Moving On

I read this article about Friendship today and it struck a chord in me.  I have been feeling like I've been drifting away from old friends in the past few years, friends whom I have known for most of my life, since primary school.  I had thought that we would be BFFs forever, no matter what, no matter where.  But in the last few years, every time I tried to re-connect when I was back in town (in my home country), they couldn't find the time to do so due to either family or work commitments.  Each time, I admit that I would feel slightly resentful, thinking that if it was me, I would make the time since such get-togethers were so hard to come by, given the fact that I don't live there anymore.

Recently, after my last attempt at organizing another get-together, I finally accepted that they (& I) have changed).  Our priorities are no longer the same.   Our attitudes towards life are different.  "C'est la vie"  is now my motto.  They will always remain my friends & we will always have great memories of times shared, both good & bad.  I will not try so hard to grasp at what I think remain the same, because they are not the same anymore.  We are different people now, shaped by different life experiences.  If they reach out to me, I will gratefully & warmly reach back out to them.

But for now, I will stay connected to those who still want to stay connected, no matter how short a time I have known them.

Root Causes

Several years ago, before I left the work force, I learnt about Root Cause Analysis.  I learnt about its use specifically in health care & adverse events & medical errors, and how, by doing this analysis, we can recommend system-wide changes & improvements to minimize risk of adverse events.

A couple of days ago, there were riots in Singapore, my home country.  I never thought I would use the words "riot" & "Singapore" in the same sentence in my lifetime.  These riots were triggered by the death of an Indian national as a result of a road traffic accident in Little India, on a Sunday which is the day off for the thousands of foreign workers who work in Singapore.

Much is being said on the social media about why it happened & what should be done & along with it, the trolls & racists & xenophobics are all at it too, denouncing specific racial groups.   Sad, really.  This is not the Singapore I grew up in.  We were told in school that we were a multiracial, multicultural country.  It is even in our pledge -  "...regardless of race, language or religion..."

It was drilled into us that we should be tolerant of each other, color blind, respectful of our differences.  But in recent years, I have noted with sadness that there are signs of racism and xenophobia becoming more & more apparent.  Perhaps in the past, this was hidden, but with social media, it becomes more obvious.  In any case, it's sad.

With these riots, I am hoping that the government & Singapore society will wake up & see that making money is not all that counts.  Do a root cause analysis of why this happened.  I would not be surprised if they found that some of the issues faced by these foreign workers were part of the fuel that resulted in the riots.  

We have to learn to be human again.  Respect each other as humans.  Treat each other right, no matter if you're a top level executive, politician, blue collar worker.  

Missing

Seeing all the pictures on Facebook of families spending Thanksgiving with their loved ones makes me miss our boys even more.  Sometimes, I wish we were a bit more "normal" in the sense of being able to celebrate special occasions as a family under the same roof.

I am counting down the days till they are both here in Hong Kong for the winter break.

Flying Solo

A. has been away this past week, visiting his mother whose apartment needed some work done.  So I have been living the single life, which is actually more boring than it sounds.  Working out, quilting, watching internet TV, reading, pretty much sums up my days.

And it has been nice.  Simple meals, sometimes a salad, sometimes a sandwich & sometimes, when I feel bad, a bowl of instant noodles.

But I'm ready for A. to come back.
Which he is.
Tonight.

Alien

I read this article someone posted on Facebook today.  Very true words.

I've lived away from the country where I grew up in for just about a third of my life.  I count the number of times I have moved in my married life (10 excluding the temporary housing we've lived in while waiting for our "permanent" homes to be ready for us to move into).

I've embraced this experience.  But some of the sentiments expressed in this article about missing out on stuff ring so true.  I've missed birthdays, weddings, anniversaries.  I've missed my extended family and hanging out with friends.  I've also grown apart from friends whom I previously thought were my "besties" but the years apart & the worldly experiences I've had has resulted in us growing apart, not just in distance but also in our attitudes towards various social issues.  I think I've become liberalized by my exposure to so many different cultures & ethnicities and can't help but feel appalled at some of the attitudes that exist in my home country.

I believe that third culture kids (& third culture adults like me) become more tolerant of differences.  The xenophobia & racism that I increasingly see at "home" alarms me.  It doesn't feel like home anymore.  It's not the same as what I remember it to be.

The saying goes: "Home is Where the Heart is".  It certainly is...and not necessarily located in any particular physical location.

How Doctors Die

I read this article some time ago.  It talks about a topic that many are uncomfortable to delve on.  It came to mind because a close relative of mine, who has been suffering from a chronic form of leukemia for the last several years, just found out that his condition is probably turning acute (not a good thing, where leukemia is concerned).  He is also a medical doctor and knows what this means with regards to possible scenarios.

We talked about what his options are now.  He has to live a day at a time, continuing with chemotherapy for a while longer, for what it's worth.  He is putting his things in order so as to make it "easier" for his loved ones (is it ever easy?) when he finally passes on.  There are three physicians in our family (including himself).  He has spoken about euthanasia (when the time comes) with his brother (the other physician), with me & with his own oncologist, knowing full well that the laws of the countries we live in prohibit it.   It is not an option, he knows, though he jokingly asks me to give him an overdose of propofol when he starts going downhill.  I laugh in response while trying to keep tears from rolling down my face (we are on the phone).

He knows what he is in for once the acute phase kicks in.  Fulminating infections, organ failures etc.  He doesn't want to suffer through all that.  The only option left at that point would be an induced coma until he finally passes on with dignity.

You've Got Mail

We asked W to put a letter in the mailbox as we were strolling down the street to a restaurant for lunch in Boston this summer.  He looked at me and asked in all seriousness, " What does it look like?"  I wasn't surprised that he didn't know.  Not only is he a TCK, and had not lived in the US for a long time but in this day & age, how often do we even mail letters the old-fashioned way, especially the younger generation?

I had always enjoyed receiving & writing letters from young.  Letters to my grandparents, postcards from abroad, pen pals....every time the postman came, I would eagerly look for mail for me.  It was our way of keeping connected across long distances.

Over the last 20 years, my letter writing has dwindled to close to Zero as we now use email/text/Facebook/Skype/Whatsapp to keep in touch.  But somehow, I feel that even though we are so connected, we are more disconnected from each other than before.

Country Living

I've been spending time with my parents in their new home, across the Straits of Johor.  It's a spanking new development located on the Eastern coast of Johor in Malaysia so close to Singapore that you can actually see the country from the waterfront boardwalk which is part of the community.  Marshland forms a part of the landscape of this ambitious development.  Hard to believe that swampland can be beautiful, but it actually is....

Today I just saw a sea otter swimming along the coastline then scamper onto shore & into the mangrove swamp.  A monitor lizard almost came into the house as it chased its prey (the largest gecko I've ever seen!!!), which did come in, scaring me to bits (I have herpetophobia - thanks Google!).  To be honest, I can do without the latter kind of wildlife!

The town nearby reminds me of the city I was born in...especially the shop houses with hawker stalls selling delicious local foods!  The difference between Johor Baru & Singapore is quite astounding, really, given the fact that only a narrow strip of water separates the two.  It's hard to find the rustic feel of country living in the rather artificial environment that is Singapore.

Yesterday, my folks brought me to eat seafood at a restaurant located on Orang Asli land on the waterfront.  Certainly not a five star restaurant.  It is located on stilts above the water, with a rather rickety bridge that leads to it from the "mainland".  Planks of dubious strength make up the bridge, but the food! the food!  Fresh crabs & fish & prawns & clams!  From the restaurant, one can see the farming areas where the seafood is cultivated by the Orang Asli.  The restaurant is run by ethnically Chinese Malaysians.  This symbiotic relationship between the two groups makes good business sense, as evidenced by the healthy crowd of customers present in the restaurant even at the odd hour of 3 pm.

Seafood is farmed by the Orang Asli (above)

Orang Asli homes on stilts by the water

A Quarter Century

We last reunited 5 years ago.  My classmates from Medical School got together again a couple of nights ago to celebrate our 25th year post-graduation.

It was a good turn out: about 2/3 of the class showed up.  I think I did pretty well in recognizing people... better than 5 years ago anyway!  We've become older/greyer/fatter/slimmer/aesthetically enhanced/more wrinkled.  But when I say hello and chat, I see the same people I went to school with.  Personalities remain the same despite the additional prefixes and suffixes in their names.

Two have passed on, reminding us to seize the day.   We saw a slideshow comprising of old photos from our days as students, and photos of us now, with our families; so happy to see the smiling faces of my peers and their loved ones.

Our class may not have been the most distinguished nor the most intellectual, and it certainly has had its share of oddballs, and infamy.  But we are certainly an interesting lot.

Here's to 25 more years!

Writing

It used to be that in the diaries of my teenage self, I would write about my life daily.  No matter how seemingly mundane, I would faithfully jot it down in my journal.  Most of the time it was about the TV shows or movies that I had watched or outings I had gone on.  Embarrassingly it was also full of gushing descriptions about my current heart throbs at the time.

My recent writing has drifted from that about daily life, to that about issues I have been passionate about.  I recently read a blog post by a favorite performer of mine here.  This entry is very matter of fact but has inspired me to write more about the happenings surrounding my life.  I read my 30+ year old writings & it brings back memories of my younger self.  I want to be able to write down my musings & impressions of my current self, so that if I'm fortunate enough to be still around in 30 years time, (& provided that I still possess my faculties) it will be something I can read and look back upon....hopefully fondly.

Home

We've recently become property owners again, having bought a condo in Beantown.  W attends college there & with the high rentals we figured we would use the opportunity to invest in something Stateside before the property prices take off.  As it was, the market was already in a frenzy in many of the larger cities in the US with bidding wars & property selling for higher than asking prices.

Anyway, we looked, we found & we did.  We finally have a Home.  It's strange how owning something we can call our own makes me feel good.  We have been "homeless" for several years now, having sold our previous property in Singapore when we decided that we would probably not go back there again.  And here in HK, with the property prices one of the highest in the world, it is impossible to even dream of owning even a small apartment (not that I would want to make this our permanent home anyway).

Both our boys are happy that there is, at least, somewhere, they can call Home.  Small as it is, it's a place we can direct our mail to without having to impose on the convenience of a relative.   It's somewhere where, when filling out forms, I can write down a permanent address and home phone number without thinking twice.

It feels good.

Looking back

I am looking through the pictures of my medical school classmates in our old university directory, preparing a slideshow that will be screened during our coming 25th year reunion (!!!), and I wonder at some of these familiar faces - some are/have been heads of departments in hospitals, most have families, many are GP's with established practices in Singapore.

I remember some of them as awkward teens, having attended the same junior colleges as several of them.  They were uncomfortable with the opposite sex, umm-ing & aw-ing when trying to have a conversation.

I remember some as the "bad boys" of the class, smoking, having "adventurous exploits" with the opposite gender.

I wonder what they are like now, as I have lost touch with most of them over the years.  It's hard to picture them as Heads of Departments or Senior Consultants or to address them as Prof.  In my mind, they are the same old classmates whose photographs look back at me from the directory.

A couple have passed on & when I see those old pictures of them in the prime of their lives, I wonder what the me of today would say to the them of yesterday if I could speak to them.   Would I tell them to enjoy life to the fullest & appreciate their loved ones while they can?

A few have gotten into trouble with the law & with the medical council.  What would I tell the young them?

What I DO know is that for me, there have been no regrets.  And I couldn't have asked for a better life.

:)

Venting

Let me begin by first saying that I love the USA.  I consider it my second home (where my first home is, I don't know!).

However, I think some of the policies & laws are made by some of the least intelligent & close-minded people in the world.  And one reason has to a bit do with the litigiousness of its society.  Look at the infamous McDonald's coffee cup  lawsuit, for heaven's sake.   Because of that, disposable coffee cups in the USA have warnings that the contents are hot.  Duh.  Knee jerk reactions to the extreme is what I call it.  These policies cater to the lowest common denominator.  To me, much of it is illogical & a waste of precious resources.

And don't get me started on TSA.  After 9/11, some of its policies border on ludicrous.  I know terrorism is out there & one has to be careful, blah blah blah.  But anyone who has to go through airport security in the USA knows what I am talking about.  Restrictions on what can be carried on, or checked in; removing shoes & belts & bracelets (I saw with my own eyes how an Indian lady with two young kids in tow was made to remove all her bracelets before going through the metal detector...like she was going to have explosives implanted into her bracelets???  Gimme a break).  Questions from the immigration officers to legitimate visitors & legal residents sometimes border on the intrusive & oftentimes makes one feel like a criminal instead of someone who is making a visit home.  As I said - knee jerk reactions to the extreme.  I bet that now, because of the Boston bombing, students going back to the US for studies will face an additional barrage of questions from the TSA officers when they go through the immigration counters.

And now the recent whistleblower case in which it was revealed that the US government has been secretly accessing internet data of private citizens shows the extent to which this "fight against terror" has reached.  If I wanted my privacy to be invaded, I would have stayed in Singapore (*GRIN*).

It is sad that it as come to this.  They need someone with common sense & can see the bigger picture to revise the laws & policies.  Perhaps someone with an international background (maybe a third culture person?)  Maybe that way, the US can become the great nation that it once was.

Impressions from China - Back in the Jing

Today marks the one year anniversary of my arrival in Hong Kong from Beijing.  I was back in Beijing last week, visiting old friends & attending graduation of some of their kids.  It was bittersweet to be back. As I've said before, the worse part of this lifestyle is leaving behind good friends.

Much was the same, and yet different.  The pollution was still there, although I was lucky enough to have a couple of blue sky days.  The traffic was the same (i.e. horrendous).  The village which used to sit next to the boys' school is gone - demolished to make way for even more residential complexes, to be sold at probably exorbitant prices.

I was glad that my spoken Mandarin did not deteriorate too much, and I was still able to communicate with the locals competently.

One thing which I definitely miss are the reasonably priced TCM massages. Needless to say, I made sure that I got my fill while there!

Fighting Fit (in actuality, Fighting to be Fit)

I'm sweating like a hog, and huffin' & puffin' like the Big Bad Wolf in The Three Little Pigs, and I ask why am I putting myself through this torture.

'This' refers to the training sessions which I have signed up for just over 4 months ago.  This was triggered by a blood test that revealed an escalating cholesterol level, & a borderline glucose intolerance compared to a year ago.  Whether it's due to peri-menopause hormonal changes or indiscriminate eating last year because of the farewells & travelling & moving, bottom line was, that I needed to do something about it.

So here I am, four months later - two training sessions a week, during which my trainer puts me through a circuit of fitness training, strength training, kick-boxing (yes, kick-boxing); and an additional two days a week during which I either swim or ride the stationary bike.  I've lost about 3 kg, quite a bit of body fat, & have put on muscle mass.  My fitness level has improved, & my pants are noticeably looser, & certain parts of my body are also noticeably leaner.

I told my trainer that one of my goals (apart from improving my blood work) is to improve my fitness & strength so that I can fulfill one of the items on my bucket list: to go on a horse trekking trip.  It's a dream of mine that I can do this one day in the not too distant future, before age takes its toll.  I already feel the effects of the various sporting activities of my youth.  The knees, the ankles, the back, and even my feet have aches & pains that are aggravated by certain movements & actions.

I am hopeful that I can achieve this goal of mine.  I give myself another 3 to 4 months.

And yeah, hopefully my blood work will have improved by then too.

Why

The events occurring in the past week in Boston have been gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, & mind-blowing.  When they finally caught suspect #2 (suspect #1,his older brother, having been killed) & he turned out to be only 19 years old, the only question that came to my mind was "Why?"

He is the same age as W, and two years younger than Z.  Somewhere out there, his mother is probably asking herself the same question & going through unimaginable heart break over why her two sons would do something so reprehensible.  There is plenty of speculation that they were "radicalized", a new term that I have learnt in the past few days.  I assume that this means that they were caught up by extreme religious beliefs, which led them to the horrific act this past Monday, which claimed three lives so far & maimed so many others.  I know that religion is a powerful thing.  When used for evil, even the mildest mannered & apparently sane person can be made to perform the vilest of deeds.

I mourn for the loss of lives in Boston, & the suffering that the victims are going through.  But I also mourn for the loss of innocence of suspect #2 & the ordeal that his family is & will be going through in having to deal with what he has done.  He will have to face the jury for what he has done, no doubt about it.  But the mother in me can't help but wonder how & why this happened.

It's just so sad.

End Game

One word:

RELIEF.

Terror

Explosions halfway across the world reverberate all the way here.

W is safe, thank God.  But the bombs went off down the street from where he would have been having classes if it had not been a holiday.

Who knows who or why this happened.  The world as I know it is not a safe place anymore.  Anywhere, anytime, anything can happen that can change your life & take away all that you hold dear.

Stay safe, my friends.  Give your kids an extra hug & hold them close if you can.  My heart & prayers go out to all the victims of another senseless event.

In Retrospect

After reading this article, I look back at my decision to stop practicing clinical medicine & realize that I was, indeed, suffering from burnout.  Someone did ask me, at the time, if this was the reason for my decision, and, at the time, I said No.  Perhaps it was denial.

In any case, when I examine my life over the last several years, I know now that it was the right decision.  

Weather Woes

This must be the most miserable weather I've experienced in a long while.  Day after day after day.

Grey, rainy, cloudy, dank...it's enough to make a girl S.A.D.

Modesty

I notice that the HK ladies are not bashful at all about nudity.  When I am in the ladies'  locker room of the health club I belong to, it is a common sight to see them walking around in all their glory, not shy at all about showing their assets to fellow females.

Me?  I'll stick to the curtained changing rooms, thank you very much.

Forever Young

So, I bring my dad to see a medical school classmate of mine for a skin condition.

After the consult, my dad looks at the receipt with my classmate's name stamp & designations on it, and impressed, says: "Wow, he's so young & already a Professor!"

I look at my dad & gently reminds him: " Er...he's my classmate & I will be 50 next year....not that young anymore."

Bless his heart, that I will be, in his eyes, forever young....

Population change

My preamble at dinner tonight with a waitress at a local restaurant (spoken in Mandarin, translated here into English): "Should I speak in English, Cantonese or Mandarin?"

Such is the state of the nation now, with regards to the population mix of its residents.  Most service staff are non-Singaporean, coming from either Malaysia, Philippines  China, India or even Myanmar.  Hence calling up a restaurant in advance to make a booking may mean speaking to a non-English speaker, with the usual alternative being Mandarin.    And there is a good chance that your server is also a non-English speaker.

Yet there is a huge debate over the influx of foreign talent into the Singapore shores.  And at the same time, many restaurants are finding themselves short of staff.

Finding the balance will be tricky.  I only hope that the resentment against foreign "talent" here will not eventually lead to nasty racism/nationalism.

Family

I see pictures of family reunion dinners, families & extended families of friends dressed in their CNY finery posted on Facebook, and a part of me feels a twinge of sadness & nostalgia for the days when we were all living in the same country, when uncles & aunties & cousins, grandmas & grandpas, were still alive and when family get-togethers were not as rare as they have become now.

My family migrated to Singapore when I was in pre-school.  My extended family was/is spread out in different countries - Malaysia, Brunei, Australia, USA, UK, though there was a time spanning a few years scattered through my primary & secondary school days when a significant number was living in Singapore.   Those were the years that I remember fondly - of dinners & holidays & laughter & tears, Christmases, New Years, Birthdays & Anniversaries.

Most of my friends are at least third generation Singaporeans.  Their extended families are mostly in Singapore.  I wonder if they take for granted, these special occasions which celebrate family togetherness.  I sometimes wonder how it would be if our family was such, instead of the international hodgepodge that it is.  I realize that in a way, I was also a third culture kid.  Maybe that's why I am still wondering where home is.

Musings from the Empty Nest 4

Chinese New Year's Eve "Reunion Dinner" :
Me - Fish & Chips
A - Cheese Burger

Chinese New Year's Day brunch - dim sum

The year of the snake started off with a whimper....

Winter Schminter

I miss the cold.  Yes, you heard me, I actually miss the frigid cold of the Beijing winter (not the filthy coal-laden air, though).  There's something comforting about snuggling under layers of downy warm winter clothing & comforters.

To call Winter Winter here in Hong Kong is a bit of a joke.  It feels more like Spring here, with temperatures in the teens, and yesterday, up to 23 C!

Yet, I see many Hong Kong-ers  bundled up in hats & scarfs & gloves & down coats & boots as if they were ready to traipse through the wilds of wintry Siberia.  It's crazy.

Musings from the Empty Nest 4

W returns to college tomorrow after spending his winter break here.  Z left two weeks ago.  It was nice having both "boys" "home".

I asked if he was looking forward to going home to Boston, where his college is.  W says that he doesn't consider Boston home.  And that until he has a family of his own, home is wherever we are...which really touched my heart.  Like this song...




  I guess for third culture kids like ours, home really is where the heart is.

6 degrees of Separation

A good friend in Beijing just told me that she & her husband knows Hugh Jackman's father.

Hugh Jackman.

HUGH JACKMAN!!!

One of my favorite actors!

In this shrinking world of ours, it's funny where life brings us & whom we meet along the way.  They say that we are all connected in six or less degrees of separation.  True or not, all the connections that I have made in life this far have been precious.

Here's to connecting some more....

Getting Fit

So, A & I have signed up with a health club, and sessions with trainers, in an effort to lose weight & get healthy.

Weight loss has been a perpetual struggle for me, especially during the time when I was working full-time, both as a doctor, and as a stay-at-home mother.

No more excuses now that I am an empty nester.  An ulterior motive for me is to try to get in shape for a dream vacation of mine: horse-trekking through the Canadian Rockies.  I don't know when I will get the chance to do so, but hopefully in the near future, before age takes a toll on this physical body & I am unable to even climb on to a horse.

Wish me luck.

Musings from the Empty Nest 3

The thing about being an international  transplanted family with college-going sons is that time spent together as a family under the same roof in the same country is a rare & treasured occasion.

Usually, family reunions happen during "special" occasions like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, Easter etc.  But for us, we take what we can get.  Time spent together is special, no matter which part of the year it is.

License to Kill

I see Facebook posts about gun rights.  I see Facebook posts about gun control.  Most of the time, you are either pro-gun rights or pro-gun control.  There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.  Maybe it's the media that gives a lop-sided picture of what most Americans want insofar as the gun situation in the US is concerned.   Maybe most of them DO want a middle ground that would make it safer for the innocents.

In my eyes, I see the history of America playing a huge part in why guns are so prevalent & so close to the hearts of so many Americans.  At the same time, I also wonder at why so much emphasis is placed on keeping true to the Second Amendment which was written over two centuries ago.  Indeed, it seems like many Americans still wish to live like they did back in the Wild Wild West, when everyone carried a gun.

I write from the viewpoint of someone growing up in a country where guns are only carried by police officers or soldiers, and where gunshot injuries or deaths are rare incidents (so rare that I think it is safe to say that the majority of doctors who have trained & practiced there have never seen nor treated a gun shot injury, accidental or otherwise).

I cannot understand this love affair with these deadly weapons.  I cannot understand why people hunt.  I cannot understand why gun lovers refuse to see that there HAS to be better gun control to keep these weapons of mass destruction out of the hands of lunatics.  

Sadly, the gun culture in the USA is so deeply entrenched, and criminals probably possess arsenals of these weapons illegally, that it would be impossible to outright ban guns altogether.  I hate reading the proposals from the gun rights people to allow ordinary citizens to carry concealed weapons for protection.  I would feel terrified that someone who may be having a bad day, or suffering from road rage, or suffering from mental illness, could be in possession of such a weapon, and start shooting innocent folks who may be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If gun rights advocates feel so strongly about being able to "bear arms", they should also accept that such arms in the hands of the wrong people can do so much harm.  Much like how doctors go through years of training & certification before they are given the privilege & license to practise medicine (which, like guns, if used wrongly, can kill many in one fell stroke), I don't see why those who want to bear arms should not go through rigorous training & certification to ensure that only those who are fit to do so, are allowed to do so.

Ultimately, we ALL want to keep our children & families safe....don't we?

21

My first born turns 21 today . What a blessing he has been, my teddy bear boy.

On this day, he is legally an independent adult. I wish him well in the years to come...but in my heart, he will always be my baby boy, the first one to open up my heart and eyes to the wonderful crazy world of motherhood

The Spirit of Christmas

This article describes the true spirit of Christmas.

We have been enjoying the company of both our boys this Christmas.  This is so much more than what the families of the victims of the Newtown & Rochester, and many others who have lost dear ones have.

My hope for the new year & for years to come is that they would not have died in vain.  Change HAS to happen.  If not, then we might as well go back to the days of the Wild Wild West.

Winding Down

As the year comes to a close just over a week from now, it is also a time of reflection for me.  I have been relatively silent on this blog because (ironically), it's been such an eventful year.  And if I write at all, my posts have been noticeably short.

From W's graduation from high school, to our relocation from Beijing to Hong Kong, to the actual move, then helping W settle into college, and spending time with the parental units as well as the in-law, and trying to find my way around HK, organizing a big anniversary dinner for my parents here together with hosting my immediate family in our very small apartment... *deep breath*.... just reading the summary of what all these events is enough to make me tired, let along write about it all!

Now that Z is here for the winter break, and W arriving tomorrow, it's time for some family time, a rare occasion indeed when we are all under one roof simultaneously!  We leave for a much-needed & longed for beach vacation in Phuket next week.

The year has gone by in a blur.  Some events which stand out for me (apart from those already mentioned above) were the US elections (which thankfully, Obama won), watching Jason Mraz perform in HK (amazing, as always) and the recent massacre of children & teachers in Newtown, MA (such a sad tragedy).  The latter incident saddens & angers me.  I have blogged about the lack of gun control in the USA before, and sad to say, nothing much has changed since.  I hope that everyone can sit down & have a civilized conversation about this issue & come up with good, practical implementable solutions to this multifactoral problem.  I hope that these children did not die in vain; that they will be remembered, not as victims of a crazed person who had such easy access to deadly weapons, but as the stimuli which pushed for change for the better.

Merry Christmas everyone, and give your child(ren) an extra hug today.

And have a Happy New Year.

Musings from the Empty Nest 2

Smooth transition into empty nest-hood notwithstanding, reuniting with Z & eventually W will still be a wonderful event.  We will go to our first family vacation in a long time, heading to the sunny shores of Phuket, Thailand where we plan to do nothing but bask in the sun, take long walks on the beach, and enjoy Thai food.

Musings from the Empty Nest 1

When I see, or am in the company of, infants/toddlers/pre-schoolers in all their hyperactive glory, all I can say is:

"Thank God I don't have to go through that again."

Amen.

Staying Connected

The wonders of technology...this morning, we watched a live feed of Jason Mraz performing at Madison Square Garden in New York City.  Z in Indiana, W in Boston and me, in Hong Kong.

We were able to chat on Facebook during his concert, commenting on his performance & the music & the background musicians.

I love technology.

:)

Random Observations

Things I've noticed since arriving in Hong Kong:

• at 5' 4", I tower above the average HK adult female (this is most obvious while standing in the MTR)
• the streets of HK are as crowded as the streets of NYC
• the pedestrians on the streets of HK are less orderly than those on the streets of NYC 
• taxi drivers drive like hellions whether it's on a straight stretch of highway or on the winding hilly roads of the Mid Levels
• I hear a lot more Mandarin now compared to a few years ago
• people moan about the air pollution in HK.  But I say you ain't seen pollution till you've seen it in Beijing
• there are a lot of androgynous-looking people here (not a judgement, just an observation)

Election Fever

The final count is happening now.  Despite having lived in the USA for several years, I never quite "got" the election process.  Electoral college, popular votes.... to me, it doesn't quite make sense.  I know the history of how this process came about, but for heaven's sake, we are living in the 21st century now.  I am sure there is a fairer (and more democratic) way of voting.

And partisan politics is just messed up.  You do something because it makes sense, not because it's the Democratic or Republican stance.  Sometimes when I watch some of the campaign speeches and ads, I just want to put on my maternal hat & say, "Now, children, play nice and work together....you'll probably end up achieving better results that way."

Long Distance

Unless you live under a rock, you probably know that "Frankenstorm" has been in the news the last several days, with storm watches going on, up and down the East Coast of the USA.

 A & I have been watching the storm's progress because W is in Boston, living in a basement apartment & with flood warnings, & power outage warnings etc etc, we can't help but worry.

We've been IM-ng & Skype-ing with him regularly for updates & advice on what to stock up on and so on and so forth.  But W says, "Don't worry, I have it under control".

Thing is, the deal with parenting is that the worrying doesn't stop, & I think the degree of worry tends to increase exponentially with the distance between our offspring & ourselves.

Labels

I can safely say that for once in my life, I have time on my hands.  No deadlines, no work to get to, no schedules to follow, no school events to organize.  It has been liberating but at the same time, I feel myself at loose ends, trying to find myself again - no, let me re-phrase that: trying to re-define myself.  It's a bit like adolescence but without the angst & anxiety; having the life experiences & maturity that comes with age tampers down the extremes of emotions that seems to come with raging teenage hormones.

I have been a Daughter, a Student, a Doctor, a Wife, a Mother.  These labels came/come with attending responsibilities & duties.  I am still all that but now, for the first time, I can put Me on top of the list.  

Travel Weary

Seven flights in three months = pedal oedema

Time to listen to my body and take a break from globe trotting.

Crowded

I am in Singapore this week.  It astounds me how much the population has grown.  There are more people, more traffic, more new buildings.  Also, more expensive cars, more expensive homes.

This does not feel like home anymore.  It's just too much.

Heading home

Two more days and A & I head back to the fragrant harbor.  I, for one, am tired of living out of a suitcase.  It's been almost two months since I left HK with W.  We have spent time with my MIL in NYC, my sis in TX, and in motels/hotels in Beantown, running errands, setting up living spaces, etc etc.

I have spent more time abroad than I have in our new "home" in HK.  I have yet to physically and psychologically assimilate myself & I know that I need to do that soon as part of the moving-on process.

HK here I come (again).

Letting Go

So today is the day we leave W in Beantown to start his independent life as a college student.

No tears or histrionics for me, I think.  I have mentally prepared myself for this over the last several months.  Being here to help him set up his apartment and making sure that everything is OK has helped with the transition (both his & mine!)

So here we go....a new phase in my life.

Let's roll.

Transitions 2.0

More than two years ago, we sent Z off to college.  He has done well, made friends, enjoying his courses.

Now, it's W's turn.  We have arrived in Boston, having driven four hours in a fully loaded car from NYC.  Orientation starts this weekend & A & I will leave just over a week from today.

I am not sure if it will be easier or harder this time around. I think I will be fine as long as I don't start thinking too much about the separation.  And as long as my imagination doesn't run away with me.

Da***d difficult to blog using an iPhone hence the radio silence.

More when I am connected again ...

Summertime

It's been a scorcher of a summer so far.  We've been here for about a month: New York City, Boston and now Houston. The heat seems to follow us & I long for the colder weather of winter to come.  

We have been getting things ready for W to move into his apartment when he starts college in a couple of weeks.  It's a tedious process.  Utilities, internet & cable service, furniture & so on & so forth.  I am hoping that W will be self-sufficient when he is on his own, like his older brother.  He tells me repeatedly that he'll be fine.  I can't help worrying.

He is my baby after all.

To 'E' or not to 'E'

I am currently reading this book.

A friend passed it to me before we left Beijing, together with its sequel.

I was initially reluctant to bring it with us to HK given the amount of stuff that we already have & the limited storage capacity of our current abode

And also, I have, for some time now, with the MANY books that we've accumulated over the years, and the lack of shelf space in our bookcase, switched to electronic books in order to appease my never ending love & thirst for reading.  How about libraries, one may ask.  Well, libraries stocking English books in Beijing are not exactly easy to find, let alone bookstores with good stock of English books.  And besides, for me, a book is not just a book, but most of the time, it becomes an old friend that one wants to tuck away with the intention of re-visiting again sometime in the near (or far) future.  

Hence our problem with the overstocked book shelves.

In any case, I am glad that I did keep this book gift as it is an engrossing read (so far).  And there is something about reading a good old made-of-paper book that feels familiar & friendly, like putting on an old comfy sweater.  

Flying Away

In two days, W & I leave for the USA in the first leg of our summer travel which will eventually end up in Boston where W will be starting college.

So this is it then.  The start of our journey as empty nesters.  After settling W in, A & I are planning a short road trip down the northeastern coast of the US, just the two of us.  It'll be just us, once more, a chance for us to rediscover ourselves as a couple, instead of as a nuclear family of four.  Oh, we will miss our boys and they will forever be a part of our family.

But this new beginning will be nice - a fresh start of new opportunities & experiences.

Hey World, here we come!

Mr A-Z

It's been six years since I've watched Jason Mraz perform 'live' on stage,  Tonight A & I watched him perform in HK at the Asia-World Arena, and what a show it was.

His talent has only grown & matured over the last several years.  The show he put on tonight was what I would call a "musician's" show, with a full band including a brass section and strings & keyboards.  Very unlike the one he put on in 2006 with Toca Riviera but just as entertaining.

His repertoire included oldies from his earlier albums including an emotional rendition of You & I Both, and Mr Curiosity.   Of course, he had to include the ever-popular "I'm Yours" (and the crowd went wild when he played the opening intro!), "Remedy", the song that first put him on the charts, and his latest hit "I Won't Give Up".

But my favorite of the night, which almost moved me to tears was "93 Million Miles" as its lyrics touched a chord in my heart as W will be off to college soon, on his first step towards independence from us.

Enjoy....

Downsizing

The fact that we are empty nesters is brought to life quicker by the need to cull our belongings down to what the two of us will need in the immediate future. 

The rest of our belongings will have to be stored away somewhere until we finally find a home to call our own (if ever).

It's hard to compress 22 years of life as a family into a nuclear unit of two.

:(

The Art of Stacking

When moving into a tiny apartment, one needs to learn how to make use of all available space by learning the art of stacking.
Our household belongings arrived in HK this week & it has been a challenge trying to make everything fit into living space that is one third the size of our previous one, despite months of selling & scrapping & giving away our stuff.

One day at a time, one box at a time....

Sticker Shock

After 5 and a half years in China, it's hard for my brain to wrap around the price tags I see on groceries and foodstuff in the supermarkets, and the cost of food on the menus.

Yikes!

Here

So here we are, A & I, finally, in the Fragrant Harbor (aka Hong Kong).  Z has gone back to college for summer courses, and W remains in Beijing till the end of the month so that he can spend more time with his friends before heading here and then to college.

It's a taste of the empty nest for us.  And I have to say that it is nice, this free & easy feeling, just the two of us.  We are waiting for our shipment to arrive from; I will feel more comfortable then, when we have our "stuff" surround us in this tiny apartment which we will call home for now.

Maybe it's still the honeymoon period, and my brain hasn't quite wrapped itself around the notion of both the boys being out of the house.  But I'll enjoy it for now.

...and we're off!

Here we go...

New Beginnings

It's hard to believe that a week from today, I will be in Hong Kong. The movers come tomorrow to pack up our worldly belongings.  Some will go into storage for the time being, the rest going into the miniscule apartment which A & I will call home for now.

I am excited about this new phase in my life.  This will be one of those crazy travel-filled summers, with the family split into three different countries for part of the time.  W prepares to go to college, Z will start on his junior year in engineering school, A & I will adapt to being empty nesters.

I am not sure how I will feel three months from now, when I have to say farewell to W when I leave him in the US to start school, while I head "home" to HK.

Impressions from China - 再见; a finale

Well, it's "zai jian" again soon, in less than 3 weeks.  It's hard to believe that it's been almost five and a half years since this entry, when we said goodbye to Singapore and embarked on our Chinese adventure.

And what an adventure it has been!  Living in China has made me feel more Chinese and feel less Chinese at the same time, if that even makes sense at all.  I've seen first hand the land of my ancestors, and by a quirk of fate, if not for an adventurous forefather, I could very well be still living in the hinterlands of Fujian!  Being here has also made me feel more alien than ever.  Despite being ethnically Chinese, culturally, I have realized that I am a mixture of South-east Asian cum American cum Chinese as far as beliefs and morals are concerned.  Definitely not PRC.

Thank you Beijing for all the friends you have helped me make and the wonderful memories which I will carry with me for the rest of my life.  I will come back and visit one day.

Goodbye China....hello Hong Kong!

The Avengers Movie

It's been a long time since I've been excited over a movie.  Yesterday I watched one that I had been looking forward to for months: "The Avengers".  I must admit that the first thing which drew me to this movie was the "Hunk" factor!  Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Chris Evans as Capt America, Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man...what more could a girl want (although Hugh Jackman as Wolverine would have been the icing on the cake!)

It was action-packed almost from beginning till end.  Joss Whedon, who also directed the Buffy series (one of my all time favorites) directed the movie, and a great job he did too.

A new addition (kind of new, I guess) to the Marvel movie world was Mark Ruffalo who played Dr Banner/The Hulk and he was the one who was surprisingly engaging.  His Dr Banner has a wry sense of humor that Edward Norton's didn't have, and his angst of being burdened with this monster within himself was very convincingly portrayed.  In one scene, and I don't know how he did it, there was even an apparent involuntary  facial tic that one sees occasionally in someone going through extreme emotional upheaval.

Chris Evan's Captain America was rather underwhelming here, compared to the Captain America movie.  I somehow did not get the vibe that he was the leader of the group, and he rather paled in comparison to RDJ's Tony Stark personality or even Thor.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie was a very Buffy-like Girl vs Bad Guys fight with the Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) managing to defeat 3 (or was it 4?) villains while still tied to a chair in the middle of an interrogation!  Joss Whedon's touch could definitely be seen here...

I want to watch the movie again, because with so much happening on screen, I am sure there are bits & pieces here & there which I missed while trying to absorb everything at once.

I hope a sequel is in the making!

intermission

....a combination of sheer busy-ness, laziness & melancholia has prevented me from updating this blog as often as I would have liked/wanted to. Regular broadcasting will resume as soon as possible. Over & out for now...

Finale

Today marks the last day of "real" school for W. He & his classmates go on study leave from tomorrow onwards, as the IB exams start next week. Two years ago, I wrote this post about what was in store for him in his last two years of high school. Tonight, I attended IB Film Premiere Night featuring the final movie projects created by him & his classmates. I was/am a proud parent, and am amazed by the creativity and artistic efforts I saw tonight. W has written songs, and made a movie and written essays ad nauseum as part of his requirement towards the IB certificate in a few courses. He will graduate in just over a month. As I said, I am a proud parent.

Complex

I wish I could skip over June July and August & jump straight in September. All this planning is giving me a headache. Whoever said that Stay-At-Home-Moms do not do real work should be in my shoes for a while. I should get the COO of the Year Award, at this rate.

Lack of Momentum

I know W will go to college this fall. I know we have to start looking at housing options, meal plans, etc etc etc very soon.

With spring cleaning & getting ready to move, it's hard for me to get the momentum up to start the logistical planning for W's transition & leaving the nest.

aliendoc needs a boost.

:(

Profiles in Happiness: Which Physicians Enjoy Life Most?

With our impending move, people have been asking me: "So are you going to go back to work in HK?"

My face value answer has been either "I don't know"; "maybe" or "I haven't thought about it". My inner me answer is a resounding "NO".

Why? Well, I have tried imagining myself going back to work, visualizing the daily grind that I would have to endure in clinical practice. And my visceral reaction to these thoughts & imaginings have been dread, and a sickening shudder in my insides. I would not be happy. I know that with certainty. I have accepted the fact that clinical medicine was not something that I was passionate about. I was not happy in my career as a practicing physician.

So what's next for me? Something that is related to medicine but in the non-clinical areas, perhaps. Or maybe something entirely different? Who knows? I am going to take it one step at a time. Deal with this move, then deal with my "baby" leaving for college, then deal with my own future plans.

I am so glad that A has been supportive in my decisions & all I've done. I feel blessed.

Decisions

We are in the midst of Decision Time, when many colleges start releasing admissions decisions to the hundreds & thousands, if not millions, of high school seniors. It's a time of stress, disappointment, elation, relief for both students and parents and sleepless nights spent worrying about whether one will get in to one's dream college or not.

In the last few years, the number of applicants to colleges in the US (I am not aware of the situation for colleges in other countries although I think the situation is similar) has soared & competition has become increasingly stiffer for students wanting to enter the more "popular" & brand-name colleges. Previously "safety" colleges are no longer as "safe" as before. I suspect a large part of it is due to the increase in the number of applicants coming from international students (read: Chinese students).

W was recently accepted by a university in Florida. This year they received a whopping 28,000 students competing for 2,000 places in the freshman class. That means an admission rate of 7%. SEVEN PER CENT! This kind of number was only previously seen in the elite schools & Ivy Leagues.

This is getting crazier & crazier every year. Thank God we are done with this!

Spring

Spring Cleaning. That's my task next week during Spring break.

That's an understatement for sure. We have to move from a 3,000+ square feet house to a 1,300 sq ft apt. There'll be a lot of trash bags lying by our garbage bin in the coming week.

Have I said that I hate moving?

Feeling the pressure

With two impending life-changing events coming up (moving, and a young 'un leaving for college), coupled with the responsibilities of planning a couple of big events in school, one can't help but feel the pressure building up. I've never been one to feel easily flustered; and I like to think that my medical training + experience in working in the medical field where keeping a cool head in emergent & urgent situations was a plus (and a must in many situations) has helped me handle stress.

But human I am, and sometimes I succumb to the pressure and frustrations that build up. And sometimes, I have to remind myself to lower my expectations when dealing with people; otherwise I will be repeatedly disappointed by those who fail to live up to them.

Time to take a breath, aliendoc...
I think I need a beach holiday...

...and so it begins...

The clearing out, I mean.

Getting rid of stuff.

Sorting out what we need and what we don't.

It actually feels good, this whole process of sifting through one's belongings and getting rid of things which, over the years, have become dust collectors. I have started selling away excess furniture and things we won't need in HK. It's therapeutic. You don't realize how much junk you accumulate over the years, how much "baggage" one keeps holding on to.

Here's to a new beginning...

Hong Kong

Yes it's crowded. But I have to say that after living in Beijing for over 5 years, this is a breeze. At least most of the people (I emphasise - "most") have basic common courtesy, spit a lot less, obey traffic rules and speak at decent decibel levels.

And I can at least read the road signs here to find my way around fairly easily.

:)

Productive

In the last three days, I have
a) found an apartment, our next "home"
b) applied for an ID in HK
c) opened a bank account with A

Nice to be productive.

Fragrant Harbor

It's crazy how small apartments are in this small island city. Put a double bed in one of the bedrooms and you won't have room to move around in let alone fit in a side table.

The hustle & bustle of Hong Kong Island is where we will call "home" next. At least for A & me anyway. We are house-hunting (the word house is used figuratively since one needs to be a multimillionaire in order to afford renting or buying one in the stupendously expensive metropolitan, full of high-rises & skyscrapers). It pains me to know that I will need to figure out what to do with the furniture that we have especially since we will be moving from a house made for four (or more) to an apartment for two.

Counting Down

The time of transition is looming ever closer. I am viewing it with trepidation, not so much because of the change, but because of the change-ing.

out of sync

This I have to say:

Traveling & living through 3 different time zones within a week sure messes with your diurnal rhythm.

Precious times 2

We return to Beijing tonight, after a few days spent with Z.

Sigh.

Precious times

W & I are spending a few days with Z here in the Mid-west. We haven't seen him since last summer. It's just a few days of just hanging out together. Meals, some shopping, just chilling. Seemingly mundane activities but spent together.

We grab these moments where we can, when we can. Such is the life of an international family...

Lasts & Firsts

Last High School concert. Last Spring Fair. Last parent-teacher conference. Last PTA meeting.

Lasts - many of these will be happening soon.

But then so will many Firsts.

I look forward to the changes ahead which are coming up soon. Bring it on!

Unblocked

Here I am in the Land of the Free, with unfettered Internet access.

Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder

Grinch (kinda)

The festive season this year will be rather blue for me - Z in the US, me & A in Singapore & W in Beijing working on the last of his college apps.

First time that we'll be "celebrating" separately.

First time that Z will be spending his birthday away from us.

The house is not decorated (apart from a few Christmas candle votives & a red & green colored table runner). The fake Christmas tree has been sold, knowing that it won't be used this year.

Call me Scrooge or the Grinch....but hey, it is what it is....

But then, if you think about it, everything is just trimmings, right? The true meaning of Christmas is that it celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. So not having a tree or holly & mistletoe, & wreaths on the door really is OK. And presents?

Have a good one, everyone.

Impressions from China - Beautiful Day

Two days ago, I went to the Great Wall at Mutianyu with a friend from medical school who was visiting from the USA. In the almost five years that we've lived here, I've visited this part of the Wall several times; but I have to say that this last time was the most beautiful day I've ever seen it in.

With the Beijing air "at crisis level", in the words of a Beijing official and having to endure moredays of bad air than good, it was a blessing indeed to see the clear blue skies & breathe fresh air.

Temperatures were higher than normal, and I even broke into a sweat because I was wearing a heavy winter jacket which I eventually had to shed!

Here are some pictures...

We climbed all that way!

It's rare to be able to see the Wall on the distant mountain ranges

Look at that sky!

Early Decision

We'll find out in less than two days.

For the sake of my peace of mind, I hope he gets in...

If he does, WE ARE DONE!!!

Impressions from China - Winter

A light snowfall is coming down even as I type this, the first snow of the Winter. This will be our last winter in Beijing.

We are off to a new adventure once W graduates next summer. Except that the "we" will be just A & me. Empty Nesters, we will be. I haven't quite wrapped my brain around that yet.

Where we will be going, our home will probably be a fraction of the size of our current abode. What are we going to do with all our stuff? Things which the boys have and don't want to throw away but yet do not need in college? We don't have a Home. And that bothers me. I'm approaching my 6th decade of life in a couple of years and this rootlessness is bugging me.

Things they are a-changin'

It used to be that 'housekeeping' meant tidying up things around the house, dusting tabletops, organizing things that tend to get strewn around the house, throwing out the trash, sorting out unwanted items to get rid of.

In today's digital age, it also means sorting out & organizing files that tend to clutter up your computer desktop, going through your folders and deleting unwanted documents.

Less physical, but time-consuming, nonetheless.

Growing Up

A friend with a freshman daughter in college recently lamented to me that she couldn't sleep as her daughter had told her that she was going to consult a doctor for birth control advice. She couldn't yet accept the idea of her daughter having sex. I said well, at least her daughter is smart enough to know to take precautions with regards to reproduction. And honest enough to be upfront about it with her mother.

Many parents do not even talk about sex with their kids. Embarrassment? Wishful thinking that their kids will never ever "do" it?

My philosophy is this: Safe Sex. I think that it's fine and dandy to proclaim abstinence as the safest way to go, but in this day & age, with our children inundated left, right and center by the various media, you would be living in a glass bubble if you think that they will not be tempted to experience sex especially in the 18 - 25 year old age group.

Emphasize responsible sexuality. Teach them that the act of sexual intercourse should be treated as something special which one experiences with a person when you are committed to each other. But having said that, we still need to make sure that our offspring are equipped with the knowledge to stay safe IF they do take that step.

Impressions from China - Fraud

This article makes me so mad.

Fraud in China is not uncommon. After all, this is THE country for knock-offs & fake anything-under-the-sun.

But after going through the process of college applications (2nd time around now in progress) and the laborious efforts that are needed to write those essays & fill in those application forms & meet those deadlines, it angers me that so many Chinese students are getting in through unethical ways & means.

I have heard of how some of the local SAT "schools" hothouse the students - it's not about learning vocabulary, but it's about statistics & tactics. Eg. if it's question 58 on the reading test, you have a higher chance of a correct answer if you mark "B" on the answer sheet. It's not as ludicrous as it sounds - the Chinese have the gumption of collecting years & years worth of SAT questions/answers, doing statistical analyses on it then come up with probabilities which are used to "teach" these students.

I hope that the colleges in the US wake up to this aspect of admitting students from China.

College Apps - Countdown

2 down.

5 to go.

Sigh.

Blind

Mothers of boys, I am sure you have had the following exchange of conversation (or something like it) with your sons before:

Son

"MOM!!!  Where is my shirt/jeans/pants/shorts/underwear/socks/cap/jacket?!"

Mom

"In your closet!"

Son

"I looked...it's not there!"

Mom

"Look closer, it's there.  Check in the pile."

Son

"I did, it's not there!"

Mom goes into Son's closet & pulls out missing item. 

"Here it is."

Similar scenario happened today.  Except that the "missing" item was the "Early Decision" button in the Common Apps website.

W

"Mr S said that you did not submit the ED signature.  You need to do it again."

Me

"What???  I did!  I even received an acknowledgment!"

W

"Well, I couldn't find it on the Common Apps today.  It's not there."

Me

"Are you sure?  Did you look properly?"

W

"Yes.  You need to do it again."

By then, I was very intrigued as to how an important link on the website could go missing.

I go on the site, log in and a couple of clicks later, I find it.  Not even buried within a pile of links.  It was RIGHT THERE.  Same as other previously "missing" items.

Sigh.....MEN.

Sad

I'm realizing that W will be leaving our home soon.  I'm sad to think that we may not have holidays together much anymore as a family unit.  I've always looked forward to our beach holidays, just walking on the beach together, looking for sea shells, checking out sea life in the rock pools, lazing in the pool.  Simple pleasures.

Next year when both boys are in college, chances are family holidays will be few & far between.  Excited as I am with the changes to come, I am also melancholic.

Tired

Sigh.

And I am going to sigh again because the topic of this entry makes me tired.

Sigh.

When Z did his college apps two years ago (has it only been two years???), he went through the whole tedious process of filling in his personal information, academic information, test scores etc into the Common apps or online applications forms for the universities of his choice.  Then he had to fill out the supplement applications and write the essay/s for each of the colleges & submit them.  I had to keep track of the deadlines & keep pushing him to complete his essays so that we & his college counselor could review them before he submitted them.  It was a tiresome, tedious & time-consuming task especially since Z DID NOT/DOES NOT enjoy writing essays!

Now it's W's turn & to add an extra layer of complexity to the whole process, because he is applying to study Music, he needs to submit extra applications with the associated essays to the universities' music colleges AND record his music so that it is sent off to them for prescreening, AND THEN, if it passes the prescreening process, he would need to submit a recorded audition or go for a live audition.  AND all these have deadlines!

I feel tired just thinking about it.

I will be happy when Jan 15, 2012 arrives or Dec 15, 2011 when the Early Decision results are released (hopefully he can get in but then it's a tough school to get into).

I am so glad I only have 2 kids to put into college.  I don't think I can survive another round.

Gravity

I notice new wrinkles on my face this week. Time marches relentlessly on and leaves its unmistakable footprints behind.

I have always pooh-poohed aesthetic intervention as something that I would never resort to. But I must admit that now, looking at myself in the mirror, there are fleeting thoughts of "lasers", "dermabrasion" and the like.

They remain just thoughts.

For now, anyway.

Impressions from China - Blue

This is the Beijing sky today. You don't see a lot of this here. It was like this the last couple of days, and hopefully will last a few more days.

I realize how pathetic this post is, with a picture of just the blue sky.

But then, living in Beijing, one learns to appreciate the most seemingly mundane

About Change

I like change, the noun. Change is good. It keeps us on our toes, makes life more interesting, expands our experiences & horizons.

I don't like change, the verb. This is a year of change. New country, new lifestyle, a smaller family unit....all in store for us.

Exciting, no doubt, but the getting there is, well... going to be a challenge.

They say life is about the journey and not just the destination (which is still a big unknown).

But right now, just the thought of all the STUFF we have to get rid of/pack/move is enough to make a girl cry.

10 years...

9/11 Anniversary Plot: Terror Suspects Came From Inside U.S. - ABC News

So they have us running around like headless chickens.

City gridlocked.

Police up in arms.

Millions of dollars spent trying to find the suspected terrorists.

Hundreds of hours lost by the innocents trying to go about life as normal.

Tell me they haven't already won...

10 Years

10 years.

10 years since the two towers fell and the world lost its innocence for good.

And yet, we're still at it. Saddam is dead, as is Osama, but terrorism survives, probably forever. As long as there are fanatics in this world (and there always will be), there will be the possibility of another attack somewhere, sometime.

The terrorists have won, I think. They have affected how we travel, how we view the world. They have made us suspicious of those who look a certain way. They have cost us billions of dollars and worse, thousands of lives.

I really don't see how & when this can end.

Countdown

In less than a year from now, we will no longer be living in China. W will be off in college somewhere, and I will finally join A and officially become empty nesters.

The thing about change is that it's scary. And it's stressful. And it's inconvenient. And it's troublesome.

To be honest, right now, I am not anxious about W leaving the nest. Not yet, anyway. I am more stressed by all the packing that we will have to do. And the logistical planning of where all our STUFF will go to. We don't have a home, you see, having sold our apartment in Singapore a couple of years ago. And we have all this STUFF: all the stuff that accumulates in a four household family which will essentially have to be consolidated into a shipment for two. Much of the stuff can be sold or thrown away. But still, there are those memorabilia and keepsakes that will need to remain with us even though much of it will probably remain in our storage boxes till we are, possibly, dead & gone from this earth.

I am starting to sell some of the non-essentials. It's easier that way, but still, I know that as the time draws nearer to the date when we have to leave, I may possibly reach Panic Mode.

College Apps 2.1

I think I am more stressed than W. I look at the list of essays he has to write, the number of songs he has to record for auditions & add on the school projects he has to do this year with deadlines looming ever closer, and I have to take a deep breath to calm myself down.

"I have it covered," he tells me.

"I'm glad to hear that," I reply.

I, for one, will be glad when this school year is over.

Or at least, till the college admission results come out.

Easier

"It gets easier;" I told her, a parent who had just sent her eldest son off to college.

"It does," I emphasized, as she looked at me with faint disbelief and said, "Does it?"

I could see the sadness in her eyes - I imagine that mine must have looked the same a year ago.

It does get easier, but it doesn't really go away completely, that pang that you feel of not having him around. I wandered through his room today, looking at the things on his desk, and his wall. A class schedule is still pinned up on the board from his junior year - something he never quite got around to throwing away. Then there are those little bits & pieces of note paper & junk mail still lying there.

It's his way of telling me that he'll be back sooner than I think - his claim on this place that he still calls home.

It does get easier, but it doesn't really go away completely.

College Apps 2.0

And so it begins...

It is W's turn to apply for colleges. Except that for him it is going to involve a lot more work with the added requirement of submitting audition audios/videos since he is going to be majoring in Music.

I am hoping that it will be easier this time around. W seems to be more pro-active than Z insofar as getting his b*tt moving. He started on the essays before the summer break began. Z thinks that it's because W has a deeper passion for his chosen course of study than he ever did.

I certainly hope so. With this year of transition, I have a whole lot more on my mind than before.

Wish us luck.

Role Reversal

Happiness is...

...when your "baby" makes you coffee & a hearty breakfast all on his own accord.

:)

Magnificence 2

We have made our way through three national parks on the Colorado Plateau: Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon, Grand Canyon (North & South Rims).

They are, in one word, spectacular. Thinking about how they have been here on this Earth for millions of years makes me feel small and insignificant.

If I had to choose a favorite, I would say Bryce Canyon with its reddish colored rock formations called Hoodoos. The Paiutes believed that this was an evil place, and people who wandered in were turned into stone. W & I did the easy hike into the canyon and came up close & personal to some of these Hoodoos.

The Grand Canyon was, well, grand. The views from the both rims were breathtaking. With the Colorado River snaking through what essentially is a chasm in the Earth formed from shifting tectonic plates & volcanic activity, there were many areas along the Rim Trail where we were literally steps away from certain death if we were to take a wrong step over the edge!

We drove through desert highways, mountain roads, up to 9,000 feet above sea level. We saw mountains & valleys, rivers & lakes, forests & deserts, and the bright lights of Las Vegas.

But you know what the best part of the whole trip was?

Just doing things as a family and spending time together.

Magnificence

We are road tripping through a few of the national parks in the American southwest. The splendor & beauty of the landscape we have driven/hiked through can best be described through pictures.

This is Zion National Park in Utah. The pictures speak for themselves.

Panorama

Sunrise

Valley