Full Circle (sort of)

So.

The Fates have decided that we move to Singapore in the coming year.  

I can't say that I am unhappy about it.  I will be close to my parents and at their age, it is great that I will be able to spend more time with them.

I will be able to reconnect with friends, both long-time and recent.  Many good friends from Beijing have relocated to Singapore over the last few years.  Reconnecting with old friends will be quite different though.  I find my views & attitudes about social mores, parenting, education, well, heck, life in general, have changed over the years that I have lived away from there.  I am not sure how well received those views will be by some of them.  I'll just have to wait and see.

However, moving there will mean that Z. will not be able to visit, for reasons which for now, best remain un-revealed on the world wide web.  Both boys would prefer that we remain in Hong Kong or move back to the US of A.  But A. has to move where his job brings us; after all, there are still college tuition fees to be paid (less one after this semester, yay!).

So for now, Singapore it is, for better or for worse.

As for Hong Kong, well.....I never was in love with this city.  But for what it's worth, it's been a good respite from living in China, and the dim sum has been delicious.

A Wedding and A Funeral

This has been a summer of joy & sorrow.

In the heat of summer in the Northern Hemisphere, I saw my sister's daughter marry the love of her life in an idyllic lakeside setting.  My boys and my sister's children spent a precious two days together; the cousins had not been together in the same place at the same time for six years.

Yesterday, a beloved favorite uncle passed away after a long and valiant battle against chronic myelocytic leukemia.  He was a radiologist by training, a highly intelligent and musically gifted man.  His quick pun-ny wit and sense of humor meant that much of the time spent with him was filled with side-splitting laughter and tears spilling over from mirth.

This week, I will head into the winter weather of the Southern Hemisphere to say a final goodbye to him.  I will reunite with cousins of my own whom I haven't seen in years.

Rest in peace, dear TKF....

Afterglow - Helen Lowrie Marshall

I'd like the memory of me
To be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an afterglow
Of smiles when day is done.

I'd like to leave an echo
Whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times
And bright and sunny days.

I'd like the tears of those who grieve,
To dry before the sun
Of happy memories I leave
Behind - when day is done.

I miss

I miss the wide open spaces.

I miss the clear blue skies and fresh air.

I miss cheap fresh produce from the local farms & supermarkets.

I miss planting flowers in the yard.

I miss, I miss, I miss.

Missing Us

I've said many times & to many people that being an empty nester has been very liberating.  However, that doesn't take away from the fact that I am missing Us, the Family Unit.  Whether it is sitting at the dinner table, talking about stuff or watching a movie together then dissecting the storyline after, or just being in the same room while surfing the Internet, I do miss Us.

Prayer

I don't consider myself religious.  Spiritual, perhaps, but not religious.  I used to think I was Christian back in my teenage years, but I blame that on youthful susceptibility to peer pressure (my close friends went to church, and so I did too).  As I got older and was exposed to more & varied types of people, I became jaded by those who called themselves Christian but were not good in how they behaved towards others (ethically), and their attitude towards those who did not believe.  Their evangelicalistic zeal (aka "Believe that Jesus is your Saviour or you will go to hell!!!" diatribes) turned me off from the religion.

But don't get me wrong, I still prayed to God although that has lapsed in the recent years.  I guess my perception of religion & a superior being has evolved over the years.  Whether that Being is called God, or Allah, or Buddha, or Yahweh, to me it doesn't matter.   What matters to me is for people to NOT be hypocritical.  Don't kill or behave badly or show disrespect or abuse others in the name of your religion & your God.  The God that I believe in is not a cruel one who would ask us to kill or rape or maim or curse in His name.

I seldom talk about religion with my friends.  I have friends who are Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Muslim, atheists, agnostics.  My true friends don't preach to me about their beliefs and I, in return, don't preach to them.  I generally stay away from those who are overzealous in their religious fervor.  I do not want to be told that I will go to hell if I don't believe.  You see, I don't believe that I will go to hell.  I am not even sure if I believe that there IS one.  Perhaps our consciousness will pass on to another existential plane.  I just don't know.  For me, I just want to live this physical life the best I can.  Be good (as good can be).  Be kind (as much as possible).  Do no harm.

The reason why I am writing this is because I prayed two days ago, after a lapse of God-only-knows how many years.  I haven't prayed in a long time.  I used to pray about exams, and about my personal life.  But honestly, life has been good to me, so that is probably the reason why I haven't done so in so long.  But I prayed two days ago, because a close relative of mine, who has been living with chronic myelogenous leukemia for several years, just took a turn for the worse.  His blood work showed that it was turning into the blast phase with accompanying deterioration of his physical condition.  

So I prayed.

Today I found out that his latest blood test shows that the blast count has dropped, his white count & platelets have also come up.

Woah

I wonder what the response will be from the Ministry of Health to this mother's letter in the Straits Times....

Polyclinic doctors don't have it easy

PUBLISHED ON APR 10, 2014

PRINTEMAIL

 

I AM the mother of a polyclinic doctor and would like to give a different perspective to Ms Evelyn Ong Foo Chou's letter ("So hard to consult a polyclinic doc"; Tuesday).

After waiting for hours, some patients are likely to be frustrated and angry when they enter the doctor's consultation room. They want to get a consultation worth their wait.

But how do you expect the doctor to give them more "eye-contact time" when he has to document the patient's medical history, conduct the medical examination, reach a diagnosis and write the prescription - all within a matter of minutes - given that he has to fulfil a minimum quota of 60 patients a day?

Some patients express their frustration through anti-social behaviour, such as stealing the doctor's mobile phone, using abusive language when they do not get the prescription or medical certificate they want, or crushing the queue slip and throwing it at the doctor.

Many polyclinic doctors do not even have time for a proper lunch and often eat junk food from the vending machine.

Which doctor would want to work in a polyclinic when locum jobs in the private sector pay three times more, with one-third the patient load?

If there were no bond in place for Singapore's medical graduates, more than half of them would have already left the service.

Chew Ghim Lian (Ms)

Reunions

It's almost the end of my trip to Singapore.  It's been a special trip filled with birthday celebrations & reunions, both family & friends.

Carpe Diem is my motto for my next century of life.  I plan to hold my loved ones close, and appreciate them more as I realize that life is not that long, and especially when one lives far from one's family & friends, every moment spent together are treasured pearls.

A Birthday Reflection

I turn 50 this weekend – another milestone in this journey called life.  And what an adventure this life has been!  As I reflect upon half a century of life on this Earth, I am thankful for all that I have: a family I adore, a life so full of experiences that most people only read about, and friends…dear friends.

We are made up of bits and pieces - the family we grew up in, the friends we have had relationships with, the experiences we’ve had.  I don’t say it enough, but I love my family: my parents, obviously, for bringing me into this world, bringing me up, for the sacrifices they’ve made to make sure that we were all provided for.  It sounds clichéd but being a parent has made me realize how tough & never-ending this “job” is - sleepless nights, tough decisions made, sacrifice, anxiety, elation, mistakes and love, so much love.  

I am thankful for friends who have remained steadfast through the years no matter how long or far apart we have stayed, they are the ones with whom I can pick up where we left off as if I was never gone.  I am thankful for the new friends I’ve made in our semi-nomadic life, living in four different countries in the last few decades.  I have learnt that a) you’re never too old to make good friends, b) friends come in many shapes, sizes, colors & backgrounds, and c) no matter who or where we are & where we come from, fundamentally, deep down inside, we all want the same things in life:  love, & good health for our families & ourselves.

I am even thankful for those used-to-be good friends who have since drifted away; whether due to family or work commitments or just the fact that priorities change as life situations change, I want to say thank you for your friendship in the past.

Many people ask if I have any regrets in taking the path I have taken.  I can’t say that I have.  If I had known then what I know now, I probably would have chosen a different field of study, or made different decisions or taken different actions.  But as they say, hindsight is always 20-20, and I DIDN’T know then what I know now.  So whatever paths taken & forks in the path chosen were done so for the right reasons at the time.  So, no… no regrets. 

Because my family & friends are scattered throughout the globe, I have decided to celebrate not my 50^th birthday, but my 50^th year -  a series of celebrations with loved ones whenever the opportunity arises in whichever country I happen to be in.  50.1 & 50.2 have already taken place in the USA.  I look forward to the rest! 

Pensive

I have been watching this program on TV, which makes me wonder how different (and more fulfilling, perhaps?) my professional life would have been if I had had the opportunity to follow my passion?

(Not a regret, but one cannot help but wonder).

Decibels

I wonder why movie theaters crank up the volume so high?

A & I watched "Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit" on Lunar New Year's Day (oh so festive of us) and during the scenes with car chases/bombs exploding/guns shooting, the decibel levels were high enough to hurt my ear drums.

I resorted to putting in ear plugs which I always carry in my purse (a habit I developed thanks to the various very loud rock gigs I attended when my boys were performing in high school).  Even with ear plugs on, the volume was high enough that I could still hear the dialog being spoken in the movie.

Ridiculous.

Self-Reflection

So in the last few days, this guy has been in the news in Singapore for making disparaging remarks about Singapore/Singaporeans on the social media.  He has received death threats & Singaporeans have been up in arms & demanding for his deportation.

I am not defending this fellow.  He sounds like an obnoxious pr*** with a holier-than-thou attitude towards the country that is his cash cow.  I feel sorry for his wife & son.  They did not deserve receiving threats due to his stupidity.    I am pretty sure that many foreigners working in Singapore are there basically, just to make a living.  They may not like the behavior or attitudes of the local folks, or may not like the public transport; comparisons with their home countries are inevitable, and they may even share the same sentiments as Mr Casey.  As someone who has lived overseas, I can certainly understand & empathize (although I don't agree with the mean-ness of his remarks).

But has he broken any laws?  The way I see it, what he is guilty of is sheer stupidity.  Why put these insults on the Internet for all to see?  He obviously did not see how this would affect not just himself, possibly his career, but also his family.  Even high school kids are warned about putting dubious comments & diatribes on the social media, as these sorts of things can be seen by potential colleges & future employers.

I ask this of people who are demanding deportation: reflect on your own attitudes & even comments made in the past.  Have you ever made a remark about a particular group of people or a particular country which may be insulting to them?  Really.   Think hard.  I know I have, & I'm not proud of it.  It may not have been as blatantly obnoxious as what Mr Casey has said, but still, not pleasant, and usually said in the height of annoyance.

Does he deserve deportation?  No.  I don't think such a drastic measure is needed.  He may face punitive actions from his employer, and possibly even be fired.   He should be made to do some kind of community service to learn what it is like to be "poor" in Singapore.  Perhaps then, he will learn his lesson, and hopefully impart some good values to his son.

Scrooge

Call me a Scrooge or just plain lazy but our home was devoid of Christmas decorations this year.  A big reason why is because 99% of our Christmas decorations are in storage.  And who has room for a tree anyway?

I saw the malls & shops all decked out in Christmas decorations but somehow did not feel the Christmas spirit; it just felt so commercial.  Hong Kong &, I think, Singapore as well, "celebrate" American holidays like Easter (chocolate bunnies & Easter egg hunts, which, the way I see it, has nothing to do with the resurrection of Christ), and Halloween (this was something I only read about or watched on TV when I was growing up).  Retailers do a whopping business marketing Christmas presents, & Easter/Halloween candies, and fancy dress costumes for trick-or-treating (or in the case of adults, partying).

Now, Chinese New Year is coming and the decorations started going up as soon as Christmas was over.  It will be another quiet one for us this year, just A & I.  I asked him: "I'm trying to decide whether to put up CNY decorations or not.  Should I?"
His answer: "Why?  We would just need to take them down again."

I guess I'm not the only Scrooge in the family.

Happy Year of the Horse everyone.

Reunited

It's at once strange & wonderful to have all four of us under the same roof.  Z & W are here on their winter break.  This tiny apartment is not made for four large people to live in despite having 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms.  We are overflowing with luggage & furniture & STUFF.

But in spite of living on top of each other, these next few weeks will be treasured.  We have learned to appreciate each other more because of the separation.

We are Family.

Moving On

I read this article about Friendship today and it struck a chord in me.  I have been feeling like I've been drifting away from old friends in the past few years, friends whom I have known for most of my life, since primary school.  I had thought that we would be BFFs forever, no matter what, no matter where.  But in the last few years, every time I tried to re-connect when I was back in town (in my home country), they couldn't find the time to do so due to either family or work commitments.  Each time, I admit that I would feel slightly resentful, thinking that if it was me, I would make the time since such get-togethers were so hard to come by, given the fact that I don't live there anymore.

Recently, after my last attempt at organizing another get-together, I finally accepted that they (& I) have changed).  Our priorities are no longer the same.   Our attitudes towards life are different.  "C'est la vie"  is now my motto.  They will always remain my friends & we will always have great memories of times shared, both good & bad.  I will not try so hard to grasp at what I think remain the same, because they are not the same anymore.  We are different people now, shaped by different life experiences.  If they reach out to me, I will gratefully & warmly reach back out to them.

But for now, I will stay connected to those who still want to stay connected, no matter how short a time I have known them.

Root Causes

Several years ago, before I left the work force, I learnt about Root Cause Analysis.  I learnt about its use specifically in health care & adverse events & medical errors, and how, by doing this analysis, we can recommend system-wide changes & improvements to minimize risk of adverse events.

A couple of days ago, there were riots in Singapore, my home country.  I never thought I would use the words "riot" & "Singapore" in the same sentence in my lifetime.  These riots were triggered by the death of an Indian national as a result of a road traffic accident in Little India, on a Sunday which is the day off for the thousands of foreign workers who work in Singapore.

Much is being said on the social media about why it happened & what should be done & along with it, the trolls & racists & xenophobics are all at it too, denouncing specific racial groups.   Sad, really.  This is not the Singapore I grew up in.  We were told in school that we were a multiracial, multicultural country.  It is even in our pledge -  "...regardless of race, language or religion..."

It was drilled into us that we should be tolerant of each other, color blind, respectful of our differences.  But in recent years, I have noted with sadness that there are signs of racism and xenophobia becoming more & more apparent.  Perhaps in the past, this was hidden, but with social media, it becomes more obvious.  In any case, it's sad.

With these riots, I am hoping that the government & Singapore society will wake up & see that making money is not all that counts.  Do a root cause analysis of why this happened.  I would not be surprised if they found that some of the issues faced by these foreign workers were part of the fuel that resulted in the riots.  

We have to learn to be human again.  Respect each other as humans.  Treat each other right, no matter if you're a top level executive, politician, blue collar worker.  

Missing

Seeing all the pictures on Facebook of families spending Thanksgiving with their loved ones makes me miss our boys even more.  Sometimes, I wish we were a bit more "normal" in the sense of being able to celebrate special occasions as a family under the same roof.

I am counting down the days till they are both here in Hong Kong for the winter break.

Flying Solo

A. has been away this past week, visiting his mother whose apartment needed some work done.  So I have been living the single life, which is actually more boring than it sounds.  Working out, quilting, watching internet TV, reading, pretty much sums up my days.

And it has been nice.  Simple meals, sometimes a salad, sometimes a sandwich & sometimes, when I feel bad, a bowl of instant noodles.

But I'm ready for A. to come back.
Which he is.
Tonight.

Alien

I read this article someone posted on Facebook today.  Very true words.

I've lived away from the country where I grew up in for just about a third of my life.  I count the number of times I have moved in my married life (10 excluding the temporary housing we've lived in while waiting for our "permanent" homes to be ready for us to move into).

I've embraced this experience.  But some of the sentiments expressed in this article about missing out on stuff ring so true.  I've missed birthdays, weddings, anniversaries.  I've missed my extended family and hanging out with friends.  I've also grown apart from friends whom I previously thought were my "besties" but the years apart & the worldly experiences I've had has resulted in us growing apart, not just in distance but also in our attitudes towards various social issues.  I think I've become liberalized by my exposure to so many different cultures & ethnicities and can't help but feel appalled at some of the attitudes that exist in my home country.

I believe that third culture kids (& third culture adults like me) become more tolerant of differences.  The xenophobia & racism that I increasingly see at "home" alarms me.  It doesn't feel like home anymore.  It's not the same as what I remember it to be.

The saying goes: "Home is Where the Heart is".  It certainly is...and not necessarily located in any particular physical location.

How Doctors Die

I read this article some time ago.  It talks about a topic that many are uncomfortable to delve on.  It came to mind because a close relative of mine, who has been suffering from a chronic form of leukemia for the last several years, just found out that his condition is probably turning acute (not a good thing, where leukemia is concerned).  He is also a medical doctor and knows what this means with regards to possible scenarios.

We talked about what his options are now.  He has to live a day at a time, continuing with chemotherapy for a while longer, for what it's worth.  He is putting his things in order so as to make it "easier" for his loved ones (is it ever easy?) when he finally passes on.  There are three physicians in our family (including himself).  He has spoken about euthanasia (when the time comes) with his brother (the other physician), with me & with his own oncologist, knowing full well that the laws of the countries we live in prohibit it.   It is not an option, he knows, though he jokingly asks me to give him an overdose of propofol when he starts going downhill.  I laugh in response while trying to keep tears from rolling down my face (we are on the phone).

He knows what he is in for once the acute phase kicks in.  Fulminating infections, organ failures etc.  He doesn't want to suffer through all that.  The only option left at that point would be an induced coma until he finally passes on with dignity.

You've Got Mail

We asked W to put a letter in the mailbox as we were strolling down the street to a restaurant for lunch in Boston this summer.  He looked at me and asked in all seriousness, " What does it look like?"  I wasn't surprised that he didn't know.  Not only is he a TCK, and had not lived in the US for a long time but in this day & age, how often do we even mail letters the old-fashioned way, especially the younger generation?

I had always enjoyed receiving & writing letters from young.  Letters to my grandparents, postcards from abroad, pen pals....every time the postman came, I would eagerly look for mail for me.  It was our way of keeping connected across long distances.

Over the last 20 years, my letter writing has dwindled to close to Zero as we now use email/text/Facebook/Skype/Whatsapp to keep in touch.  But somehow, I feel that even though we are so connected, we are more disconnected from each other than before.