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As I wait in the airport lounge for my flight back home to Seattle, I can’t help thinking about where life has brought me so far.  This has been a bittersweet trip to my other home; I celebrated Chinese New Year with the family that I still have here, had makan catch ups with various groups of friends from medical school and our Beijing days, and mahjong sessions with my mahjong kakis.  We also had a mini-reunion with friends from primary/secondary school which was tinged with sadness as we lost one of our classmates a week before, unexpectedly and shockingly.  

This devastating news shook me, because she had been so present in our prior reunions & meet-ups.  We never thought or think about how each time we see each other may be for the very last time….. the last “Bye!”,  the last “See you again soon!”,  the last “Take care!”

The life of an expat/third culture person is not easy despite some of the outward trappings that come with it.  The chance to experience life in other countries and cultures, traveling to exotic locales, making friends from all over the world – this has been priceless.  What comes with all this is the 
missing out on birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and reunions…. and an added appreciation of the moments when we CAN come together in the same physical space instead of through the nether of whatsapp/telegram/sms messages. 

When we DO get together, it feels like Home.  The old familiar friendships and relationships feel like a comfortable pair of old pajamas; we slip into conversations, remembering old times, old teachers and old friends.  It doesn’t matter if we have told the same stories over and over again, we still love the retelling all the same.

I have been asked countless times over the years: “Where is Home?”  And each time, I have to think and think again before answering.  For now, I say: Home is where your Heart is.  It doesn’t have to be tied to a physical place, but to the people you love, wherever they may be.

Broken Choices

 What kind of country is this

Where a woman's autonomy over her body

Depends on where she lives

Or if she can afford to execute that right

Where a doctor is not free to practice 

Good medicine

Depending on where he/she lives

Regression

 Welp.... it's official.  The USA has regressed 50 years.  Women no longer have the constitutional right to have autonomy over their reproductive organs.  Depending on which state you live in, you may no longer have the right to make decisions about your reproductive health.

This country is so broken and divided, it's heartbreaking.  Extremes on both sides seem to have the loudest voices.  It is hard to find objective news media, as incentives are skewed towards getting more clicks instead of publishing straightforward news.

I don't know how this will evolve.  Will America once more become the shining city on the hill?  Or will its light continue to dim in the eyes of the world?  Only time will tell.

I really should start writing more

 Oh Muse....thou hast abandoned me....

Never Forget

 I wrote this poem 15 years ago.  I'll never forget.

9/11

Five years past,
In disbelief I watched,
Mouth agape,
As planes smashed
One after the other
Into the two towers,
Televised “live” on CNN.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
This can’t be real,
It can’t be happening,
It must be a trick,
A camera trick,
A scene taken from a movie.

Then they fell
Like a stack of cards,
One after the other
Within seconds,
In a rising cloud of dust
That spread throughout Manhattan.

Another plane
Smashed into the Pentagon,
Another one into a field in Pennsylvania
One after the other.
Was that it? Was that it? Are there more?
Please, no more, no more, please.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
It felt surreal,
My mind numbed
By the thought of all those lives
Snuffed by unimaginable evil.
Terror transmitted halfway across the globe
Through the wonders of technology.

It was real
And yet unreal.
We lost our innocence
That fateful day,
No more trust
In our fellow man.

We have to find our way again,
Someone help us find our way again

Disruption ~ Chaos ~ Insurrection

 Just when you think that this year couldn't be any worse than last, yesterday's attempted coup happens in the Capital of the USA.  Spurred on by an incompetent president, hordes of thugs broke into the Capitol building to try to disrupt the electoral process confirming the election of Biden/Harris.

A mostly white crowd bearing flags and banners in various forms proclaiming their support (& love?) for their dear revered leader, some wearing combat gear, obviously ready for battle, they stormed the building and interrupted the proceedings (which thankfully resumed later in the night).  What struck me while watching live footage of the scene was the lack of control by law enforcement and the lack of presence of the National Guard, very unlike the scene last summer during the Black Lives Matter march when peaceful protestors were tear gassed and pepper sprayed.  Talk about white privilege....

Will there be anyone held accountable for this especially the political leaders who have enabled idiot in the Oval Office, who have not called him out for his countless lies, nor corrected the fake news coming from his mouth and his Twitter feed?  I am not optimistic having seen how much he has been able to get away with.  

The past 4 years watching American politics unfold has left a bad taste in my mouth.  I am disillusioned with America's political system.  The American dream and the shining city on the hill is still an admirable one.  But the experiment to achieve this dream and ideals that was first created by the founders has failed.  It needs to be reworked and refined.  The great divide between conservatives and liberals, the coastal cities and the middle of the country, the urban and the rural societies have grown.  Fresh new ideas need to be hashed out to address these difference.  Mistrust in the government and media and big corporations need to be addressed.  Social media hasn't helped especially in the spread of conspiracy theories and misinformation.  Journalism has lost its way.  

I don't know how these issues will be resolved.  It is a formidable undertaking.  But first the country needs to heal, after the painful 4 years of upheaval, much of it caused by a useless divisive, incompetent president.  I believe the President Biden and VP Harris will be able to start the healing process.  

Counting down to Jan 20..... 

Checking in, and checking out, 2020!

 Damn Covid.  What can one say about 2020 that hasn't already been said?  All I know is:

1) I miss being able to travel whenever/wherever I want to

2) I miss seeing my family and friends

3) I am thankful for our new home back in the USA

4) I am thankful that we have a home to hunker down in, unlike so many other who are suffering through this crisis

5) I am grateful that my family and friends and I remain healthy

6) I am supremely thankful that in a few weeks, a new administration will be taking over and I can stop feeling anxious and angry whenever I read the news or listen to a news clip about the shenanigans of the current president

Here's to a better year and hopefully the chance to see family and friends on the other side of the globe (or even this continent) again..... Happy New Year everyone!