Birthday Musings

I spent my birthday in the Pacific NW of the USA, one of the most beautiful parts of this country, IMHO.  I am alone yet not alone....with technology, I stay connected with my global family and friends, whether it's through Facebook or Facetime or Whatsapp or Messenger.  Birthday greetings sent my way from halfway across the country and across the world warms my heart.  :)

These days, it's so easy to feel despondent over the politicking that is happening in DC.  Watching the news and various commentary shows has become like watching a car crash scene....it's awful and yet I can't look away.  This psychologically flawed President and his followers fill me with despair at the policies they want to implement and by their actions of trying to take away safeguards against damaging our environment, and against internet privacy, and making healthcare even more expensive and less affordable to those who can least afford it.  However, I have to hope that the laws and constitution of this great country will hold up against these crazy times and that there are enough honorable politicians left in the Capitol who will fight against these senseless attempts at regressing the USA.  He says Make America Great Again....but his policies, if passed, will make America Less.

Some of his supporters make fun of Liberals, calling them "libtards", or "snowflakes".  Well, if caring for the environment, and human rights and being sensitive to how others feel is part of what defines a liberal, then I proudly call myself one.

The World I Thought I Knew

So where to start?  It's been such a rough year with the US presidential elections.  The unbelievable happened.  The orange thin-skinned narcissistic braggart is now the President of the USA.

Tweeting, the inability to take criticism, the need to be "better", "bigger", the continuing antagonism towards the press, the very poorly executed travel ban, building the wall, repealing the ACA.....all this and it's only Day 12 of his presidency!

Everyday, I see news feeds on Facebook of news articles from various sources mostly criticising his actions (but I suspect my group of Facebook friends are mostly left-leaning).  What shocks me most is that I still see Trump supporters continuing to support his incompetent actions.  Blind faith!  Like he is God!  Sigh.

The people around him are scary fellows - Bannon & Flynn especially, the former reputed to be a white supremacist, the latter a conspiracy theorist - both not terribly reassuring qualities.

I fear for the America that I thought I knew and love.  I hope that lawyers will find something in the constitution and laws strong enough to impeach him.

15 years

I wrote this poem 10 years ago.

It's 15 years now since that ill-fated day.  We aren't that much closer to reducing terrorism. The difference is that it is now more insidious - they could be anyone in the community - any Tom, Dick or Harry who may one day decide that blowing themselves up with as many innocent victims as possible for their cause.  And it's not confined to the USA.

What is the world coming to?  Radical terrorist, foul-mouthed, hate spewing world leaders.

I worry for the generations to come

Guns

It has been a heartbreaking week for the USA, my second home.  Shootings in Orlando, Dallas, Baton Rouge, just to name a few.  Police officers, African-Americans, Caucasian, homosexuals, heterosexuals, an up & coming pop star were amongst the victims.

This spate of incidents seems to be coming too close together.  In the last few years, we hear about mass shootings in various parts of the US.  And each time it happens, the same rhetoric arises about lack of gun control, mental illness, terrorism.  The same old same old words written about the violence that is becoming more pervasive in America, the land of the free, where the right to bear arms seems to override everything else that makes sense to me.

I will never understand the mentality of those who think that the lawmakers who are trying to introduce common sense gun laws are trying to take away all their guns.

So we will see what happens in the coming weeks, months, years; will vigianteism become more rampant there?  I feel sorry for the law enforcers in those states which allow open carry weapons.  What a nightmare it is, not just for them, but also for regular citizens, who see people walking around with weapons on show, not knowing who has a mental illness or just had a bad day and wants to take it out on somebody with his/her gun.

Perhaps it will take a massive horrific event to take place before eyes are opened and mindsets are changed.

Fragile

Life is fragile.

The past week has been a sorrowful one for a dear friend.  Her daughter's ex-boyfriend took his own life.  He was 25 years old.  They had just broken up.  He was stressed by work.  What was the trigger?  Who knows?  I can't imagine how his parents are feeling.

Last year, the daughter of another dear friend also took her own life.  16 years old.  What drives these young people to such drastic extremes?  Are the stressors so insurmountable that they felt that suicide was the only way out?  I hear that suicide amongst the young has been on the rise in Singapore.  If true, why?

So so sad.

Transitioning. Again.

W leaves Boston tomorrow for a new life in California.  He graduated last year and now begins a new phase of life where he will (hopefully) find a job at least temporarily, while deciding whether he wants to go on to law school or not.  I am optimistic that he will do well.

For us, this year is a year of moves.  Moving/selling our Boston condo, moving out of our rental in Singapore, moving into a larger place in Macau....and hopefully finding a permanent home somewhere in the Pacific Northwest of the USA.  I have been longing for permanence for a while now.  At the ripe old age of 52, I long to finally put down some roots.  My tired soul has had enough of uprooting over the last 2 decades or so.

Sins of the Parents

I think of our retirement years with a heavy heart.  The country I've always considered as home does not seem so friendly after all.  If retiring here means not being able to see our oldest son, then I choose not to stay.

The illogicality of it tears at my heart and soul.  It may seem melodramatic but this has dragged on for so long and has worn me down.  I don't know if I want to keep on fighting them, it seems so futile.  What makes it worse is none of it is of his doing.  It is Us.  We were the ones who made the wrong decisions.

I feel sad that it has come to this.  A heart-wrenching decision.  A grandson unable to see his grandparents in their twilight years.  But it is what it is and we'll just have to live with it.

Gun Violence in America

I have discussed/argued/talked about, hashed & rehashed this issue of gun violence in the USA with friends both American & non-American.   Gun violence IS a problem there.   No one can argue over this.  But when I listen to comments & views coming from gun rights supporters, I can’t help but feel astounded by how narrow-minded & skewed their viewpoints are.  I find lists easier to absorb than pure prose so here goes…,

1) “Guns do not kill people; people kill people”.  Somehow, the fact that it’s so much easier for people WITH GUNS to kill people than for people WITHOUT guns seems to have flown over their heads.  Terrorist attack in London by a guy with a knife – ZERO persons killed; 3 persons injured.  Terrorist attack in San Bernadino by two people with rifles & guns – 14 persons killed; 20 persons injured.  Do the Math.

2) “The government just wants to take guns away from us”.  Usually, “the government” here refers to the Democrats.  This is reflective of how divisive it has become in the USA: liberals vs conservatives.  It is hard for me to fathom the paranoia amongst the conservatives that the government wants to take away guns from everyone.    It is sad for me to see all the “shouting” that takes place on the internet between these two groups, instead of coming together to try to find answers. 

3) “We need to arm more people”.  I have come to realize that basically, the NRA & many of the gun rights supporters would prefer everyone to go into a gun battle in the name of self-defense than to avoid the gun battle in the first place by preventing guns from getting into the wrong hands.  I shudder to think of the scenario in which armed innocents go against armed perpetrators – imagine the carnage.  Even experienced law enforcement officers have said that even with training, when you are plunged into a life and death situation, much of what was learnt before doesn’t really work as expected.  Check out this video  

4) “Mental Health is what we should focus on instead”.  Of course we have to address this big problem.  But the fact is that mental health problems are not unique to the USA.  It is a problem worldwide.  And yet, only in the US do you see how mentally ill persons are able to get hold of guns and cause carnage in schools, movie theaters, churches, medical centers…. 

5) “There are already laws in place that require background checks when buying guns”   My response to this is: obviously, they aren’t working. Isn’t it time to sit down & relook at WHY people who should not have guns are STILL able to get guns?  Even as I write this, a bill which would make background checks on gun sales at gun shows & online a requirement has been overturned. 

6) ”We have the constitutional right to bear arms”  This view is probably the one which I find the most difficult to come to terms with.  The constitution was written over 200 years ago, in circumstances entirely & vastly different from current times.  I cannot understand the reluctance of many to accept that change may be necessary for the good of society.  The right to bear arms should not be all-encompassing.  There are some in society who do not/should not have the right to bear arms: the mentally incapacitated, the suicidal, the potential terrorist, the under aged, the intoxicated, the criminals, period. 

I know that this short essay will not make a difference to die-hard gun advocates.  I DO NOT consider myself anti-gun.  I consider myself pro-gun control.  Much like how pro-choice does not equate to anti-life, I believe that there are alternatives out there.  But it WILL involve compromise, as in most things in life.  As it stands, when I see what is being said and discussed on social media & on the internet,  I am not confident at all that the gun rights supporters will be willing to compromise.  It would be wonderful if I am proven wrong.

World War

This past week has been rough, to say the least.  I have felt sadness, anger, horror, disgust, disillusionment, indignation, disappointment.  It almost seems like the world is slowly heading a war.  A World War 3 perhaps, that is different from the first two which were fought mostly within geographical boundaries.  This new war we are seeing is reflective of the world of today, where globalization has meant greater connectivity via telecommunications, the internet & airplane travel;  the advantages of this connectivity has also meant that the evil-doers can also use it for their purposes of terrorizing the innocent under the guise of religious teachings.

It looks like Europe is bracing itself for an onslaught, currently with France, Belgium & Germany being affected.  But I am pretty sure that other countries will need to be prepared as well.  We have already seen terror strike Mali, the Phillipines & of course the Middle East.

I hope I am wrong, but I am not optimistic.

Relativity

Haze!
PSI 314!
Wear your N95 masks!

This has been the repeated, resounding points of discussion this past week, as our friendly neighbor embarks on their yearly bonfire event, blowing their smoke in Singapore's direction.

Granted it's not pleasant to go outside into the smoky smelling hazy air.

But having lived in Beijing for over 5 years, where air quality of 200 was considered a "good" day, I am not complaining.

Another Milestone

So, W graduated last weekend.  Maybe that's one reason for my melancholy...  Another milestone, this one marking our baby's step towards independence.  

So much of my life has been focused on being a mother to our two boys.   And now, it seems like that part of my identify has taken a sudden turn.  That big part of me, has now diminished, so that I have to look inside myself to find myself again, re-discover who I am, what I am, what I should do in this next phase of my life.

A & I would like to finally find a permanent home for our retiring years, even if we don't spend all our time there.   I, for one, am tired of being a nomad.  The experiences have been wonderful, these last 25 years (that's half my life!).  But I want to finally put some roots down somewhere, a place where we can gather for family reunions, and where I can hang up pictures without worrying about having to patch up hanger holes when we leave, and where I can say,  "I live in xxx" without suffixing it with "for now".

Adieu

Rest quiet, sir, ‘tis well deserved

We’ll carry on, don’t fret

Rest quiet, sir, ‘tis well deserved

We’ll carry on, and not  forget

Rest quiet, sir, you’ve earned it well

From deep within we thank you

Rest quiet, sir, you’ve earned it well

The Lion City bids you a sad “adieu”

Final Farewell

The mood was subdued as the crowd waited outside the Istana.  Mr Lee Kuan Yew would be leaving the Istana for the very last time, making his final journey to the Parliament House.  It was mostly silent with the occasional murmurings amongst those who came with companions.

As the cortege exited the gates of the Istana, the crowd broke into applause & shouts of "Lee Kuan Yew!", "Grandfather of Singapore!", "Thank you Mr Lee!"

I couldn't help but cry a silent tear & wished this great statesman a final farewell.

Rest well, dear Sir....you've earned it.

Rest In Peace Lee Kuan Yew

A great man passed on today.  Many Singaporeans consider him the reason for Singapore's success.  There are some who may call him a dictator.

But for me, he will always remain an icon of Singapore, a respected statesman, a beloved family man.  I am watching now, as his son, the current Prime Minister of Singapore makes the announcement on national television.  He is visibly sorrowful, his voice occasionally breaking.

To his family, my deepest condolences.

Rest In Peace, Lee Kuan Yew.

"I have no regrets.  I have spent my life, so much of it, building up this country.  There's nothing more that I need to do.  At the end of the day, what have I got?  A successful Singapore.  What have I give up?  My life."   ~Lee Kuan Yew~

Roots

So, we've moved yet again, this time "back" to Singapore.  We get asked "for how long?" or "for good?" all the time, and my answer is "for now".

It's a full circle moment except that Singapore doesn't seem like home in the true sense of the word.  It's familiar yet not, it's home yet not.

Tremendous changes have transformed the Singapore that I grew up with into a modern, sanitized, crowded city.  Old landmarks are gone, many of the old buildings have been demolished to give way to new ones, new facades have given old buildings face lifts that have rendered them unrecognizable from what I had known.

Previously familiar roadways have now been diverted by construction, with new MRT lines being built left, right and center.

Even the old house where I spent most of my formative years has been "renovated" into an unrecognizable modern looking building.

I long for the day when I can put down roots again, in a place that I can call my forever home.

Another Milestone

We head to the Mid-West this weekend to attend Z's graduation from college.  He will officially be an engineer and was fortunate enough to get a full-time job starting January.

This marks the "end" of our responsibility.  No more tuition bills to pay (for Z), no more pocket money.  He will truly have left the nest.

Although for me, as a mother, my babies will never truly leave.

Role Reversal

I tell W that I may go back to clinical work part-time when we move to Singapore next year.

He says "why?" alarmedly.

I say "well, if the pay is good, it's one way of making some pocket money".

He says "but why do it if it's only going to make you miserable?"

I say "it's just a thought right now.  what I may do instead is to give quilting classes."

He says "yes!  that way, you would actually enjoy doing it."

Wise words from my young 'un.

Where is Home

Z graduates this December.  He needs to submit information for his commencement ceremony including "Hometown".  W asked us the same question too, a couple of months ago, as he may be on track to graduate a year earlier than expected.

"What should I say for Hometown?" they ask.

I say, "I don't know".

"Planet Earth would be good," Z replies.

Indeed, it would.

I ask myself this question too, sometimes.

Traveled Out

I am tired of flying.  I hate flying in the first place, and it doesn't help flying coach either.  I think that's the worst part of being an international family....all that flying around just to get to where your loved ones are.

Sometimes, I wish everyone was in the same country town and just a short car ride away.

More flying to come before the years is over.....don't get me wrong, I love the destination, just not the (plane) journey.

Sigh.

Post Holiday Blues

We are a bunch of ladies coming from varied and diverse backgrounds.  We met in Beijing, trailing spouses who volunteered with the parent organization at our children's school.  Through the common experience of being a stranger in a strange land, our friendship was forged in the latter half of our lives.  It doesn't matter that we've known each other only a handful of years.  It was enough to form life-long relationships.

They say true friends pick up where they left off no matter how long apart they've stayed.  How true, how true!  We spent a few days in the bucolic paradise of Bali....eating, shopping, talking, laughing, playing, drinking.

And all too soon, we have to separate again to our respective countries.  But plans of our next trip have started to germinate already.....and I look forward to that, wherever/whenever it may be!