Pensive

I have been watching this program on TV, which makes me wonder how different (and more fulfilling, perhaps?) my professional life would have been if I had had the opportunity to follow my passion?

(Not a regret, but one cannot help but wonder).

Decibels

I wonder why movie theaters crank up the volume so high?

A & I watched "Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit" on Lunar New Year's Day (oh so festive of us) and during the scenes with car chases/bombs exploding/guns shooting, the decibel levels were high enough to hurt my ear drums.

I resorted to putting in ear plugs which I always carry in my purse (a habit I developed thanks to the various very loud rock gigs I attended when my boys were performing in high school).  Even with ear plugs on, the volume was high enough that I could still hear the dialog being spoken in the movie.

Ridiculous.

Self-Reflection

So in the last few days, this guy has been in the news in Singapore for making disparaging remarks about Singapore/Singaporeans on the social media.  He has received death threats & Singaporeans have been up in arms & demanding for his deportation.

I am not defending this fellow.  He sounds like an obnoxious pr*** with a holier-than-thou attitude towards the country that is his cash cow.  I feel sorry for his wife & son.  They did not deserve receiving threats due to his stupidity.    I am pretty sure that many foreigners working in Singapore are there basically, just to make a living.  They may not like the behavior or attitudes of the local folks, or may not like the public transport; comparisons with their home countries are inevitable, and they may even share the same sentiments as Mr Casey.  As someone who has lived overseas, I can certainly understand & empathize (although I don't agree with the mean-ness of his remarks).

But has he broken any laws?  The way I see it, what he is guilty of is sheer stupidity.  Why put these insults on the Internet for all to see?  He obviously did not see how this would affect not just himself, possibly his career, but also his family.  Even high school kids are warned about putting dubious comments & diatribes on the social media, as these sorts of things can be seen by potential colleges & future employers.

I ask this of people who are demanding deportation: reflect on your own attitudes & even comments made in the past.  Have you ever made a remark about a particular group of people or a particular country which may be insulting to them?  Really.   Think hard.  I know I have, & I'm not proud of it.  It may not have been as blatantly obnoxious as what Mr Casey has said, but still, not pleasant, and usually said in the height of annoyance.

Does he deserve deportation?  No.  I don't think such a drastic measure is needed.  He may face punitive actions from his employer, and possibly even be fired.   He should be made to do some kind of community service to learn what it is like to be "poor" in Singapore.  Perhaps then, he will learn his lesson, and hopefully impart some good values to his son.

Scrooge

Call me a Scrooge or just plain lazy but our home was devoid of Christmas decorations this year.  A big reason why is because 99% of our Christmas decorations are in storage.  And who has room for a tree anyway?

I saw the malls & shops all decked out in Christmas decorations but somehow did not feel the Christmas spirit; it just felt so commercial.  Hong Kong &, I think, Singapore as well, "celebrate" American holidays like Easter (chocolate bunnies & Easter egg hunts, which, the way I see it, has nothing to do with the resurrection of Christ), and Halloween (this was something I only read about or watched on TV when I was growing up).  Retailers do a whopping business marketing Christmas presents, & Easter/Halloween candies, and fancy dress costumes for trick-or-treating (or in the case of adults, partying).

Now, Chinese New Year is coming and the decorations started going up as soon as Christmas was over.  It will be another quiet one for us this year, just A & I.  I asked him: "I'm trying to decide whether to put up CNY decorations or not.  Should I?"
His answer: "Why?  We would just need to take them down again."

I guess I'm not the only Scrooge in the family.

Happy Year of the Horse everyone.

Reunited

It's at once strange & wonderful to have all four of us under the same roof.  Z & W are here on their winter break.  This tiny apartment is not made for four large people to live in despite having 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms.  We are overflowing with luggage & furniture & STUFF.

But in spite of living on top of each other, these next few weeks will be treasured.  We have learned to appreciate each other more because of the separation.

We are Family.

Moving On

I read this article about Friendship today and it struck a chord in me.  I have been feeling like I've been drifting away from old friends in the past few years, friends whom I have known for most of my life, since primary school.  I had thought that we would be BFFs forever, no matter what, no matter where.  But in the last few years, every time I tried to re-connect when I was back in town (in my home country), they couldn't find the time to do so due to either family or work commitments.  Each time, I admit that I would feel slightly resentful, thinking that if it was me, I would make the time since such get-togethers were so hard to come by, given the fact that I don't live there anymore.

Recently, after my last attempt at organizing another get-together, I finally accepted that they (& I) have changed).  Our priorities are no longer the same.   Our attitudes towards life are different.  "C'est la vie"  is now my motto.  They will always remain my friends & we will always have great memories of times shared, both good & bad.  I will not try so hard to grasp at what I think remain the same, because they are not the same anymore.  We are different people now, shaped by different life experiences.  If they reach out to me, I will gratefully & warmly reach back out to them.

But for now, I will stay connected to those who still want to stay connected, no matter how short a time I have known them.

Root Causes

Several years ago, before I left the work force, I learnt about Root Cause Analysis.  I learnt about its use specifically in health care & adverse events & medical errors, and how, by doing this analysis, we can recommend system-wide changes & improvements to minimize risk of adverse events.

A couple of days ago, there were riots in Singapore, my home country.  I never thought I would use the words "riot" & "Singapore" in the same sentence in my lifetime.  These riots were triggered by the death of an Indian national as a result of a road traffic accident in Little India, on a Sunday which is the day off for the thousands of foreign workers who work in Singapore.

Much is being said on the social media about why it happened & what should be done & along with it, the trolls & racists & xenophobics are all at it too, denouncing specific racial groups.   Sad, really.  This is not the Singapore I grew up in.  We were told in school that we were a multiracial, multicultural country.  It is even in our pledge -  "...regardless of race, language or religion..."

It was drilled into us that we should be tolerant of each other, color blind, respectful of our differences.  But in recent years, I have noted with sadness that there are signs of racism and xenophobia becoming more & more apparent.  Perhaps in the past, this was hidden, but with social media, it becomes more obvious.  In any case, it's sad.

With these riots, I am hoping that the government & Singapore society will wake up & see that making money is not all that counts.  Do a root cause analysis of why this happened.  I would not be surprised if they found that some of the issues faced by these foreign workers were part of the fuel that resulted in the riots.  

We have to learn to be human again.  Respect each other as humans.  Treat each other right, no matter if you're a top level executive, politician, blue collar worker.  

Missing

Seeing all the pictures on Facebook of families spending Thanksgiving with their loved ones makes me miss our boys even more.  Sometimes, I wish we were a bit more "normal" in the sense of being able to celebrate special occasions as a family under the same roof.

I am counting down the days till they are both here in Hong Kong for the winter break.

Flying Solo

A. has been away this past week, visiting his mother whose apartment needed some work done.  So I have been living the single life, which is actually more boring than it sounds.  Working out, quilting, watching internet TV, reading, pretty much sums up my days.

And it has been nice.  Simple meals, sometimes a salad, sometimes a sandwich & sometimes, when I feel bad, a bowl of instant noodles.

But I'm ready for A. to come back.
Which he is.
Tonight.

Alien

I read this article someone posted on Facebook today.  Very true words.

I've lived away from the country where I grew up in for just about a third of my life.  I count the number of times I have moved in my married life (10 excluding the temporary housing we've lived in while waiting for our "permanent" homes to be ready for us to move into).

I've embraced this experience.  But some of the sentiments expressed in this article about missing out on stuff ring so true.  I've missed birthdays, weddings, anniversaries.  I've missed my extended family and hanging out with friends.  I've also grown apart from friends whom I previously thought were my "besties" but the years apart & the worldly experiences I've had has resulted in us growing apart, not just in distance but also in our attitudes towards various social issues.  I think I've become liberalized by my exposure to so many different cultures & ethnicities and can't help but feel appalled at some of the attitudes that exist in my home country.

I believe that third culture kids (& third culture adults like me) become more tolerant of differences.  The xenophobia & racism that I increasingly see at "home" alarms me.  It doesn't feel like home anymore.  It's not the same as what I remember it to be.

The saying goes: "Home is Where the Heart is".  It certainly is...and not necessarily located in any particular physical location.

How Doctors Die

I read this article some time ago.  It talks about a topic that many are uncomfortable to delve on.  It came to mind because a close relative of mine, who has been suffering from a chronic form of leukemia for the last several years, just found out that his condition is probably turning acute (not a good thing, where leukemia is concerned).  He is also a medical doctor and knows what this means with regards to possible scenarios.

We talked about what his options are now.  He has to live a day at a time, continuing with chemotherapy for a while longer, for what it's worth.  He is putting his things in order so as to make it "easier" for his loved ones (is it ever easy?) when he finally passes on.  There are three physicians in our family (including himself).  He has spoken about euthanasia (when the time comes) with his brother (the other physician), with me & with his own oncologist, knowing full well that the laws of the countries we live in prohibit it.   It is not an option, he knows, though he jokingly asks me to give him an overdose of propofol when he starts going downhill.  I laugh in response while trying to keep tears from rolling down my face (we are on the phone).

He knows what he is in for once the acute phase kicks in.  Fulminating infections, organ failures etc.  He doesn't want to suffer through all that.  The only option left at that point would be an induced coma until he finally passes on with dignity.

You've Got Mail

We asked W to put a letter in the mailbox as we were strolling down the street to a restaurant for lunch in Boston this summer.  He looked at me and asked in all seriousness, " What does it look like?"  I wasn't surprised that he didn't know.  Not only is he a TCK, and had not lived in the US for a long time but in this day & age, how often do we even mail letters the old-fashioned way, especially the younger generation?

I had always enjoyed receiving & writing letters from young.  Letters to my grandparents, postcards from abroad, pen pals....every time the postman came, I would eagerly look for mail for me.  It was our way of keeping connected across long distances.

Over the last 20 years, my letter writing has dwindled to close to Zero as we now use email/text/Facebook/Skype/Whatsapp to keep in touch.  But somehow, I feel that even though we are so connected, we are more disconnected from each other than before.

Country Living

I've been spending time with my parents in their new home, across the Straits of Johor.  It's a spanking new development located on the Eastern coast of Johor in Malaysia so close to Singapore that you can actually see the country from the waterfront boardwalk which is part of the community.  Marshland forms a part of the landscape of this ambitious development.  Hard to believe that swampland can be beautiful, but it actually is....

Today I just saw a sea otter swimming along the coastline then scamper onto shore & into the mangrove swamp.  A monitor lizard almost came into the house as it chased its prey (the largest gecko I've ever seen!!!), which did come in, scaring me to bits (I have herpetophobia - thanks Google!).  To be honest, I can do without the latter kind of wildlife!

The town nearby reminds me of the city I was born in...especially the shop houses with hawker stalls selling delicious local foods!  The difference between Johor Baru & Singapore is quite astounding, really, given the fact that only a narrow strip of water separates the two.  It's hard to find the rustic feel of country living in the rather artificial environment that is Singapore.

Yesterday, my folks brought me to eat seafood at a restaurant located on Orang Asli land on the waterfront.  Certainly not a five star restaurant.  It is located on stilts above the water, with a rather rickety bridge that leads to it from the "mainland".  Planks of dubious strength make up the bridge, but the food! the food!  Fresh crabs & fish & prawns & clams!  From the restaurant, one can see the farming areas where the seafood is cultivated by the Orang Asli.  The restaurant is run by ethnically Chinese Malaysians.  This symbiotic relationship between the two groups makes good business sense, as evidenced by the healthy crowd of customers present in the restaurant even at the odd hour of 3 pm.

Seafood is farmed by the Orang Asli (above)

Orang Asli homes on stilts by the water

A Quarter Century

We last reunited 5 years ago.  My classmates from Medical School got together again a couple of nights ago to celebrate our 25th year post-graduation.

It was a good turn out: about 2/3 of the class showed up.  I think I did pretty well in recognizing people... better than 5 years ago anyway!  We've become older/greyer/fatter/slimmer/aesthetically enhanced/more wrinkled.  But when I say hello and chat, I see the same people I went to school with.  Personalities remain the same despite the additional prefixes and suffixes in their names.

Two have passed on, reminding us to seize the day.   We saw a slideshow comprising of old photos from our days as students, and photos of us now, with our families; so happy to see the smiling faces of my peers and their loved ones.

Our class may not have been the most distinguished nor the most intellectual, and it certainly has had its share of oddballs, and infamy.  But we are certainly an interesting lot.

Here's to 25 more years!

Writing

It used to be that in the diaries of my teenage self, I would write about my life daily.  No matter how seemingly mundane, I would faithfully jot it down in my journal.  Most of the time it was about the TV shows or movies that I had watched or outings I had gone on.  Embarrassingly it was also full of gushing descriptions about my current heart throbs at the time.

My recent writing has drifted from that about daily life, to that about issues I have been passionate about.  I recently read a blog post by a favorite performer of mine here.  This entry is very matter of fact but has inspired me to write more about the happenings surrounding my life.  I read my 30+ year old writings & it brings back memories of my younger self.  I want to be able to write down my musings & impressions of my current self, so that if I'm fortunate enough to be still around in 30 years time, (& provided that I still possess my faculties) it will be something I can read and look back upon....hopefully fondly.

Home

We've recently become property owners again, having bought a condo in Beantown.  W attends college there & with the high rentals we figured we would use the opportunity to invest in something Stateside before the property prices take off.  As it was, the market was already in a frenzy in many of the larger cities in the US with bidding wars & property selling for higher than asking prices.

Anyway, we looked, we found & we did.  We finally have a Home.  It's strange how owning something we can call our own makes me feel good.  We have been "homeless" for several years now, having sold our previous property in Singapore when we decided that we would probably not go back there again.  And here in HK, with the property prices one of the highest in the world, it is impossible to even dream of owning even a small apartment (not that I would want to make this our permanent home anyway).

Both our boys are happy that there is, at least, somewhere, they can call Home.  Small as it is, it's a place we can direct our mail to without having to impose on the convenience of a relative.   It's somewhere where, when filling out forms, I can write down a permanent address and home phone number without thinking twice.

It feels good.

Looking back

I am looking through the pictures of my medical school classmates in our old university directory, preparing a slideshow that will be screened during our coming 25th year reunion (!!!), and I wonder at some of these familiar faces - some are/have been heads of departments in hospitals, most have families, many are GP's with established practices in Singapore.

I remember some of them as awkward teens, having attended the same junior colleges as several of them.  They were uncomfortable with the opposite sex, umm-ing & aw-ing when trying to have a conversation.

I remember some as the "bad boys" of the class, smoking, having "adventurous exploits" with the opposite gender.

I wonder what they are like now, as I have lost touch with most of them over the years.  It's hard to picture them as Heads of Departments or Senior Consultants or to address them as Prof.  In my mind, they are the same old classmates whose photographs look back at me from the directory.

A couple have passed on & when I see those old pictures of them in the prime of their lives, I wonder what the me of today would say to the them of yesterday if I could speak to them.   Would I tell them to enjoy life to the fullest & appreciate their loved ones while they can?

A few have gotten into trouble with the law & with the medical council.  What would I tell the young them?

What I DO know is that for me, there have been no regrets.  And I couldn't have asked for a better life.

:)

Venting

Let me begin by first saying that I love the USA.  I consider it my second home (where my first home is, I don't know!).

However, I think some of the policies & laws are made by some of the least intelligent & close-minded people in the world.  And one reason has to a bit do with the litigiousness of its society.  Look at the infamous McDonald's coffee cup  lawsuit, for heaven's sake.   Because of that, disposable coffee cups in the USA have warnings that the contents are hot.  Duh.  Knee jerk reactions to the extreme is what I call it.  These policies cater to the lowest common denominator.  To me, much of it is illogical & a waste of precious resources.

And don't get me started on TSA.  After 9/11, some of its policies border on ludicrous.  I know terrorism is out there & one has to be careful, blah blah blah.  But anyone who has to go through airport security in the USA knows what I am talking about.  Restrictions on what can be carried on, or checked in; removing shoes & belts & bracelets (I saw with my own eyes how an Indian lady with two young kids in tow was made to remove all her bracelets before going through the metal detector...like she was going to have explosives implanted into her bracelets???  Gimme a break).  Questions from the immigration officers to legitimate visitors & legal residents sometimes border on the intrusive & oftentimes makes one feel like a criminal instead of someone who is making a visit home.  As I said - knee jerk reactions to the extreme.  I bet that now, because of the Boston bombing, students going back to the US for studies will face an additional barrage of questions from the TSA officers when they go through the immigration counters.

And now the recent whistleblower case in which it was revealed that the US government has been secretly accessing internet data of private citizens shows the extent to which this "fight against terror" has reached.  If I wanted my privacy to be invaded, I would have stayed in Singapore (*GRIN*).

It is sad that it as come to this.  They need someone with common sense & can see the bigger picture to revise the laws & policies.  Perhaps someone with an international background (maybe a third culture person?)  Maybe that way, the US can become the great nation that it once was.

Impressions from China - Back in the Jing

Today marks the one year anniversary of my arrival in Hong Kong from Beijing.  I was back in Beijing last week, visiting old friends & attending graduation of some of their kids.  It was bittersweet to be back. As I've said before, the worse part of this lifestyle is leaving behind good friends.

Much was the same, and yet different.  The pollution was still there, although I was lucky enough to have a couple of blue sky days.  The traffic was the same (i.e. horrendous).  The village which used to sit next to the boys' school is gone - demolished to make way for even more residential complexes, to be sold at probably exorbitant prices.

I was glad that my spoken Mandarin did not deteriorate too much, and I was still able to communicate with the locals competently.

One thing which I definitely miss are the reasonably priced TCM massages. Needless to say, I made sure that I got my fill while there!

Fighting Fit (in actuality, Fighting to be Fit)

I'm sweating like a hog, and huffin' & puffin' like the Big Bad Wolf in The Three Little Pigs, and I ask why am I putting myself through this torture.

'This' refers to the training sessions which I have signed up for just over 4 months ago.  This was triggered by a blood test that revealed an escalating cholesterol level, & a borderline glucose intolerance compared to a year ago.  Whether it's due to peri-menopause hormonal changes or indiscriminate eating last year because of the farewells & travelling & moving, bottom line was, that I needed to do something about it.

So here I am, four months later - two training sessions a week, during which my trainer puts me through a circuit of fitness training, strength training, kick-boxing (yes, kick-boxing); and an additional two days a week during which I either swim or ride the stationary bike.  I've lost about 3 kg, quite a bit of body fat, & have put on muscle mass.  My fitness level has improved, & my pants are noticeably looser, & certain parts of my body are also noticeably leaner.

I told my trainer that one of my goals (apart from improving my blood work) is to improve my fitness & strength so that I can fulfill one of the items on my bucket list: to go on a horse trekking trip.  It's a dream of mine that I can do this one day in the not too distant future, before age takes its toll.  I already feel the effects of the various sporting activities of my youth.  The knees, the ankles, the back, and even my feet have aches & pains that are aggravated by certain movements & actions.

I am hopeful that I can achieve this goal of mine.  I give myself another 3 to 4 months.

And yeah, hopefully my blood work will have improved by then too.