What. A. Mess.

I can't believe that it's been over a year since I last posted here.  If you had told me a year ago that much of the first part of 2020 will be spent with most of the world on lockdown, with a novel viral pandemic raging and unemployment skyrocketing in many countries, I would have laughed and said you were crazy.

And yet, here we are.  I sit here in Macau, looking out at the rest of the world, especially Singapore and the USA which hold special places in my heart.  Macau has done relatively well; with a population of 600,00+ but a highly dense city, there have been less than 50 cases and no deaths from Covid-19 as I type this.   A combination of closing down the casinos, restricting border crossings, testing, contact tracing and isolation of cases has led to its success (but this small country that could seems to have been ignored by the world in general!)

Singapore did well initially with a quick response to the virus which started in Wuhan, China, putting in place protocols of isolation and contact tracing, much of which was learnt after the SARS epidemic in 2003.  Cases spiked later in overcrowded dormitories housing foreign workers who have previously been an ignored and invisible work force which keeps the Singapore economy going.  One hopes that all the focus on their living conditions will not fall by the wayside once this outbreak is over.

U.S.A.  What can I say about this once great country??!!  It has been heartbreaking to watch the political divide spill over in science and medicine, with sides being taken on simple things like wearing masks, when studies and global experiences have shown the benefits of how wearing a mask can help reduce the chance of spreading the infection.  Incompetent leadership (I won't mention names) has led to a lack of infection control protocol and a lack of coordination between states means that this outbreak is going to continue for a long time in the USA.  Simple contract tracing seems to be unachievable (because of privacy laws perhaps?) and poor messaging from the leader of the country has widened the divide.  An already broken healthcare system together with a political system that seems to have broken down into one which benefits the wealthy and you add to that a criminal justice system which is biased against people of color, and what do you get but a country of chaos.  

I can only hope that come November, new leadership will be elected to bring the country out of this abyss.  If not, if we get another 4 years of this mess, then all I can say is: God help the country.

* "I Call B***S***"

...that a 12 year old child goes to school, a supposedly safe haven and is thrust into a situation where he ends up holding on to a baseball bat in the event that he will go down fighting, I call B***S***

...when American leadership can offer nothing but thoughts and prayers over the last few decades every time there is a mass shooting, I CALL B***S***

...when the American political system has been corrupted by big money lobbyists, I call B***S***

...when the small vocal minority and big money lobbyists prevent common sense gun laws from being enacted, I call B***S***

*this phrase was popularized by Parkland High School school student Emma Gonzales at a rally where she called out the hypocrisy and political shenanigans surrounding attempts to enact common sense gun laws

55

I've just realized that I haven't posted at all this year.  And last year's posts numbered a measly FIVE.  I attribute it  purely to laziness.

I sometimes blog in my head, making commentaries about various subjects in my mind, thinking that I'll write them down when I get home or when I next turn on the computer but end up not doing it at all.  Much of the commentary involves US politics, the stupidity of Trump, his sycophants, and the messed up political system of America.  Sometimes, it's about our boys, their lives and career paths.  Oftentimes, it's about my current life of splitting time between three countries visiting aging parents, keeping hubby company and visiting the boys.  And I wonder about the what-ifs - what if I had taken a different more traditional path, similar to that of my peers.  What if I had met and married a local guy and stayed in Singapore to raise a family.  What if I had continued practicing clinical medicine.

It's probably part of getting older and conversations with friends have changed from how old our kids are and where they are going to school, to what ones' retirement plans are.  I dug up old pictures recently - pictures from secondary school and junior college.  How little we knew then!  I can see the naivete and innocence in our faces.

As I approach my 55th birthday in a few weeks,  I am thankful for this life and path I have been presented with and followed.  What a life it has been.  It hasn't been the most conventional, and I remain fairly rootless at this ripe old age.  But I have no regrets and look forward to the coming decades and to see what they will bring.

Bah Humbug

This year is probably the least Christmas-sy one in recent memory for us.  We spend the morning working out at the gym, followed by a very non-Christmas-sy lunch of dim sum, followed by an afternoon watching YouTube videos and Netflix then a dinner of Spanish tapas.

My Christmas ornaments have remained in their boxes for the 3rd year in a row....

It's hard to feel Christmas-sy when the rest of the family is not around.  It's times like this that one misses the good ol' days before our nest emptied out...

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Free-Range Kids

I read this article today encouraging free play and independence in kids today.  It reminded me of my childhood days of biking through our neighborhood with my sister and our friend S who also lived in the same neighborhood.  Such care-free days they were.  We were fearless and imagined ourselves conquering mountains as we rode our bikes at high speed over humps of a short cut trail we took to get home.  We were inspired by Enid Blyton books like the Secret Seven and the Famous Five, searching for adventure in our rather tame environs.  We got our fair share of scrapes and bruises but they did not stop us at all. 

I see the kids in Singapore today, stuck at home or in tuition centers, doing homework or enrichment exercises.  I suspect much of their free time is spent with eyes glued on to a smart phone or tablet either playing games or watching videos.  I bet the optometrists are making good money.

Crazy Rich Asians

There’s been a lot of hype surrounding the release of the movie “Crazy Rich Asians”.  I’ve read the various viewpoints – Asian-American, Singaporean, Malaysian.   I went into the cinema with an open mind, intending to watch it as a RomCom that happens to be set in Singapore.

I was surprised to find myself almost moved to tears when the movie opened with the big band sounding track by Jasmine Chen “Waiting For Your Return”.  I am not sure why it affected me so.  Maybe because I never thought I would see Chinese music being featured so prominently in a Hollywood studio production.

The rest of the movie was enjoyable, with surprisingly good performances from Singapore actors Koh Chieng Mun, Selena Tan, and especially Tan Kheng Hua.  They certainly deserved their roles, and what a refreshing change from the melodramatic performances  we see from them in  MediaCorp productions!

Whether or not one agrees with how good the movie is, it IS breaking box offices records .  But what I see as most impactful that has come out of this production are the conversations about Race and Diversity that has arisen. 

About time, I say

Social Media - Love it or Hate it?

So, Facebook has been in the news lately, because of data privacy (or lack thereof).  Stolen data, fake news, bots, election interference.....it has certainly shook up the world and given us all a wake up call that data on the internet is not really private unless you are tech-savvy enough to put up walls of all kinds to prevent your data from being stolen.

Facebook is now in the center of all this because of how big it's grown and how many users are using this platform.  Through it all, I have been amused by those who criticize it (ironically, on Facebook!) because ultimately, the user needs to share responsibility as well.  My philosophy when it comes to using Facebook has always been that whatever data I put in there is not confidential.  If in doubt, just don't put it in or share it.  Period.

For me, FB has always been an important way for me to remain connected with my family and friends.  For those of us who are world travelers, and global nomads, it is difficult when we miss out on birthdays and anniversaries, reunions and celebrations, and social media is the only way for us to feel like, in some small way, we are part of the happenings that go on at "home".

Does Facebook need to take responsibility for its lapses?  Absolutely.  But we should also take responsibility for what we put on the internet.  In the era of fake news and internet "trolls"*, we should also be smart about what we see and read on dubious websites.  Do we need regulation?  I certainly think so.  I also think those who spread fake news or impersonate celebrities should be held liable.  This, I think, will be the only way to stop the divisiveness that is spreading alarmingly throughout not just the USA, but also the world.

*definition from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary: "a person who intentionally antagonizes others online by posting inflammatory, irrelevant, or offensive comments or other disruptive content" 

Re-empty Nesting

They have come and now have gone again.  Z & W came for a month's visit with their parental units over the Christmas and New Year holidays.  Time spent as a family unit is much treasured these days, given the geographical distance between us.  Even more precious was time spent with their grandparents during a short getaway to Taipei, as due to various circumstances, visiting them in Singapore is not an option.

I loved simply just listening to and being a part of conversations between us.  Nothing beats face to face interactions.  Facetime is a blessing to be had for sure, but I do miss the physical togetherness of being a family, extended or otherwise.

Having said that, now that they have returned home, A says he is happy to be back to our usual grind and day to day schedule.  We love them dearly, but there is something to be said to be just the two of us once more.

...the right to bear arms....

...mass shooting happens...
...prayers and condolences expressed in the press, in social media, on TV...
...killer identified...
...motive for killing investigated/discussed...
...victims highlighted and featured in various media...
...heroes lauded...
...gun control vs gun lobby arguments heard ad nauseum...
...nothing changes...

...repeat...

Bygones

I watch a video taken almost exactly 21 years ago, of the 80th birthday celebration of my maternal grandmother.  It brings smiles when I see everyone look so young, when my boys were still in pre-school in the US, and we made trips to visit our extended family in Singapore.  I see the rest of my extended family - grand-uncles, grand-aunties, uncles, aunties, cousins....all converging from different parts of the world to celebrate a grand occasion.

I miss those days when life was a bit simpler.  The generation before mine seemed to be better at keeping in touch.  I guess being an international family doesn't help with family reunions.  Between Then and Now, relocations, and family dysfunctions have caused us all to scatter in the different hemispheres of the world - North, South, East, West; and to lose the connection that once was so close.

Family & work commitments does not make it easy to congregate.  Occasions like Chinese New Year, or Christmas, traditionally times when families come together have been relegated FaceTime meetings over the internet.  Planning for special birthdays now have to start months, or even a year ahead of time, in order to accommodate travel arrangements, school semesters, and leave from work.

We are a third culture family - children of immigrants who have become immigrants themselves and who have borne children who have grown up with unique life experiences.  Do I wish that we had had a more "traditional" life? Sometimes I do....especially during festive seasons.  Do I regret our life?  No way.  We took the path less traveled....and what a journey it has been

Birthday Musings

I spent my birthday in the Pacific NW of the USA, one of the most beautiful parts of this country, IMHO.  I am alone yet not alone....with technology, I stay connected with my global family and friends, whether it's through Facebook or Facetime or Whatsapp or Messenger.  Birthday greetings sent my way from halfway across the country and across the world warms my heart.  :)

These days, it's so easy to feel despondent over the politicking that is happening in DC.  Watching the news and various commentary shows has become like watching a car crash scene....it's awful and yet I can't look away.  This psychologically flawed President and his followers fill me with despair at the policies they want to implement and by their actions of trying to take away safeguards against damaging our environment, and against internet privacy, and making healthcare even more expensive and less affordable to those who can least afford it.  However, I have to hope that the laws and constitution of this great country will hold up against these crazy times and that there are enough honorable politicians left in the Capitol who will fight against these senseless attempts at regressing the USA.  He says Make America Great Again....but his policies, if passed, will make America Less.

Some of his supporters make fun of Liberals, calling them "libtards", or "snowflakes".  Well, if caring for the environment, and human rights and being sensitive to how others feel is part of what defines a liberal, then I proudly call myself one.

The World I Thought I Knew

So where to start?  It's been such a rough year with the US presidential elections.  The unbelievable happened.  The orange thin-skinned narcissistic braggart is now the President of the USA.

Tweeting, the inability to take criticism, the need to be "better", "bigger", the continuing antagonism towards the press, the very poorly executed travel ban, building the wall, repealing the ACA.....all this and it's only Day 12 of his presidency!

Everyday, I see news feeds on Facebook of news articles from various sources mostly criticising his actions (but I suspect my group of Facebook friends are mostly left-leaning).  What shocks me most is that I still see Trump supporters continuing to support his incompetent actions.  Blind faith!  Like he is God!  Sigh.

The people around him are scary fellows - Bannon & Flynn especially, the former reputed to be a white supremacist, the latter a conspiracy theorist - both not terribly reassuring qualities.

I fear for the America that I thought I knew and love.  I hope that lawyers will find something in the constitution and laws strong enough to impeach him.

15 years

I wrote this poem 10 years ago.

It's 15 years now since that ill-fated day.  We aren't that much closer to reducing terrorism. The difference is that it is now more insidious - they could be anyone in the community - any Tom, Dick or Harry who may one day decide that blowing themselves up with as many innocent victims as possible for their cause.  And it's not confined to the USA.

What is the world coming to?  Radical terrorist, foul-mouthed, hate spewing world leaders.

I worry for the generations to come

Guns

It has been a heartbreaking week for the USA, my second home.  Shootings in Orlando, Dallas, Baton Rouge, just to name a few.  Police officers, African-Americans, Caucasian, homosexuals, heterosexuals, an up & coming pop star were amongst the victims.

This spate of incidents seems to be coming too close together.  In the last few years, we hear about mass shootings in various parts of the US.  And each time it happens, the same rhetoric arises about lack of gun control, mental illness, terrorism.  The same old same old words written about the violence that is becoming more pervasive in America, the land of the free, where the right to bear arms seems to override everything else that makes sense to me.

I will never understand the mentality of those who think that the lawmakers who are trying to introduce common sense gun laws are trying to take away all their guns.

So we will see what happens in the coming weeks, months, years; will vigianteism become more rampant there?  I feel sorry for the law enforcers in those states which allow open carry weapons.  What a nightmare it is, not just for them, but also for regular citizens, who see people walking around with weapons on show, not knowing who has a mental illness or just had a bad day and wants to take it out on somebody with his/her gun.

Perhaps it will take a massive horrific event to take place before eyes are opened and mindsets are changed.

Fragile

Life is fragile.

The past week has been a sorrowful one for a dear friend.  Her daughter's ex-boyfriend took his own life.  He was 25 years old.  They had just broken up.  He was stressed by work.  What was the trigger?  Who knows?  I can't imagine how his parents are feeling.

Last year, the daughter of another dear friend also took her own life.  16 years old.  What drives these young people to such drastic extremes?  Are the stressors so insurmountable that they felt that suicide was the only way out?  I hear that suicide amongst the young has been on the rise in Singapore.  If true, why?

So so sad.

Transitioning. Again.

W leaves Boston tomorrow for a new life in California.  He graduated last year and now begins a new phase of life where he will (hopefully) find a job at least temporarily, while deciding whether he wants to go on to law school or not.  I am optimistic that he will do well.

For us, this year is a year of moves.  Moving/selling our Boston condo, moving out of our rental in Singapore, moving into a larger place in Macau....and hopefully finding a permanent home somewhere in the Pacific Northwest of the USA.  I have been longing for permanence for a while now.  At the ripe old age of 52, I long to finally put down some roots.  My tired soul has had enough of uprooting over the last 2 decades or so.

Sins of the Parents

I think of our retirement years with a heavy heart.  The country I've always considered as home does not seem so friendly after all.  If retiring here means not being able to see our oldest son, then I choose not to stay.

The illogicality of it tears at my heart and soul.  It may seem melodramatic but this has dragged on for so long and has worn me down.  I don't know if I want to keep on fighting them, it seems so futile.  What makes it worse is none of it is of his doing.  It is Us.  We were the ones who made the wrong decisions.

I feel sad that it has come to this.  A heart-wrenching decision.  A grandson unable to see his grandparents in their twilight years.  But it is what it is and we'll just have to live with it.

Gun Violence in America

I have discussed/argued/talked about, hashed & rehashed this issue of gun violence in the USA with friends both American & non-American.   Gun violence IS a problem there.   No one can argue over this.  But when I listen to comments & views coming from gun rights supporters, I can’t help but feel astounded by how narrow-minded & skewed their viewpoints are.  I find lists easier to absorb than pure prose so here goes…,

1) “Guns do not kill people; people kill people”.  Somehow, the fact that it’s so much easier for people WITH GUNS to kill people than for people WITHOUT guns seems to have flown over their heads.  Terrorist attack in London by a guy with a knife – ZERO persons killed; 3 persons injured.  Terrorist attack in San Bernadino by two people with rifles & guns – 14 persons killed; 20 persons injured.  Do the Math.

2) “The government just wants to take guns away from us”.  Usually, “the government” here refers to the Democrats.  This is reflective of how divisive it has become in the USA: liberals vs conservatives.  It is hard for me to fathom the paranoia amongst the conservatives that the government wants to take away guns from everyone.    It is sad for me to see all the “shouting” that takes place on the internet between these two groups, instead of coming together to try to find answers. 

3) “We need to arm more people”.  I have come to realize that basically, the NRA & many of the gun rights supporters would prefer everyone to go into a gun battle in the name of self-defense than to avoid the gun battle in the first place by preventing guns from getting into the wrong hands.  I shudder to think of the scenario in which armed innocents go against armed perpetrators – imagine the carnage.  Even experienced law enforcement officers have said that even with training, when you are plunged into a life and death situation, much of what was learnt before doesn’t really work as expected.  Check out this video  

4) “Mental Health is what we should focus on instead”.  Of course we have to address this big problem.  But the fact is that mental health problems are not unique to the USA.  It is a problem worldwide.  And yet, only in the US do you see how mentally ill persons are able to get hold of guns and cause carnage in schools, movie theaters, churches, medical centers…. 

5) “There are already laws in place that require background checks when buying guns”   My response to this is: obviously, they aren’t working. Isn’t it time to sit down & relook at WHY people who should not have guns are STILL able to get guns?  Even as I write this, a bill which would make background checks on gun sales at gun shows & online a requirement has been overturned. 

6) ”We have the constitutional right to bear arms”  This view is probably the one which I find the most difficult to come to terms with.  The constitution was written over 200 years ago, in circumstances entirely & vastly different from current times.  I cannot understand the reluctance of many to accept that change may be necessary for the good of society.  The right to bear arms should not be all-encompassing.  There are some in society who do not/should not have the right to bear arms: the mentally incapacitated, the suicidal, the potential terrorist, the under aged, the intoxicated, the criminals, period. 

I know that this short essay will not make a difference to die-hard gun advocates.  I DO NOT consider myself anti-gun.  I consider myself pro-gun control.  Much like how pro-choice does not equate to anti-life, I believe that there are alternatives out there.  But it WILL involve compromise, as in most things in life.  As it stands, when I see what is being said and discussed on social media & on the internet,  I am not confident at all that the gun rights supporters will be willing to compromise.  It would be wonderful if I am proven wrong.

World War

This past week has been rough, to say the least.  I have felt sadness, anger, horror, disgust, disillusionment, indignation, disappointment.  It almost seems like the world is slowly heading a war.  A World War 3 perhaps, that is different from the first two which were fought mostly within geographical boundaries.  This new war we are seeing is reflective of the world of today, where globalization has meant greater connectivity via telecommunications, the internet & airplane travel;  the advantages of this connectivity has also meant that the evil-doers can also use it for their purposes of terrorizing the innocent under the guise of religious teachings.

It looks like Europe is bracing itself for an onslaught, currently with France, Belgium & Germany being affected.  But I am pretty sure that other countries will need to be prepared as well.  We have already seen terror strike Mali, the Phillipines & of course the Middle East.

I hope I am wrong, but I am not optimistic.

Relativity

Haze!
PSI 314!
Wear your N95 masks!

This has been the repeated, resounding points of discussion this past week, as our friendly neighbor embarks on their yearly bonfire event, blowing their smoke in Singapore's direction.

Granted it's not pleasant to go outside into the smoky smelling hazy air.

But having lived in Beijing for over 5 years, where air quality of 200 was considered a "good" day, I am not complaining.