Reunited

It's at once strange & wonderful to have all four of us under the same roof.  Z & W are here on their winter break.  This tiny apartment is not made for four large people to live in despite having 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms.  We are overflowing with luggage & furniture & STUFF.

But in spite of living on top of each other, these next few weeks will be treasured.  We have learned to appreciate each other more because of the separation.

We are Family.

Moving On

I read this article about Friendship today and it struck a chord in me.  I have been feeling like I've been drifting away from old friends in the past few years, friends whom I have known for most of my life, since primary school.  I had thought that we would be BFFs forever, no matter what, no matter where.  But in the last few years, every time I tried to re-connect when I was back in town (in my home country), they couldn't find the time to do so due to either family or work commitments.  Each time, I admit that I would feel slightly resentful, thinking that if it was me, I would make the time since such get-togethers were so hard to come by, given the fact that I don't live there anymore.

Recently, after my last attempt at organizing another get-together, I finally accepted that they (& I) have changed).  Our priorities are no longer the same.   Our attitudes towards life are different.  "C'est la vie"  is now my motto.  They will always remain my friends & we will always have great memories of times shared, both good & bad.  I will not try so hard to grasp at what I think remain the same, because they are not the same anymore.  We are different people now, shaped by different life experiences.  If they reach out to me, I will gratefully & warmly reach back out to them.

But for now, I will stay connected to those who still want to stay connected, no matter how short a time I have known them.

Root Causes

Several years ago, before I left the work force, I learnt about Root Cause Analysis.  I learnt about its use specifically in health care & adverse events & medical errors, and how, by doing this analysis, we can recommend system-wide changes & improvements to minimize risk of adverse events.

A couple of days ago, there were riots in Singapore, my home country.  I never thought I would use the words "riot" & "Singapore" in the same sentence in my lifetime.  These riots were triggered by the death of an Indian national as a result of a road traffic accident in Little India, on a Sunday which is the day off for the thousands of foreign workers who work in Singapore.

Much is being said on the social media about why it happened & what should be done & along with it, the trolls & racists & xenophobics are all at it too, denouncing specific racial groups.   Sad, really.  This is not the Singapore I grew up in.  We were told in school that we were a multiracial, multicultural country.  It is even in our pledge -  "...regardless of race, language or religion..."

It was drilled into us that we should be tolerant of each other, color blind, respectful of our differences.  But in recent years, I have noted with sadness that there are signs of racism and xenophobia becoming more & more apparent.  Perhaps in the past, this was hidden, but with social media, it becomes more obvious.  In any case, it's sad.

With these riots, I am hoping that the government & Singapore society will wake up & see that making money is not all that counts.  Do a root cause analysis of why this happened.  I would not be surprised if they found that some of the issues faced by these foreign workers were part of the fuel that resulted in the riots.  

We have to learn to be human again.  Respect each other as humans.  Treat each other right, no matter if you're a top level executive, politician, blue collar worker.  

Missing

Seeing all the pictures on Facebook of families spending Thanksgiving with their loved ones makes me miss our boys even more.  Sometimes, I wish we were a bit more "normal" in the sense of being able to celebrate special occasions as a family under the same roof.

I am counting down the days till they are both here in Hong Kong for the winter break.

Flying Solo

A. has been away this past week, visiting his mother whose apartment needed some work done.  So I have been living the single life, which is actually more boring than it sounds.  Working out, quilting, watching internet TV, reading, pretty much sums up my days.

And it has been nice.  Simple meals, sometimes a salad, sometimes a sandwich & sometimes, when I feel bad, a bowl of instant noodles.

But I'm ready for A. to come back.
Which he is.
Tonight.

Alien

I read this article someone posted on Facebook today.  Very true words.

I've lived away from the country where I grew up in for just about a third of my life.  I count the number of times I have moved in my married life (10 excluding the temporary housing we've lived in while waiting for our "permanent" homes to be ready for us to move into).

I've embraced this experience.  But some of the sentiments expressed in this article about missing out on stuff ring so true.  I've missed birthdays, weddings, anniversaries.  I've missed my extended family and hanging out with friends.  I've also grown apart from friends whom I previously thought were my "besties" but the years apart & the worldly experiences I've had has resulted in us growing apart, not just in distance but also in our attitudes towards various social issues.  I think I've become liberalized by my exposure to so many different cultures & ethnicities and can't help but feel appalled at some of the attitudes that exist in my home country.

I believe that third culture kids (& third culture adults like me) become more tolerant of differences.  The xenophobia & racism that I increasingly see at "home" alarms me.  It doesn't feel like home anymore.  It's not the same as what I remember it to be.

The saying goes: "Home is Where the Heart is".  It certainly is...and not necessarily located in any particular physical location.

How Doctors Die

I read this article some time ago.  It talks about a topic that many are uncomfortable to delve on.  It came to mind because a close relative of mine, who has been suffering from a chronic form of leukemia for the last several years, just found out that his condition is probably turning acute (not a good thing, where leukemia is concerned).  He is also a medical doctor and knows what this means with regards to possible scenarios.

We talked about what his options are now.  He has to live a day at a time, continuing with chemotherapy for a while longer, for what it's worth.  He is putting his things in order so as to make it "easier" for his loved ones (is it ever easy?) when he finally passes on.  There are three physicians in our family (including himself).  He has spoken about euthanasia (when the time comes) with his brother (the other physician), with me & with his own oncologist, knowing full well that the laws of the countries we live in prohibit it.   It is not an option, he knows, though he jokingly asks me to give him an overdose of propofol when he starts going downhill.  I laugh in response while trying to keep tears from rolling down my face (we are on the phone).

He knows what he is in for once the acute phase kicks in.  Fulminating infections, organ failures etc.  He doesn't want to suffer through all that.  The only option left at that point would be an induced coma until he finally passes on with dignity.

You've Got Mail

We asked W to put a letter in the mailbox as we were strolling down the street to a restaurant for lunch in Boston this summer.  He looked at me and asked in all seriousness, " What does it look like?"  I wasn't surprised that he didn't know.  Not only is he a TCK, and had not lived in the US for a long time but in this day & age, how often do we even mail letters the old-fashioned way, especially the younger generation?

I had always enjoyed receiving & writing letters from young.  Letters to my grandparents, postcards from abroad, pen pals....every time the postman came, I would eagerly look for mail for me.  It was our way of keeping connected across long distances.

Over the last 20 years, my letter writing has dwindled to close to Zero as we now use email/text/Facebook/Skype/Whatsapp to keep in touch.  But somehow, I feel that even though we are so connected, we are more disconnected from each other than before.

Country Living

I've been spending time with my parents in their new home, across the Straits of Johor.  It's a spanking new development located on the Eastern coast of Johor in Malaysia so close to Singapore that you can actually see the country from the waterfront boardwalk which is part of the community.  Marshland forms a part of the landscape of this ambitious development.  Hard to believe that swampland can be beautiful, but it actually is....

Today I just saw a sea otter swimming along the coastline then scamper onto shore & into the mangrove swamp.  A monitor lizard almost came into the house as it chased its prey (the largest gecko I've ever seen!!!), which did come in, scaring me to bits (I have herpetophobia - thanks Google!).  To be honest, I can do without the latter kind of wildlife!

The town nearby reminds me of the city I was born in...especially the shop houses with hawker stalls selling delicious local foods!  The difference between Johor Baru & Singapore is quite astounding, really, given the fact that only a narrow strip of water separates the two.  It's hard to find the rustic feel of country living in the rather artificial environment that is Singapore.

Yesterday, my folks brought me to eat seafood at a restaurant located on Orang Asli land on the waterfront.  Certainly not a five star restaurant.  It is located on stilts above the water, with a rather rickety bridge that leads to it from the "mainland".  Planks of dubious strength make up the bridge, but the food! the food!  Fresh crabs & fish & prawns & clams!  From the restaurant, one can see the farming areas where the seafood is cultivated by the Orang Asli.  The restaurant is run by ethnically Chinese Malaysians.  This symbiotic relationship between the two groups makes good business sense, as evidenced by the healthy crowd of customers present in the restaurant even at the odd hour of 3 pm.

Seafood is farmed by the Orang Asli (above)

Orang Asli homes on stilts by the water

A Quarter Century

We last reunited 5 years ago.  My classmates from Medical School got together again a couple of nights ago to celebrate our 25th year post-graduation.

It was a good turn out: about 2/3 of the class showed up.  I think I did pretty well in recognizing people... better than 5 years ago anyway!  We've become older/greyer/fatter/slimmer/aesthetically enhanced/more wrinkled.  But when I say hello and chat, I see the same people I went to school with.  Personalities remain the same despite the additional prefixes and suffixes in their names.

Two have passed on, reminding us to seize the day.   We saw a slideshow comprising of old photos from our days as students, and photos of us now, with our families; so happy to see the smiling faces of my peers and their loved ones.

Our class may not have been the most distinguished nor the most intellectual, and it certainly has had its share of oddballs, and infamy.  But we are certainly an interesting lot.

Here's to 25 more years!

Writing

It used to be that in the diaries of my teenage self, I would write about my life daily.  No matter how seemingly mundane, I would faithfully jot it down in my journal.  Most of the time it was about the TV shows or movies that I had watched or outings I had gone on.  Embarrassingly it was also full of gushing descriptions about my current heart throbs at the time.

My recent writing has drifted from that about daily life, to that about issues I have been passionate about.  I recently read a blog post by a favorite performer of mine here.  This entry is very matter of fact but has inspired me to write more about the happenings surrounding my life.  I read my 30+ year old writings & it brings back memories of my younger self.  I want to be able to write down my musings & impressions of my current self, so that if I'm fortunate enough to be still around in 30 years time, (& provided that I still possess my faculties) it will be something I can read and look back upon....hopefully fondly.

Home

We've recently become property owners again, having bought a condo in Beantown.  W attends college there & with the high rentals we figured we would use the opportunity to invest in something Stateside before the property prices take off.  As it was, the market was already in a frenzy in many of the larger cities in the US with bidding wars & property selling for higher than asking prices.

Anyway, we looked, we found & we did.  We finally have a Home.  It's strange how owning something we can call our own makes me feel good.  We have been "homeless" for several years now, having sold our previous property in Singapore when we decided that we would probably not go back there again.  And here in HK, with the property prices one of the highest in the world, it is impossible to even dream of owning even a small apartment (not that I would want to make this our permanent home anyway).

Both our boys are happy that there is, at least, somewhere, they can call Home.  Small as it is, it's a place we can direct our mail to without having to impose on the convenience of a relative.   It's somewhere where, when filling out forms, I can write down a permanent address and home phone number without thinking twice.

It feels good.

Looking back

I am looking through the pictures of my medical school classmates in our old university directory, preparing a slideshow that will be screened during our coming 25th year reunion (!!!), and I wonder at some of these familiar faces - some are/have been heads of departments in hospitals, most have families, many are GP's with established practices in Singapore.

I remember some of them as awkward teens, having attended the same junior colleges as several of them.  They were uncomfortable with the opposite sex, umm-ing & aw-ing when trying to have a conversation.

I remember some as the "bad boys" of the class, smoking, having "adventurous exploits" with the opposite gender.

I wonder what they are like now, as I have lost touch with most of them over the years.  It's hard to picture them as Heads of Departments or Senior Consultants or to address them as Prof.  In my mind, they are the same old classmates whose photographs look back at me from the directory.

A couple have passed on & when I see those old pictures of them in the prime of their lives, I wonder what the me of today would say to the them of yesterday if I could speak to them.   Would I tell them to enjoy life to the fullest & appreciate their loved ones while they can?

A few have gotten into trouble with the law & with the medical council.  What would I tell the young them?

What I DO know is that for me, there have been no regrets.  And I couldn't have asked for a better life.

:)

Venting

Let me begin by first saying that I love the USA.  I consider it my second home (where my first home is, I don't know!).

However, I think some of the policies & laws are made by some of the least intelligent & close-minded people in the world.  And one reason has to a bit do with the litigiousness of its society.  Look at the infamous McDonald's coffee cup  lawsuit, for heaven's sake.   Because of that, disposable coffee cups in the USA have warnings that the contents are hot.  Duh.  Knee jerk reactions to the extreme is what I call it.  These policies cater to the lowest common denominator.  To me, much of it is illogical & a waste of precious resources.

And don't get me started on TSA.  After 9/11, some of its policies border on ludicrous.  I know terrorism is out there & one has to be careful, blah blah blah.  But anyone who has to go through airport security in the USA knows what I am talking about.  Restrictions on what can be carried on, or checked in; removing shoes & belts & bracelets (I saw with my own eyes how an Indian lady with two young kids in tow was made to remove all her bracelets before going through the metal detector...like she was going to have explosives implanted into her bracelets???  Gimme a break).  Questions from the immigration officers to legitimate visitors & legal residents sometimes border on the intrusive & oftentimes makes one feel like a criminal instead of someone who is making a visit home.  As I said - knee jerk reactions to the extreme.  I bet that now, because of the Boston bombing, students going back to the US for studies will face an additional barrage of questions from the TSA officers when they go through the immigration counters.

And now the recent whistleblower case in which it was revealed that the US government has been secretly accessing internet data of private citizens shows the extent to which this "fight against terror" has reached.  If I wanted my privacy to be invaded, I would have stayed in Singapore (*GRIN*).

It is sad that it as come to this.  They need someone with common sense & can see the bigger picture to revise the laws & policies.  Perhaps someone with an international background (maybe a third culture person?)  Maybe that way, the US can become the great nation that it once was.

Impressions from China - Back in the Jing

Today marks the one year anniversary of my arrival in Hong Kong from Beijing.  I was back in Beijing last week, visiting old friends & attending graduation of some of their kids.  It was bittersweet to be back. As I've said before, the worse part of this lifestyle is leaving behind good friends.

Much was the same, and yet different.  The pollution was still there, although I was lucky enough to have a couple of blue sky days.  The traffic was the same (i.e. horrendous).  The village which used to sit next to the boys' school is gone - demolished to make way for even more residential complexes, to be sold at probably exorbitant prices.

I was glad that my spoken Mandarin did not deteriorate too much, and I was still able to communicate with the locals competently.

One thing which I definitely miss are the reasonably priced TCM massages. Needless to say, I made sure that I got my fill while there!

Fighting Fit (in actuality, Fighting to be Fit)

I'm sweating like a hog, and huffin' & puffin' like the Big Bad Wolf in The Three Little Pigs, and I ask why am I putting myself through this torture.

'This' refers to the training sessions which I have signed up for just over 4 months ago.  This was triggered by a blood test that revealed an escalating cholesterol level, & a borderline glucose intolerance compared to a year ago.  Whether it's due to peri-menopause hormonal changes or indiscriminate eating last year because of the farewells & travelling & moving, bottom line was, that I needed to do something about it.

So here I am, four months later - two training sessions a week, during which my trainer puts me through a circuit of fitness training, strength training, kick-boxing (yes, kick-boxing); and an additional two days a week during which I either swim or ride the stationary bike.  I've lost about 3 kg, quite a bit of body fat, & have put on muscle mass.  My fitness level has improved, & my pants are noticeably looser, & certain parts of my body are also noticeably leaner.

I told my trainer that one of my goals (apart from improving my blood work) is to improve my fitness & strength so that I can fulfill one of the items on my bucket list: to go on a horse trekking trip.  It's a dream of mine that I can do this one day in the not too distant future, before age takes its toll.  I already feel the effects of the various sporting activities of my youth.  The knees, the ankles, the back, and even my feet have aches & pains that are aggravated by certain movements & actions.

I am hopeful that I can achieve this goal of mine.  I give myself another 3 to 4 months.

And yeah, hopefully my blood work will have improved by then too.

Why

The events occurring in the past week in Boston have been gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, & mind-blowing.  When they finally caught suspect #2 (suspect #1,his older brother, having been killed) & he turned out to be only 19 years old, the only question that came to my mind was "Why?"

He is the same age as W, and two years younger than Z.  Somewhere out there, his mother is probably asking herself the same question & going through unimaginable heart break over why her two sons would do something so reprehensible.  There is plenty of speculation that they were "radicalized", a new term that I have learnt in the past few days.  I assume that this means that they were caught up by extreme religious beliefs, which led them to the horrific act this past Monday, which claimed three lives so far & maimed so many others.  I know that religion is a powerful thing.  When used for evil, even the mildest mannered & apparently sane person can be made to perform the vilest of deeds.

I mourn for the loss of lives in Boston, & the suffering that the victims are going through.  But I also mourn for the loss of innocence of suspect #2 & the ordeal that his family is & will be going through in having to deal with what he has done.  He will have to face the jury for what he has done, no doubt about it.  But the mother in me can't help but wonder how & why this happened.

It's just so sad.

End Game

One word:

RELIEF.

Terror

Explosions halfway across the world reverberate all the way here.

W is safe, thank God.  But the bombs went off down the street from where he would have been having classes if it had not been a holiday.

Who knows who or why this happened.  The world as I know it is not a safe place anymore.  Anywhere, anytime, anything can happen that can change your life & take away all that you hold dear.

Stay safe, my friends.  Give your kids an extra hug & hold them close if you can.  My heart & prayers go out to all the victims of another senseless event.

In Retrospect

After reading this article, I look back at my decision to stop practicing clinical medicine & realize that I was, indeed, suffering from burnout.  Someone did ask me, at the time, if this was the reason for my decision, and, at the time, I said No.  Perhaps it was denial.

In any case, when I examine my life over the last several years, I know now that it was the right decision.  

Weather Woes

This must be the most miserable weather I've experienced in a long while.  Day after day after day.

Grey, rainy, cloudy, dank...it's enough to make a girl S.A.D.

Modesty

I notice that the HK ladies are not bashful at all about nudity.  When I am in the ladies'  locker room of the health club I belong to, it is a common sight to see them walking around in all their glory, not shy at all about showing their assets to fellow females.

Me?  I'll stick to the curtained changing rooms, thank you very much.

Forever Young

So, I bring my dad to see a medical school classmate of mine for a skin condition.

After the consult, my dad looks at the receipt with my classmate's name stamp & designations on it, and impressed, says: "Wow, he's so young & already a Professor!"

I look at my dad & gently reminds him: " Er...he's my classmate & I will be 50 next year....not that young anymore."

Bless his heart, that I will be, in his eyes, forever young....

Population change

My preamble at dinner tonight with a waitress at a local restaurant (spoken in Mandarin, translated here into English): "Should I speak in English, Cantonese or Mandarin?"

Such is the state of the nation now, with regards to the population mix of its residents.  Most service staff are non-Singaporean, coming from either Malaysia, Philippines  China, India or even Myanmar.  Hence calling up a restaurant in advance to make a booking may mean speaking to a non-English speaker, with the usual alternative being Mandarin.    And there is a good chance that your server is also a non-English speaker.

Yet there is a huge debate over the influx of foreign talent into the Singapore shores.  And at the same time, many restaurants are finding themselves short of staff.

Finding the balance will be tricky.  I only hope that the resentment against foreign "talent" here will not eventually lead to nasty racism/nationalism.

Family

I see pictures of family reunion dinners, families & extended families of friends dressed in their CNY finery posted on Facebook, and a part of me feels a twinge of sadness & nostalgia for the days when we were all living in the same country, when uncles & aunties & cousins, grandmas & grandpas, were still alive and when family get-togethers were not as rare as they have become now.

My family migrated to Singapore when I was in pre-school.  My extended family was/is spread out in different countries - Malaysia, Brunei, Australia, USA, UK, though there was a time spanning a few years scattered through my primary & secondary school days when a significant number was living in Singapore.   Those were the years that I remember fondly - of dinners & holidays & laughter & tears, Christmases, New Years, Birthdays & Anniversaries.

Most of my friends are at least third generation Singaporeans.  Their extended families are mostly in Singapore.  I wonder if they take for granted, these special occasions which celebrate family togetherness.  I sometimes wonder how it would be if our family was such, instead of the international hodgepodge that it is.  I realize that in a way, I was also a third culture kid.  Maybe that's why I am still wondering where home is.

Musings from the Empty Nest 4

Chinese New Year's Eve "Reunion Dinner" :
Me - Fish & Chips
A - Cheese Burger

Chinese New Year's Day brunch - dim sum

The year of the snake started off with a whimper....

Winter Schminter

I miss the cold.  Yes, you heard me, I actually miss the frigid cold of the Beijing winter (not the filthy coal-laden air, though).  There's something comforting about snuggling under layers of downy warm winter clothing & comforters.

To call Winter Winter here in Hong Kong is a bit of a joke.  It feels more like Spring here, with temperatures in the teens, and yesterday, up to 23 C!

Yet, I see many Hong Kong-ers  bundled up in hats & scarfs & gloves & down coats & boots as if they were ready to traipse through the wilds of wintry Siberia.  It's crazy.

Musings from the Empty Nest 4

W returns to college tomorrow after spending his winter break here.  Z left two weeks ago.  It was nice having both "boys" "home".

I asked if he was looking forward to going home to Boston, where his college is.  W says that he doesn't consider Boston home.  And that until he has a family of his own, home is wherever we are...which really touched my heart.  Like this song...




  I guess for third culture kids like ours, home really is where the heart is.

6 degrees of Separation

A good friend in Beijing just told me that she & her husband knows Hugh Jackman's father.

Hugh Jackman.

HUGH JACKMAN!!!

One of my favorite actors!

In this shrinking world of ours, it's funny where life brings us & whom we meet along the way.  They say that we are all connected in six or less degrees of separation.  True or not, all the connections that I have made in life this far have been precious.

Here's to connecting some more....

Getting Fit

So, A & I have signed up with a health club, and sessions with trainers, in an effort to lose weight & get healthy.

Weight loss has been a perpetual struggle for me, especially during the time when I was working full-time, both as a doctor, and as a stay-at-home mother.

No more excuses now that I am an empty nester.  An ulterior motive for me is to try to get in shape for a dream vacation of mine: horse-trekking through the Canadian Rockies.  I don't know when I will get the chance to do so, but hopefully in the near future, before age takes a toll on this physical body & I am unable to even climb on to a horse.

Wish me luck.

Musings from the Empty Nest 3

The thing about being an international  transplanted family with college-going sons is that time spent together as a family under the same roof in the same country is a rare & treasured occasion.

Usually, family reunions happen during "special" occasions like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, Easter etc.  But for us, we take what we can get.  Time spent together is special, no matter which part of the year it is.

License to Kill

I see Facebook posts about gun rights.  I see Facebook posts about gun control.  Most of the time, you are either pro-gun rights or pro-gun control.  There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.  Maybe it's the media that gives a lop-sided picture of what most Americans want insofar as the gun situation in the US is concerned.   Maybe most of them DO want a middle ground that would make it safer for the innocents.

In my eyes, I see the history of America playing a huge part in why guns are so prevalent & so close to the hearts of so many Americans.  At the same time, I also wonder at why so much emphasis is placed on keeping true to the Second Amendment which was written over two centuries ago.  Indeed, it seems like many Americans still wish to live like they did back in the Wild Wild West, when everyone carried a gun.

I write from the viewpoint of someone growing up in a country where guns are only carried by police officers or soldiers, and where gunshot injuries or deaths are rare incidents (so rare that I think it is safe to say that the majority of doctors who have trained & practiced there have never seen nor treated a gun shot injury, accidental or otherwise).

I cannot understand this love affair with these deadly weapons.  I cannot understand why people hunt.  I cannot understand why gun lovers refuse to see that there HAS to be better gun control to keep these weapons of mass destruction out of the hands of lunatics.  

Sadly, the gun culture in the USA is so deeply entrenched, and criminals probably possess arsenals of these weapons illegally, that it would be impossible to outright ban guns altogether.  I hate reading the proposals from the gun rights people to allow ordinary citizens to carry concealed weapons for protection.  I would feel terrified that someone who may be having a bad day, or suffering from road rage, or suffering from mental illness, could be in possession of such a weapon, and start shooting innocent folks who may be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If gun rights advocates feel so strongly about being able to "bear arms", they should also accept that such arms in the hands of the wrong people can do so much harm.  Much like how doctors go through years of training & certification before they are given the privilege & license to practise medicine (which, like guns, if used wrongly, can kill many in one fell stroke), I don't see why those who want to bear arms should not go through rigorous training & certification to ensure that only those who are fit to do so, are allowed to do so.

Ultimately, we ALL want to keep our children & families safe....don't we?