country which is not what I thought it was.  

I hope I am proven wrong.

Home

 

Home

As I wait in the airport lounge for my flight back home to Seattle, I can’t help thinking about where life has brought me so far.  This has been a bittersweet trip to my other home; I celebrated Chinese New Year with the family that I still have here, had makan catch ups with various groups of friends from medical school and our Beijing days, and mahjong sessions with my mahjong kakis.  We also had a mini-reunion with friends from primary/secondary school which was tinged with sadness as we lost one of our classmates a week before, unexpectedly and shockingly.  

This devastating news shook me, because she had been so present in our prior reunions & meet-ups.  We never thought or think about how each time we see each other may be for the very last time….. the last “Bye!”,  the last “See you again soon!”,  the last “Take care!”

The life of an expat/third culture person is not easy despite some of the outward trappings that come with it.  The chance to experience life in other countries and cultures, traveling to exotic locales, making friends from all over the world – this has been priceless.  What comes with all this is the 
missing out on birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and reunions…. and an added appreciation of the moments when we CAN come together in the same physical space instead of through the nether of whatsapp/telegram/sms messages. 

When we DO get together, it feels like Home.  The old familiar friendships and relationships feel like a comfortable pair of old pajamas; we slip into conversations, remembering old times, old teachers and old friends.  It doesn’t matter if we have told the same stories over and over again, we still love the retelling all the same.

I have been asked countless times over the years: “Where is Home?”  And each time, I have to think and think again before answering.  For now, I say: Home is where your Heart is.  It doesn’t have to be tied to a physical place, but to the people you love, wherever they may be.

Broken Choices

 What kind of country is this

Where a woman's autonomy over her body

Depends on where she lives

Or if she can afford to execute that right

Where a doctor is not free to practice 

Good medicine

Depending on where he/she lives

Regression

 Welp.... it's official.  The USA has regressed 50 years.  Women no longer have the constitutional right to have autonomy over their reproductive organs.  Depending on which state you live in, you may no longer have the right to make decisions about your reproductive health.

This country is so broken and divided, it's heartbreaking.  Extremes on both sides seem to have the loudest voices.  It is hard to find objective news media, as incentives are skewed towards getting more clicks instead of publishing straightforward news.

I don't know how this will evolve.  Will America once more become the shining city on the hill?  Or will its light continue to dim in the eyes of the world?  Only time will tell.

Never Forget

 I wrote this poem 15 years ago.  I'll never forget.

9/11

Five years past,
In disbelief I watched,
Mouth agape,
As planes smashed
One after the other
Into the two towers,
Televised “live” on CNN.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
This can’t be real,
It can’t be happening,
It must be a trick,
A camera trick,
A scene taken from a movie.

Then they fell
Like a stack of cards,
One after the other
Within seconds,
In a rising cloud of dust
That spread throughout Manhattan.

Another plane
Smashed into the Pentagon,
Another one into a field in Pennsylvania
One after the other.
Was that it? Was that it? Are there more?
Please, no more, no more, please.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
It felt surreal,
My mind numbed
By the thought of all those lives
Snuffed by unimaginable evil.
Terror transmitted halfway across the globe
Through the wonders of technology.

It was real
And yet unreal.
We lost our innocence
That fateful day,
No more trust
In our fellow man.

We have to find our way again,
Someone help us find our way again

Disruption ~ Chaos ~ Insurrection

 Just when you think that this year couldn't be any worse than last, yesterday's attempted coup happens in the Capital of the USA.  Spurred on by an incompetent president, hordes of thugs broke into the Capitol building to try to disrupt the electoral process confirming the election of Biden/Harris.

A mostly white crowd bearing flags and banners in various forms proclaiming their support (& love?) for their dear revered leader, some wearing combat gear, obviously ready for battle, they stormed the building and interrupted the proceedings (which thankfully resumed later in the night).  What struck me while watching live footage of the scene was the lack of control by law enforcement and the lack of presence of the National Guard, very unlike the scene last summer during the Black Lives Matter march when peaceful protestors were tear gassed and pepper sprayed.  Talk about white privilege....

Will there be anyone held accountable for this especially the political leaders who have enabled idiot in the Oval Office, who have not called him out for his countless lies, nor corrected the fake news coming from his mouth and his Twitter feed?  I am not optimistic having seen how much he has been able to get away with.  

The past 4 years watching American politics unfold has left a bad taste in my mouth.  I am disillusioned with America's political system.  The American dream and the shining city on the hill is still an admirable one.  But the experiment to achieve this dream and ideals that was first created by the founders has failed.  It needs to be reworked and refined.  The great divide between conservatives and liberals, the coastal cities and the middle of the country, the urban and the rural societies have grown.  Fresh new ideas need to be hashed out to address these difference.  Mistrust in the government and media and big corporations need to be addressed.  Social media hasn't helped especially in the spread of conspiracy theories and misinformation.  Journalism has lost its way.  

I don't know how these issues will be resolved.  It is a formidable undertaking.  But first the country needs to heal, after the painful 4 years of upheaval, much of it caused by a useless divisive, incompetent president.  I believe the President Biden and VP Harris will be able to start the healing process.  

Counting down to Jan 20..... 

Checking in, and checking out, 2020!

 Damn Covid.  What can one say about 2020 that hasn't already been said?  All I know is:

1) I miss being able to travel whenever/wherever I want to

2) I miss seeing my family and friends

3) I am thankful for our new home back in the USA

4) I am thankful that we have a home to hunker down in, unlike so many other who are suffering through this crisis

5) I am grateful that my family and friends and I remain healthy

6) I am supremely thankful that in a few weeks, a new administration will be taking over and I can stop feeling anxious and angry whenever I read the news or listen to a news clip about the shenanigans of the current president

Here's to a better year and hopefully the chance to see family and friends on the other side of the globe (or even this continent) again..... Happy New Year everyone!

What. A. Mess.

I can't believe that it's been over a year since I last posted here.  If you had told me a year ago that much of the first part of 2020 will be spent with most of the world on lockdown, with a novel viral pandemic raging and unemployment skyrocketing in many countries, I would have laughed and said you were crazy.

And yet, here we are.  I sit here in Macau, looking out at the rest of the world, especially Singapore and the USA which hold special places in my heart.  Macau has done relatively well; with a population of 600,00+ but a highly dense city, there have been less than 50 cases and no deaths from Covid-19 as I type this.   A combination of closing down the casinos, restricting border crossings, testing, contact tracing and isolation of cases has led to its success (but this small country that could seems to have been ignored by the world in general!)

Singapore did well initially with a quick response to the virus which started in Wuhan, China, putting in place protocols of isolation and contact tracing, much of which was learnt after the SARS epidemic in 2003.  Cases spiked later in overcrowded dormitories housing foreign workers who have previously been an ignored and invisible work force which keeps the Singapore economy going.  One hopes that all the focus on their living conditions will not fall by the wayside once this outbreak is over.

U.S.A.  What can I say about this once great country??!!  It has been heartbreaking to watch the political divide spill over in science and medicine, with sides being taken on simple things like wearing masks, when studies and global experiences have shown the benefits of how wearing a mask can help reduce the chance of spreading the infection.  Incompetent leadership (I won't mention names) has led to a lack of infection control protocol and a lack of coordination between states means that this outbreak is going to continue for a long time in the USA.  Simple contract tracing seems to be unachievable (because of privacy laws perhaps?) and poor messaging from the leader of the country has widened the divide.  An already broken healthcare system together with a political system that seems to have broken down into one which benefits the wealthy and you add to that a criminal justice system which is biased against people of color, and what do you get but a country of chaos.  

I can only hope that come November, new leadership will be elected to bring the country out of this abyss.  If not, if we get another 4 years of this mess, then all I can say is: God help the country.

* "I Call B***S***"

...that a 12 year old child goes to school, a supposedly safe haven and is thrust into a situation where he ends up holding on to a baseball bat in the event that he will go down fighting, I call B***S***

...when American leadership can offer nothing but thoughts and prayers over the last few decades every time there is a mass shooting, I CALL B***S***

...when the American political system has been corrupted by big money lobbyists, I call B***S***

...when the small vocal minority and big money lobbyists prevent common sense gun laws from being enacted, I call B***S***

*this phrase was popularized by Parkland High School school student Emma Gonzales at a rally where she called out the hypocrisy and political shenanigans surrounding attempts to enact common sense gun laws

55

I've just realized that I haven't posted at all this year.  And last year's posts numbered a measly FIVE.  I attribute it  purely to laziness.

I sometimes blog in my head, making commentaries about various subjects in my mind, thinking that I'll write them down when I get home or when I next turn on the computer but end up not doing it at all.  Much of the commentary involves US politics, the stupidity of Trump, his sycophants, and the messed up political system of America.  Sometimes, it's about our boys, their lives and career paths.  Oftentimes, it's about my current life of splitting time between three countries visiting aging parents, keeping hubby company and visiting the boys.  And I wonder about the what-ifs - what if I had taken a different more traditional path, similar to that of my peers.  What if I had met and married a local guy and stayed in Singapore to raise a family.  What if I had continued practicing clinical medicine.

It's probably part of getting older and conversations with friends have changed from how old our kids are and where they are going to school, to what ones' retirement plans are.  I dug up old pictures recently - pictures from secondary school and junior college.  How little we knew then!  I can see the naivete and innocence in our faces.

As I approach my 55th birthday in a few weeks,  I am thankful for this life and path I have been presented with and followed.  What a life it has been.  It hasn't been the most conventional, and I remain fairly rootless at this ripe old age.  But I have no regrets and look forward to the coming decades and to see what they will bring.

Bah Humbug

This year is probably the least Christmas-sy one in recent memory for us.  We spend the morning working out at the gym, followed by a very non-Christmas-sy lunch of dim sum, followed by an afternoon watching YouTube videos and Netflix then a dinner of Spanish tapas.

My Christmas ornaments have remained in their boxes for the 3rd year in a row....

It's hard to feel Christmas-sy when the rest of the family is not around.  It's times like this that one misses the good ol' days before our nest emptied out...

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Social Media - Love it or Hate it?

So, Facebook has been in the news lately, because of data privacy (or lack thereof).  Stolen data, fake news, bots, election interference.....it has certainly shook up the world and given us all a wake up call that data on the internet is not really private unless you are tech-savvy enough to put up walls of all kinds to prevent your data from being stolen.

Facebook is now in the center of all this because of how big it's grown and how many users are using this platform.  Through it all, I have been amused by those who criticize it (ironically, on Facebook!) because ultimately, the user needs to share responsibility as well.  My philosophy when it comes to using Facebook has always been that whatever data I put in there is not confidential.  If in doubt, just don't put it in or share it.  Period.

For me, FB has always been an important way for me to remain connected with my family and friends.  For those of us who are world travelers, and global nomads, it is difficult when we miss out on birthdays and anniversaries, reunions and celebrations, and social media is the only way for us to feel like, in some small way, we are part of the happenings that go on at "home".

Does Facebook need to take responsibility for its lapses?  Absolutely.  But we should also take responsibility for what we put on the internet.  In the era of fake news and internet "trolls"*, we should also be smart about what we see and read on dubious websites.  Do we need regulation?  I certainly think so.  I also think those who spread fake news or impersonate celebrities should be held liable.  This, I think, will be the only way to stop the divisiveness that is spreading alarmingly throughout not just the USA, but also the world.

*definition from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary: "a person who intentionally antagonizes others online by posting inflammatory, irrelevant, or offensive comments or other disruptive content" 

...the right to bear arms....

...mass shooting happens...
...prayers and condolences expressed in the press, in social media, on TV...
...killer identified...
...motive for killing investigated/discussed...
...victims highlighted and featured in various media...
...heroes lauded...
...gun control vs gun lobby arguments heard ad nauseum...
...nothing changes...

...repeat...

Bygones

I watch a video taken almost exactly 21 years ago, of the 80th birthday celebration of my maternal grandmother.  It brings smiles when I see everyone look so young, when my boys were still in pre-school in the US, and we made trips to visit our extended family in Singapore.  I see the rest of my extended family - grand-uncles, grand-aunties, uncles, aunties, cousins....all converging from different parts of the world to celebrate a grand occasion.

I miss those days when life was a bit simpler.  The generation before mine seemed to be better at keeping in touch.  I guess being an international family doesn't help with family reunions.  Between Then and Now, relocations, and family dysfunctions have caused us all to scatter in the different hemispheres of the world - North, South, East, West; and to lose the connection that once was so close.

Family & work commitments does not make it easy to congregate.  Occasions like Chinese New Year, or Christmas, traditionally times when families come together have been relegated FaceTime meetings over the internet.  Planning for special birthdays now have to start months, or even a year ahead of time, in order to accommodate travel arrangements, school semesters, and leave from work.

We are a third culture family - children of immigrants who have become immigrants themselves and who have borne children who have grown up with unique life experiences.  Do I wish that we had had a more "traditional" life? Sometimes I do....especially during festive seasons.  Do I regret our life?  No way.  We took the path less traveled....and what a journey it has been

Birthday Musings

I spent my birthday in the Pacific NW of the USA, one of the most beautiful parts of this country, IMHO.  I am alone yet not alone....with technology, I stay connected with my global family and friends, whether it's through Facebook or Facetime or Whatsapp or Messenger.  Birthday greetings sent my way from halfway across the country and across the world warms my heart.  :)

These days, it's so easy to feel despondent over the politicking that is happening in DC.  Watching the news and various commentary shows has become like watching a car crash scene....it's awful and yet I can't look away.  This psychologically flawed President and his followers fill me with despair at the policies they want to implement and by their actions of trying to take away safeguards against damaging our environment, and against internet privacy, and making healthcare even more expensive and less affordable to those who can least afford it.  However, I have to hope that the laws and constitution of this great country will hold up against these crazy times and that there are enough honorable politicians left in the Capitol who will fight against these senseless attempts at regressing the USA.  He says Make America Great Again....but his policies, if passed, will make America Less.

Some of his supporters make fun of Liberals, calling them "libtards", or "snowflakes".  Well, if caring for the environment, and human rights and being sensitive to how others feel is part of what defines a liberal, then I proudly call myself one.

The World I Thought I Knew

So where to start?  It's been such a rough year with the US presidential elections.  The unbelievable happened.  The orange thin-skinned narcissistic braggart is now the President of the USA.

Tweeting, the inability to take criticism, the need to be "better", "bigger", the continuing antagonism towards the press, the very poorly executed travel ban, building the wall, repealing the ACA.....all this and it's only Day 12 of his presidency!

Everyday, I see news feeds on Facebook of news articles from various sources mostly criticising his actions (but I suspect my group of Facebook friends are mostly left-leaning).  What shocks me most is that I still see Trump supporters continuing to support his incompetent actions.  Blind faith!  Like he is God!  Sigh.

The people around him are scary fellows - Bannon & Flynn especially, the former reputed to be a white supremacist, the latter a conspiracy theorist - both not terribly reassuring qualities.

I fear for the America that I thought I knew and love.  I hope that lawyers will find something in the constitution and laws strong enough to impeach him.

15 years

I wrote this poem 10 years ago.

It's 15 years now since that ill-fated day.  We aren't that much closer to reducing terrorism. The difference is that it is now more insidious - they could be anyone in the community - any Tom, Dick or Harry who may one day decide that blowing themselves up with as many innocent victims as possible for their cause.  And it's not confined to the USA.

What is the world coming to?  Radical terrorist, foul-mouthed, hate spewing world leaders.

I worry for the generations to come

Guns

It has been a heartbreaking week for the USA, my second home.  Shootings in Orlando, Dallas, Baton Rouge, just to name a few.  Police officers, African-Americans, Caucasian, homosexuals, heterosexuals, an up & coming pop star were amongst the victims.

This spate of incidents seems to be coming too close together.  In the last few years, we hear about mass shootings in various parts of the US.  And each time it happens, the same rhetoric arises about lack of gun control, mental illness, terrorism.  The same old same old words written about the violence that is becoming more pervasive in America, the land of the free, where the right to bear arms seems to override everything else that makes sense to me.

I will never understand the mentality of those who think that the lawmakers who are trying to introduce common sense gun laws are trying to take away all their guns.

So we will see what happens in the coming weeks, months, years; will vigianteism become more rampant there?  I feel sorry for the law enforcers in those states which allow open carry weapons.  What a nightmare it is, not just for them, but also for regular citizens, who see people walking around with weapons on show, not knowing who has a mental illness or just had a bad day and wants to take it out on somebody with his/her gun.

Perhaps it will take a massive horrific event to take place before eyes are opened and mindsets are changed.

Fragile

Life is fragile.

The past week has been a sorrowful one for a dear friend.  Her daughter's ex-boyfriend took his own life.  He was 25 years old.  They had just broken up.  He was stressed by work.  What was the trigger?  Who knows?  I can't imagine how his parents are feeling.

Last year, the daughter of another dear friend also took her own life.  16 years old.  What drives these young people to such drastic extremes?  Are the stressors so insurmountable that they felt that suicide was the only way out?  I hear that suicide amongst the young has been on the rise in Singapore.  If true, why?

So so sad.

Sins of the Parents

I think of our retirement years with a heavy heart.  The country I've always considered as home does not seem so friendly after all.  If retiring here means not being able to see our oldest son, then I choose not to stay.

The illogicality of it tears at my heart and soul.  It may seem melodramatic but this has dragged on for so long and has worn me down.  I don't know if I want to keep on fighting them, it seems so futile.  What makes it worse is none of it is of his doing.  It is Us.  We were the ones who made the wrong decisions.

I feel sad that it has come to this.  A heart-wrenching decision.  A grandson unable to see his grandparents in their twilight years.  But it is what it is and we'll just have to live with it.